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627 · Jul 2013
Flutterbies
The New Kestrel Jul 2013
I still feel it, too.

I fan-girl over your first texts of the day,
I tear up reading your poetry.

I still get nervous when I see you.
I continue to feel high when you kiss me.

Its not anything I've felt before
And I never want this feeling to go away.
13 days




In response to **Butterflies**, That Parkour Kid
622 · Sep 2013
Threat
The New Kestrel Sep 2013
Threat?
More like a challenge.

I know what I said, but...
I don't know if I can make it.
Weird situation caused me to tell my boyfriend I wouldn't kiss him for a month... I was mostly joking, but I guess I'm up for the challenge now.
616 · Apr 2013
Venom
The New Kestrel Apr 2013
dontletpettyliesenteryourbloodstream
613 · Jun 2013
Stupid Reality
The New Kestrel Jun 2013
The usual plain ignorance has been replaced
With this stupid reality.
We wonder why so much is not achievable,
But they cause their own soul's paralysis.
I've heard so many complaints
Of feeling frozen,
Stuck.
If we could only see...
I wrote this with the help of a friend of mine.
595 · Sep 2013
Wide Open
The New Kestrel Sep 2013
These little moments mean everything.
Every tight face, trying not to frown,
Or possibly explode,
Shouts at me to do something.

But all I can do is stand here with my arms
And wait.
Even then, your not the type
To come running.

Though, sometimes you just need to give in.
592 · Feb 2013
Movies
The New Kestrel Feb 2013
I want my life to be:

Like it is in the movies.
A place where there is no sorrow.
A place where,
After the screen goes blank,
No one sees you again.
You disappear.
Die.

Or like it is in TV shows.
A place where you only live for short periods of time,
Then you disappear and reappear the next week.
If you are in an anime,
You live in a surreal wonderland.
2D, Pretty,   Happy.
Until it ends and you are forgotten.

Or like it is in books.
The romantic ones
Or ones with a happy ending.
Every detail describing your life
So everyone knows.
Then,
As the reader turns the last page,
Snaps the book shut,
It all ends.
They move on and don't think twice about you.
Finally.
Peace.
Dead in the minds of others.
And, maybe someday,
In your own.
I'd like to say Nankurunaisa, but then I'd be lying. There's always something to mess it all up again.
587 · Jun 2013
Wonder and Worry. Synonym?
The New Kestrel Jun 2013
I continue to wonder
If it was too much.
The emotions were intense,
Driven by instinct,
Pleasure, Fire.

*Was it a mistake?
579 · Jul 2013
Dear Diary,
The New Kestrel Jul 2013
Sorry to bother you again,

But I broke down today... I didn't
Expect to, I just... it started raining...

And he looked at me, with disappointment and concern.
He made me promise not to lie. Not to say "I'm okay."

That made me cry more.

How does he do this to me? I've never felt this much.
Ever.
He told me he loved me and always will,
Even if something happens, it'll never change.

It took all of my strength to speak, just to ask,

"How can you be so sure?"

I believed in his reply.
And it truly hope he's right.


                                                                                                Please aid me in this fight with sadness,
                                                                                                             *~Kestrel~
Getting my groove back!!! I have a few others to post later. Enjoy!
567 · Sep 2013
A Formal Invitation
The New Kestrel Sep 2013
Will you lose yourself in a maze with me?
A lot of steps and checkpoints,
Eight foot tall walls of corn stalks.
And secluded circles where the paths don't lead.

Split off from the rest of humanity,
Just us in that labyrinth.

Will you go with me?
567 · Mar 2013
Desire: Centered
The New Kestrel Mar 2013
The chills received
From a brushing of lips,
Painting a masterpiece only the artists understand;
From a caress of the cheek,
Causing goose-flesh to creep along limbs.
The enlightenment found
In an impenetrable embrace,
Strong branches of a body
Encasing another's waist.
The desire felt when
The closeness is not close enough;
The lover is too far away,
But the closeness is forbidden,
For that lover is a phantom.
A shadow of a dream.
The half empty space, a void,
As no one wishes to fill it;
As no one wishes to accompany me.
566 · Jun 2013
Roller-Coaster
The New Kestrel Jun 2013
Heart skips,
Stomach falls,
Cupids bow curves up.
The words you speak,
Text,
Communicate in every way
Gives me a constant
Roller-Coaster Ride.
563 · Aug 2013
Like You Mean It
The New Kestrel Aug 2013
I know you did.
Otherwise, you wouldn't have looked to
Hungry
When you kissed me.

I need to tell you
To kiss me like you mean it
A LOT more often
If that's what will come of it.
551 · Sep 2013
Stop
The New Kestrel Sep 2013
I haven't been able to concentrate on any of my work.
I got everything wrong.
It is easy!!!
And it was all wrong!!!

What the hell is happening to me?
Everything in my life is suffering.
My work,
My mind.
I can hardly meditate anymore because I am too crowded
With this **** in my mind that I wanted to forget.

I am reliving it.

I wanted to avoid this, but I needed people to know. I needed to
Get it out!
That's why I wrote that stupid ******* poem.
But then she found it and now
My life is a living hell.

Just stop it. Please.
546 · Sep 2013
Cloth
The New Kestrel Sep 2013
It's just a piece of cloth,
A sweat shirt you wore today.
You handed it to me because I was cold,
And your scent lingers.

It warmed me immediately

But when I tried to give it back, you didn't take it.
And I just held it to my face, breathing you in.

Now I am lying in bed, wearing nothing but that and a pair of shorts.
I know I will dream of you tonight.
545 · Aug 2013
Break Your Eyes
The New Kestrel Aug 2013
See everything...


With your mind.


Nothing seen with the eyes is real.
Judgement isn't worth it.

Most are incomplete and misjudged.
Faceless and empty.
Broken and scarred.

All because of this impossibly physical reality.

Break your eyes
And reveal the true world.
538 · Jul 2013
Easier
The New Kestrel Jul 2013
You don't fully understand what goes on inside my head.
It is a torrent of confusion, thoughts, and visions.
I have my world, and you have yours.

It might get easier, but you need to understand how foolish you sounded.
You spoke to me as though I was a child!
A GULLIBLE child!
I know people lie or speak before they think,
I know I cant believe everything I see,
I know that the world is twisted and ****** up!
And I read enough and see enough to put two and two together.

I'm disappointed. You told me you were
Inspired to not get mad about others' beliefs.
I don't know what you meant by it, but it sounds
Biased to me.

You told be you see beauty in everything,
But I don't think you do. You don't look at everything.
You assume.
Do you know anything about me?
I haven't even begun to explain!
My lifelong fears,
The isolation I've suffered most of  my life,
My ability to see others for who they really are.
My search for whats right.
My search for my unlabeledviews
Because they're the only thing that makes any sense!

You're different, I know,
But your eyes are still the same.

I love you. I do.
But you really need to see me before you judge.
I tried to, but you didn't really let me.
Now its your turn.
Maybe I'm too worked up, but whatever...
536 · Sep 2013
Circle
The New Kestrel Sep 2013
The reason it is my favorite shape:
It never ends.

And many things do.
Just as many things repeat.
Never ending conversations,
Never ending emotions,
Like the one I feel for him.
Never ending jokes from those who think themselves funny.
Never ending dread and mourning when someone is lost.
Never ending lessons tone taught and listened to.

The never ending life of a soul.
Everything repeats,
Everything is recycled,
Everything lives on,
And everything is born again.
532 · Jul 2013
Pulse
The New Kestrel Jul 2013
It just so happens,
Your pulse reminds me of music.
Or is it the other way around?
A constant beat.
Your voice: The melody.
Every move, every kiss,
I feel it get faster
faster
faster

And with faster music,
Comes more ****** dancing.
529 · Sep 2013
Concrete Walls
The New Kestrel Sep 2013
Different...*
That's all I can say.

I can only wish it gets better
And that these concrete walls
Are, somehow, torn down.
528 · Sep 2013
I Hate All of This.
The New Kestrel Sep 2013
Why can't life be easy?
They make it seem blissful in the movies,
Why not here?

I'm sick of the stress,
The sadness,
The anxiety,
Everything!

Why can't things be like the movies?
528 · Jul 2013
I Don't Know
The New Kestrel Jul 2013
connections are strange.
And i wonder what kind we have.
i know i love you and i know you love me.

do we have a spiritual connection?
meant to teach eachother about the world in our own eyes?
or is it only physical?
only when you touch me or when i kiss you?

do we have a mental connection?
can we trust eachother with secrets and
emotions?
or is that too much for you?

we joke, but we dont have many deep talks.
not about us,
family,
or even the weather and how it makes us feel.
i try,
but are you interested?

do you try to hide from me?
thats how it seems.
only short answers and "yes, im fine."
but i know otherwise.

why wont you confide in me?
thats what im here for.

Every day i feel more and more as though
youre using me as a distraction.
from the trauma
from the curiosity,
from the confusion.

are you?
521 · Sep 2013
Never a Last Day
The New Kestrel Sep 2013
I will never even think of
Losing you, my dear.
I can't think of what running will give me.
I will continue to wonder where
This will lead.
And I do it for you.
I listen to music and I realize
That love lasts forever.
I am through worrying
And trying to memorize
The scenarios that could happen.
I don't know what to say, but
Just know that I only
Fall for you.
And I always will,
Until that last day.
But it will avoid me.
And it will never show it's face.
520 · Sep 2013
Food Baby
The New Kestrel Sep 2013
This is what happens
When I eat too much.

A stomach ache,
And a swollen abdomen.

I look like I'm five months pregnant...
520 · Jul 2013
Love and Pain and Wonder
The New Kestrel Jul 2013
My first thought is
I love you.
I want you.
I'm scared to go farther.
To hurt you.
But I still wonder if you'd let me.

This love and pain and wonder
Is eating me alive.
I worry constantly.
Especially since the pain
Will not be mine.

I am scared that
Our feelings will fade.
Wash away like a memory.
I'm scared to go farther.
To drive you away.
But I still wonder
If you'd stay.

This curiosity kills me.
Lightning in our skies.
Fringing the ends of my heartstrings,
Encasing me in my own lies.
My mind tells me
something is to come.
All I need to know,
Is that it's false.
Not written in my point of view. As I believe another views it.
519 · Sep 2013
The Music Stops
The New Kestrel Sep 2013
And all
F
  A
      L
           L
                S
Silent.
516 · Jul 2013
Simplicity
The New Kestrel Jul 2013
I don't care how easy it is to learn,
I care about the sound.

Like the drums,
It's a beat keeper,
Yet has it's own melody.

Deep Pulse
Pulse
Pulse
Resonating
From these simple strings.

And there's so many hearts to play.
Learning to play bass guitar. In case you didnt catch it.
516 · Dec 2012
Tears
The New Kestrel Dec 2012
Warm against my cheek,
Cold against my heart.
Weakness instead of healing.
The sorrow breaking free.
A burden for others.
And a pain for my head.
The sadness can’t be locked away.
Only held hostage.
Until it breaks lose again.
514 · Sep 2013
Stiff Joints
The New Kestrel Sep 2013
Iwishicouldcurlupandfreezeforever
512 · Mar 2013
Insanity
The New Kestrel Mar 2013
I dream,
Desperately,
Of letting go.
I know I shouldn't,
But I constantly
Cling
to the idea of Euphoria.
Death?
Freedom?
Are they similar?
Or am I insane?
Should I be put away?
Succumb to my greatest fear?
Or settle for my beloved Euphoria?
The one I call Death Herself.
Questions cloud my mind.
So many.
Unanswered,
Puzzle-like.
A saying comes to my vision.

"You are insane if you don't think you are,
but if you think you are, you aren't."

It goes in circles.
Never ending.
Which one am I?
509 · Sep 2013
Strongest We've Been
The New Kestrel Sep 2013
Through thick and thin,
We've improved, learned, and leaned
On each other.
I can't stand my life outside of this.
There is so much drama, and it
Is affecting my work at school.
I can't think.
But you allow me to escape.
I don't care about school,
I don't care about the drama.
I hope I can do that for you.
I hope I am doing that for you.

And I want it to continue this way.
I know you do too, because you've told me.
(And I hope you're not lying to me)

Please.
Remember your promise.
If you ever stop loving me, tell me immediately.
And I will do the same.
507 · Sep 2013
Mark My Words
The New Kestrel Sep 2013
I am warning you.
Stay back.

I will talk, but only because you said
That you'd do some etching for me.
Carve things out and fill in the blanks.

You'd recommend something to me.
And I am grateful, but I am only a client,
Aren't I?

Tell me the name and contact information of my new teacher,
And I will be on my way.
But I don't need a teacher. A master.
I don't need someone other than the ones I already have.
But it would be nice to learn more.
502 · Sep 2013
Now I am Invisible
The New Kestrel Sep 2013
Invisible, unknown.
What's the difference?
Either way I am not seen.
Not believed.
Blamed for everything.

And someone else gets credit for my accomplishments.

Maybe that's why I strive to be
Noticed.
I correct people,
I talk nonstop,
I go on rants about things that no one cares about.
I don't try to.
It just slips out.

And maybe that's why I write in class.

Because I know I am heard here.
You know me better than they do.
500 · Sep 2013
Mind My Overload
The New Kestrel Sep 2013
Just don't mind me.
It's alright, I'm just exploding here.
The stress, the schoolwork, the drama.
Everything.
It is way too much.
I cannot deal wih all of this at once.
I need to relax. I need time. I need to cry again.
But I can't.
And it's tearing me apart.
497 · Sep 2013
Curious
The New Kestrel Sep 2013
Something is different in school.

But what?

It could be that everything that has happened wasn't here
And that affects things, but somehow that doesn't seem right.

I don't know.

But it's affecting me,
And my words are taking a turn for the worst.
I can't think.
494 · Jul 2013
Cause.
The New Kestrel Jul 2013
I've been scared for a while.
Been counting down the days.
Three is still unlucky.

What if what happened was it?
The cause.
It changed something.
It seems like everything I say
Changes something.

I'm sorry.
I tried not to worry,
But I broke.
These thoughts are allspillingout
andIdon'tknowwhattodoand...
I just need to breathe.

Twelve days before the Third.
And I ******* up.
I don't know if that seemed
Like an argument,
But it scared me.





Dear Diary,
            Its been a while since I wrote to you. Its hard because you never reply... Even when I ask for advice. Putting that aside, I just need to know... Why is it always Three? I need that to change. I finally feel stable, and if Three takes that from me... I'll be lost. I know I might cause it this time, but even so, please please please keep Three at bay.

                                                                                                  Wish you well, please respond just this once.
                                                                                                                  *~Kestrel~
492 · Sep 2013
Because of You
The New Kestrel Sep 2013
It seems like everything is perfect.
I am excited to wake up in the morning.
I want to leave the house.
I want to shop for pretty dresses to impress you.

And my heart jumps and my stomach drops
Every time you look at me.

You're right next door, but it doesn't matter.
I still wish you were here.
Because of you,
I have something to smile for.
491 · Sep 2013
To Love An Artist
The New Kestrel Sep 2013
Many say it is dangerous.
That hearts will be broken and
"Darkness will triumph."

But they are wrong.
While there will be struggles,
The love of an artist is true.
We search for the things that are real,
And we respect the boundaries
Because we know what it's like to have them crossed.
We will be distant, but also be the closest person you have
Because we know what it's like to need someone.
We know how to speak and perform
In just the right ways
To show you the beauty imprinted in us,
And the truth we can reveal.

To love an artist,
A poet,
A painter,
A soul,
Is a gift.
And in my opinion, two artists together is the best combination.
490 · Jul 2013
Curious
The New Kestrel Jul 2013
Are we fading?
I keep getting bad feelings,
But I wonder...
Is this just an aftermath
Of my previous worries?

You seem more tense,
Closed off...

I'll give you space,
But I'm worried. About you.
About what will happen.

I can't see the future,
But you can warn me.

And you can tell me.

I'm like you in that way.
I care more about others than I do myself.
And you are no exception.

Please tell me if you are alright?
485 · Jun 2013
Change
The New Kestrel Jun 2013
asleepingcryresurrectedcankill
484 · Aug 2013
Midnight Fire
The New Kestrel Aug 2013
The stars in the sky will melt for you.
All because your midnight fire burns
For those who are cold.
The pain you feel was never yours.
You never learned to
Ignite it.

Your flame, your fire
Rips out my heart.
And leaves me numb.
And leaves me dead.

All of this, every last droplet of
Brine that fell from your darkened skies
Tore through your colors.
And this God left forbidden
Smiles on you, darling.
Just like mine.

The numb, The grey
Consumes my mind.
And cuts through sense.
And cuts through hearts.

A thousand ways I wish I could cry,
But I could never accomplish
The shadows and ghosts
My past bombarded me with
Shortened the time I
Wish I had.

This Midnight Fire
Melts me down, scars
My skin. Leaving
Ash in the wind.
Just a poem for now. Might turn into a song. Any editing ideas or additional lines would be helpful. :)
479 · Aug 2013
Lunar
The New Kestrel Aug 2013
I feel the pull,
The enlightenment the moon gives me.
The energy radiating from it.
A beacon in a dull world
Full of ignorance and blindness.

If they knew the power,
The knowledge behind it,
The world would change.
People would change.

All because of a new found
Inspiration.
Clarity.
Intuition.
478 · Aug 2013
Cursed Curiosity
The New Kestrel Aug 2013
alwaysareasontosayno.dangerloomseverywhere
472 · Apr 2013
Say
The New Kestrel Apr 2013
Say
I can say the things that cannot be said.
It sounds contradictory,
But it is possible.
I will use my body, my soul.
I will hold you while you cry,
And catch your tears in a stained glass jar,
So I can break it over someones head.
I will be your confidant,
Silently mourning your sadness,
But keeping it hidden by your request.
I will be the person you wont be afraid to open up to,
You would come to me,
And let go.

I can say the thing that cannot me said:
I am here,
And so are you.
470 · Sep 2013
Digital
The New Kestrel Sep 2013
I love escaping into the ting
Of digital, electronic
Music.

And my favorite,
The deep and edited voice
Sounds so surreal.
And it lets me escape.

The fast beat, but slow words
Contradict and entice.

Lets you melt into it.
Listening to Silent Shout by The Knife.
466 · Sep 2013
Crime
The New Kestrel Sep 2013
isitacrimetobesleepy
464 · Aug 2013
Scream
The New Kestrel Aug 2013
ijustwanttoscreamandcrywithoutbeingheard
464 · Aug 2013
Blayme (Blame Me)
The New Kestrel Aug 2013
We fight over the silliest things.
Such as a picture you don't like.

And it always Ends in one of us
Not being able to sleep.

This time,
It was me.
Or both of us,
But apparently "I ****"
Because when I finally agree to
Appease you after you give me the cold shoulder,
You feel guilty and can't sleep.
Seems a bit like ******* to me.
But at least it won't ruin us.
Will it?
462 · Jul 2013
Goodbye
The New Kestrel Jul 2013
This is saying goodbye
To the flow of words,
The music without melody,
That offered me solace.
It doesnt work anymore.
The way to vent, let
My emotions escape.
Now, it makes them more painful.
The way to tell him I love him
In my own unique way.
But I cant explain how much I love him.

This is goodbye to my pen and notebook.

This is goodbye to poetry.

At least for now.
459 · Aug 2013
Just Call
The New Kestrel Aug 2013
I will always be here.
For anyone.
Just send me a message,
If you have my digits,
Just give me a call.
Tell me your problems and seek
Advice.
Or just talk.
About the weather,
School,
Sports tryouts.
Anything.

I will always be here.
458 · Mar 2013
Colors
The New Kestrel Mar 2013
People pretend
to be okay,
or sad,
or normal.
To hide.
I see
truths
that might
be best left unsaid.
Colors tell me.
They are
encasing,
caressing the vessels
of souls.
Auras.
The energy that is
an open book
allows me
to read them.
Reality becomes
my sanctuary.
But I am
the only one there.
People pretend
to be okay,
or sad,
or normal.
To hide.
I see
truths
that might just
destroy them
in the end.
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