Today as I worked my *** off,
I had ear-buds in.
Blasting bass and screams into my ear
With every song.
And I heard one that i knew by heart.

And it reminded me
How lucky I am to have you.

This much homework on only the third day?
Are you ******* serious?!

This is insane...

I love school because I can get away from home,
But this just might ruin its for me.

My brain thinks.
My heart beats.
My limbs move.
My mouth speaks.

I want it to stop.
Or I want my brain to stop.
Or I want my heart to stop.
Or I want my body to stop.
Or any combination.

I'm alive, currently.
But I don't want to be.
Help...
*I'm Alive.

I wont do it again.
I promised myself.
And others.

But its so tempting!

Dreams of death.
And constant O.B.E's
Show me how good it feels.
Free of everything.

Nothing to do or look forward to.
Nothing to regret.

But I wont repeat history.

I wont try to **** myself again.
Just for you, love.
And for me as well.

I see your name and the beginning of your words

And I instantly am happy.

Your writing is the thing that keeps me going in school.
I reread everything five times
Knowing that it was your mind that thought them.

I cannot wait to read more.

I don't know what, but
Something doesn't feel quite right...
I must be going crazy.

onlyyoucanmakemeburn

Its hard to find my way.
To realize my mistakes,
My actions' effects.

Everything has an effect.

I always turn to dead ends
And confuse myself more.
Twisting and turning and panicking and...
Breath. Breathe.
I'm thirsty.

I need... Answers.
To my one and only question.

*What should I do?

It is increasing.
Pain. Physical. Mental.
Should I regret it?

ifiamwhatieat.ieatpeanutsandalmonds.iamnuts

I want to be able
To say something small.
Ten words or less.
That means the world to you.
That pulls on your heartstrings
Like a harp and plays a melody.
That forces you to go through
Every drawer and dusty file cabinet
In your mind to say something back.

But when the day comes that I do say something,
You don't have to say anything.

I Hate
           the lies that are told.
I Hate Not
                  the people who tell them to try and protect me.
I Hate Not Knowing
                                  the ugly truth that has been hidden.

It took forever
To find my way and map it.
Yet you made it through

mymindiscompletelyblankbutmyimaginationisfullofideas

writingwhatavoicecannotsaywillsoondrivemecrazy

acceptingoneforthemselvesisonlyanewlydifficulttask

The feeling you give me is surreal,
And I want it to stay with me forever.

Do you?

I listen,
I watch,
I cry,
As my pen moves
Across the page.
Over,
And over,
And over.

The words I write
show the emotion I cannot
Express outwardly

I finish one.
I turn the page.
I continue.
One after another.
Constantly,
Endlessly,
Turning pages.

dontspeakjustholdme.saveme.breatheme

Just a piece of metal,
Just a little slice.
One of these simple things
Will cause eternal night.
Why do I wish for this,
Or at least think  I do,
When all this time
I've had you?

"Bang!!!" Its gone.
This forever hell.
Bless the world
For making me well.
Although it took longer,
I am still in debt
To the one who decided
To give me this test.

dontletthelittlethingsharmyou

wordsarepuzzlesandiammissingpieces

findtherealitythatsuitsyoubest.goforit

nootherpoetrycanmakemefeelasyoursdoes

livelifelovelifelaughatthefacthatyoushouldnt

Do you know?
Because I sure as hell don't...
I know a lot of people have this.
This 'disorder.'
I know some people understand.
Understand what it's like.
I know I am not alone.
But no one knows
Me.
My hell,
My head,
Me.
Most people know why.
Most people have reasons.
Most people have excuses.
Not me.
I don't know why.
I don't have reasons.
Do you know?

They're back.
As they try to escape,
I silently scream,
Paralyzing them.
I think they're scared of me.
They know what is in my head.
The thought of seeing myself dead.
I'm scared of me, too.
They try to run down,
Rain down,
But they're all I have.
If they escape and my eyes go dry,
I'll be empty.

I am nothing without my tears.

iamsoscaredforthefuturebecauseicantseeit