Whilst walking down the road
Towards the car
Memories in my mind
I saw you

I'm not in love with you
You ruined me for love, I think
But I still can't get you out of me
You're under my skin.

Like a tattoo etched in youth
Regretted later, skin stretching
You won't ever leave me
I can't get you off.

I hate you
It's not fair because sometimes
You don't know what you're up to
You don't see what you do to me

Once upon a time, I could have loved you
With everything I could have given
And I would have given
Everything

But now you took it, stole it
bandit, thief
You're running away with my broken pieces
You don't even know you have them

But be careful, sweetheart
The thing about people
With broken pieces
Is that you ought to be careful

Broken pieces are beautiful
They glimmer in the sun
Shards twinkle
But they cut deep.

So heed me
And take care
Do not cut yourself
On the broken pieces

Of what is left of me
Just keep running.

Like riding a bike after a painful fall
I know it's going to hurt
But I get back on that bike again and I
I find it hurts again
Where I had gotten my hopes up I see now
That it wouldn't happen
That everything would always hurt as much
As it did the last time
And it would continue to do so until
I gave up.

Once, I used to wait up all night
To talk to you
And we'd talk alright
And we'd mend ourselves.

Once, I used to pride myself in
Saying you were mine
And you would nod and agree
And we were mending ourselves.

Once, I left
And you left
And we tried so, so hard to keep it
But we knew we were losing it
Inside, we knew
But neither of us said what we were fearing
We just mended ourselves.

Once, I left
And I changed.
And I was so afraid you weren't
Going to love this new me
So I avoided you like the rain does the Sahara
And I mended myself.

Now I feel so guilty!
Because I know you're hurting
And I can't help but
Want to talk to you but
I can't do it, I can't do it, I can't
Do it

I can't talk to you.
And don't you dare think that
I don't feel guilty
Because trust me I can see your
Messages
IM's
Notifications
And I have to sit there and
Watch them go off!
But I can't talk to you.

Because I was scared
And now
I'm cold.

I really want to run, you know.
I don't want to look at you and if I could
I'd put on a visor or a cap or something
Because I'm so sick of looking at you and feeling things
Because I'm not supposed to feel things
So I've decided:
I really want to run.
As fast as I can, got to go.
I won't even answer when you call, you know.
I'll just run.
When you walk in and I feel the urge to look for you
I will run
And I hope, I pray that eventually
The feelings will go away
But once upon a time, somebody ran,
Saying "as fast as I can, got to go"
And I'm so scared we'll fall apart
But you'll be fine because you don't love me
You'll just be holding the two halves of my heart
and I'll be gone
And you'll just wash your hands of the blood of me
And
I know these things.
They say knowledge is beauty, you know.
I think ignorance is bliss.
I don't want to know these things but I do
And it makes it so much worse that I know
That if I ran as fast as I can, saying got to go,
I might escape the pain that you're causing me.
But I can't because I'm not allowed to,
Because if I did I'd make things personal
And things aren't personal here

When you trust someone again
And they break you in half
You feel stupid.
You tell yourself it wasn't your fault but you know
If you had been smarter, better,
It wouldn't have happened
And you wouldn't have felt so stupid.

If I should have a daughter,
Well, I'd probably lock her away and buy her a suitor
Because I wouldn't want her to feel what I felt.
I'd probably buy her everything
So she wouldn't feel what I felt.
I'd most probably
Eventually
Turn my house into the greatest functioning dystopia
A pill would take away the pain
Everything was chosen for you
The giver, the receiver, everything mapped out
So she wouldn't feel what I felt.
I would probably find friends for her that she could trust
And she would never fight with
So she wouldn't feel what I felt.
If I should have a daughter, I would cry each night
Because I would know
Eventually, she would feel what I felt
And quite possibly more
And I don't want her to feel what I felt
So I don't think I'll have a daughter
So she doesn't feel what I felt.

I just feel like
Nothing's personal anymore.
I can't help but feel like
I'm nothing important anymore.
Like a box on a factory belt, you do your thing,
onto the next one,
I'm just another box,
What difference do I make?
I just feel like
Nothing's personal anymore.

We used to synchronize without realizing.
We used to pull up at the same time and pretend not to see each other
Until one of us would say hello
Or one of us would casually walk into the other
No big, but really
It felt personal.
I just feel like
Nothing's personal anymore.

I used to look for you.
You used to look out for me.
It's not the same, but that's alright
I still look for you
You don't look out for me any more than you do everyone else.
I just feel like
Nothing's personal anymore.

My heart is battered and bruised and torn and fractured and sprained and pulled
And you are a robot on a machine programmed and taught
After all this time, after all this time, you'd think I'd get the message
And I do
But I don't know how to stop
I just know now that
Nothing's personal anymore
Except for my feelings for you
And how worried I get when you don't turn up in the morning
And how anxious I get when you walk into school with deep sunken eyes
And how betrayed I feel when I see you walk and talk to her like you walked and talked to me
And I realize now that it wasn't personal
Well, it was for me but
For you? No. I was just another box on a long conveyor belt,
Another grey brick
Everyone is the same
No one stands out
It's not personal.