You creep into my mind,
Leaking images of us
And how much I love you.
I wonder where you came from,
But then I realize...

You never left.

The sound that
Cools the fire,
Also heightens my awareness.

In this moment, It causes me
To worry.

Will he still love me?
Will he judge me?

I need to know.

A boy told me once
That he loved me.
That he wanted me.
To understand me.
I told him,
"No"
He looked confused.
As if I'd dedicated myself
To a life of isolation.
Not too far from truth, is it?
"You can't."
He looked at me.
"Why?"
Yes.
Why indeed.

The last thing I said to him
Before I left,
"Because it is impossible."

You saw me.
And your dazzling eyes met my plain ones.

My heart throbbed, skipped, jumped, and burst
And I couldn't help but smile.

When we are together, even for a split second,
Everyone else should Run.

Because you are the only one safe from my explosive heart.

Since the connection, we've only progressed.
Going further, Knowing more.
Telling is difficult, because of these emotions,
And trying is all we can do.

I've cried around you,
Because of you,
More than I ever have.
Happiness, Confusion, Sadness, Hurt.
Not even that!
I've cried just because I needed to, for no reason.

You have been here for me,
Told me so and made promises.
Held me while i sobbed and left tear stains on your shirt,
Whispered comforting words.

You said you were sure you'd never
Stop loving me.
But I'm scared.  We're so young.
How can you be so sure?

That was my question,
Still is.

"I just am."

I really hope this is real.
I never want this to end.

I am a deck of cards.
Each part of me has a different meaning.
Sometimes, I'm shuffled and get confused.
I struggle to put myself in order.
And other times,
Pieces of me fly everywhere.
And I cant pick myself up, because
My order has shattered.
I need someone.
These cards wont pick up themselves, you know.

I don't know what to say...
My mind is blank;
My heart is numb.
I nearly forgot I had them.

Why can't people like me just be happy?
There is just one answer.
Life is not fair.
Why can't people be distracted from pointless things?
There is just one answer.
The world's so called "knowledge" is growing.
Why can't respect be a priority?
There is just one answer.
Not many people care.

He tells me not to worry,
But I can't help it!
I know
He tells me he loves me,
That I'm more important than the views of others,
But I know it gets to him.
It always does after a while.

I don't know what to do...
He keeps telling me "Don't worry about it."
But I. Can't. Help. It.
I can't!
I don't want this to affect us...

Please speak to me, Diary. Just this once,
Offer me solace.

Sincerely,
*Kestrel

Why can't everything be alright?
Why can't everything solve itself when it gets jumbled?
Why can't everything be just as it was before anyone turned the rumor mill?

I wish that people would not judge or twist words.
I wish that there was such a thing as peace.
I wish that dreams could come true.

How are people happy?
How do people laugh and dance?
How is it possible for light to enter a world full or darkness and lies?

I wish I could deal with the gossip and lies that are about me.
I wish I could understand people.
I wish I could be normal.

Why can't life be fair?
I wish that life would be fair.
How can life be fair?
I wish I could have a fair chance.

As the thoughts and emotions flow,
The pages fill up.
What will happen when my mind
Has nowhere to turn to?
No more pages to fill?
When a pond is full, it overflows,
Letting go some of what makes it beautiful.
What will happen to my pages,
My storybook,
My escape?
If it overflows, it wont let me in anymore.

I'm trying to think of a melody
To describe us.
I cant sing,
Or play guitar (yet),
But I can hum.
And you can, too.

Do you *have a song?

Poets never die.
Never stop writing,creating, inspiring.

Poets don't fall...

We sleep.
And wait.
Wait
To be remembered,
And rewritten.

Recreated and

*Reborn

"Get her, girl!"
"Talk to her!"
"Are you two...?"
"Ask her out!"

No!
Maybe?
Okay.
But I don't know!
We're just teenage girls!
Why is there so much pressure!?
So much rain?
This flower needs water,
But there's already too much!
Soon it will die.
Drowned.
I want to, but,
Then again,
I don't know if I should.
I wish to love
While I'm still young.
To Love Young
But,
This?
It's more like...

Love Maybe...

I'm indecisive!
I can't help it!
I'm lost!



I'm scared...

No.
Not yet.
Just wait until I get home...
Safe in my room,
With my music,
My books,
My chalkboard.
That's all I ask.
It'll be difficult,
But, please,
Hold off my tears until then.
Please not yet.

Along with bringing happiness,
Love also brings pain,
And gives you the ability to cause pain.
Otherwise, whats the point?
Do they really love you if you can't hurt them in some way?

ishouldhavekissedkim

runningawayfromyourself.confusion.

I worry constantly that something will happen.
It isn't intuition, or abandoned hope, or a threat,
I just worry. It is because of experiences
In the past. They ruined me. Scarred me.
All I need to heal, is to know.
Know that I am okay, That I am accepted.
I still worry that this will affect us, but
I still love you. I will fight for you.
This might just turn into a love poem,
Though that was not my original purpose.
But things happen. It is inevitable, I believe.
Just like worrying. I can't help it. It is habitual.
And like writing. I cant help it if I write about
You. It happens. And it will always be a love poem.

The mountains once surrounding me
Were pushed away.
Melting snow leaving puddles at my feet.

You moved mountains for me.

And trekked through the icy lake
To stand by me.

And even though we stood there,
Clouds came down to us
And carried us away.

To a Fantasy?
To a Dream?

Either way,
I have YOU, Darling.

Now, everything is here.

I love you with my heart and soul,
But frankly, I'd like to punch you
In the face sometimes.
Just thought you should know.

Although the light is visible,
I can not reach.
The darkness consuming me is thick,
The light inches closer,
Begging for my touch.
It always loses its way.
The darkness following close behind it
Pulls it back into oblivion.
I will never reach it.

myheadpoundsmyheartbeatsmysoulthrobs

Imprinted in my brain,
A stray thought still remains.

I can't help it,
It is a part of me.
And while it is true I have promised,
And I will follow through,
It is still there.

But it is fading.
Slowly.

I have voices telling me
That they care.

Real ones. Ones that are
Not in my head, but rather echoing in my ear.

Thank you.

If I had another self to tell me
Who I was.

Would I still be the same?

That is my new goal.
That day...

Have you thought at all about it?
What are you thinking?
You rarely tell me,
And it's okay.

I just hope you're looking forward to 10-26
As much as I am.

After it is written,
Set on parchment,
With permanent ink,
It can't be taken back.

Those words will affect you,
Whether you like it or not,
Because you still have it
In your head.

The only way is
To write something else
And think ahead
To the page after

Hate.
A strong word,
Used by many
To hurt
To Harm
To maim
The feelings of others.
I might hate you,
But
This is not
A hate poem.
But
This is not
A love poem, either.
And
I still don't like you.
Your words,
Meant to
Make me
Feel loved
Or
Maybe hot,
Disgust me.
You may want me,
But
I don't
Feel wanted.
I feel
Violated
Instead.

They're back again.
I've used that line before,
But I can't help it.
They keep coming,
Keep trying to escape.
In my head, I scream,
Paralyzing them.
I think they're scared of me.
They know what is in my head.
The thought,
The wish,
To see myself dead.
I'm scared of me, too.
They try to run,
As I have done many times before,
But couldn't.
I can't let them escape,
Can't let them accomplish what
It is impossible for me to do.
They're all of the protection
I have against myself.
If they run, rain, fall,
And they don't come back,
I'll be empty.
Numb.

confusionistheonlyparasitetoeverentermybody

I can't do it.
The pounding in my head
As I try to think
Is unbearable.
wdors jbmule
Making it impossible to continue.
The words i try to put onto my page
Stay on my tongue,
fighting to stay together
As they slip.
I hate Writers Block.

Speak under your breath
As though talking to yourself,
But rest your head on my shoulder.

That way, I can hear you.
And you have me.
Just rest your head upon my shoulder.

I will always be here.
I will always listen
To the words spoken ever so quietly.

I think I should leave this page blank.
I wanted to write something for you,
But all of the lovey-dove-y romance-y stuff
Has been taken.

I wouldn't have been able to say it all anyway...
Maybe just a portion.

Now, though, I realize
I could never put it into words.

The most beautiful words spoken
Are the ones you touch on my lips.
So silent, but it says so much.
Represents so much.

Promise me this:
If you ever sop loving me,
Never kiss me again.

*It's the same as lying.

I am happy.
People tell me I "Radiate" it,
And I cause others to feel it as well.

                            I am just one hell of an actress...

I am happy, but not the way people think.

I'm with you, and I am.
But there is still that.
The disorder,
The disease,
The disaster taking place in my head.

                                   Could you cure it?

I just want to be as happy as everyone else.


                                                                                         Sincerely,
                                                                                         ~Kestrel

"Every girl marries her father"

My mother always told me this.



You need to stop apologizing.
I've already forgiven you.
Yet you wont stop.

You are just like him...

pullingaway.imeanttorelease

We can make it.

No matter how hard I cry.
No matter how loud I scream.
No matter how long I fight with myself.

I can't kick this in the ***.

tiredofhowimportantthesmallthingsare

The mumbling, silencing aspect
Of this Dark Depression;
Nothing can heal me.

I've managed to hold it off,
Just barely long enough.
It's faster than me.

It makes me angry.
It makes me sad.
But also completely
And utterly
Consumed.

For some odd
Reason
I feel lost.
Needing to wrestle
With
Life or death.
Deciding
The fates
I will need to face.
Needing to think
To
Decide my outcome.
What am I to
Decide...
When I don't know my choices?
But now I know my choices.
Everyone's choices.

**Life or Death

This much homework on only the third day?
Are you ******* serious?!

This is insane...

I love school because I can get away from home,
But this just might ruin its for me.