Fat fat but nobody knows
Fat fat it doesn't really show
Fat fat like nobody cares
Fat fat baggy clothes she wears
Fat fat but she's always cold
Fat fat her excuses are old
Fat fat she starts to cry
Fat fat her monstrous thighs
Fat fat say something nice
Fat fat give some advice
Fat fat just be kind
Fat fat change her mind
Fat fat?

She's just a girl in this big old world
Working hard and getting by
She's got so much going on with her
She doesn't have much time for guys
You like her. She doesn't even notice
You hang out. She thinks you're just a friend.

What can a nice guy do
To get a chance with you?

He holds open doors
He'll always lend a hand
You can have his seat on the bus
He'll stand
If there's ever a problem
He can give advice

He'll never be the one to make you cry
His company always helps to get you by
Can you even remember when he wasn't by your side?

And all of these things he'll do
Will he ever get a chance with you?

This is a shout out to the nice guys
The best guy friend who's always been there
This is a shout out to the nice guys
someday I hope you get a chance

She's always falling for the wrong ones
They break her heart in two
You know shed be treated like a queen
If she was ever with you

When you tell her she's beautiful
That she deserves so more
Shes smiles right through those tears
Maybe one day she'll admit that
Its been you all these years

This is a shout out to the nice guys
The best guy friend that's always been there
This is a shout out too the nice guys
Just wait you'll get your chance!

Lazy bones
Sore throat
Sleepy spirit
Rough skin
Weak ankles
Daisy thoughts
Dusty mind
Full of longing
Wasting time
Distressed stomach
Deep wrinkles

Hungry is my soul
For Your Love oh God

In a beautiful garden
sits a pretty flower
surrounded by plant life
it's filled with music
it dances and grows
as chlorophyll flows

But a vandal comes
and digs up theflower
grabs it carelessly
ripping out good roots
soon the flower
lies alone on the street
the music, the life
everything, everyone
is gone

The flower is left alone with itself
the flower hates itself
it's ugly, its wrong, its
just not perfect
and noone tells it otherwise
there is noone else
as it fills with black hate
it ripps off its petals
and plucks out it's seeds
it starts to die
it does not look like it will last til dawn

But it does
and as soon as sunrise
a wise old woman
out for her walk
stumbles upon this
pile of sadness
she gently lifts up the flower
being careful not to rip the leaves
or break the stem
she cradles it in her wrinkly arms
and takes it to her house

she waters it
and watches it
and everday she sings to the flower
day by day she always persists
and sure enough, that flower
grows new petals
and strengthens it's stem
life flowing though it
so lyrical now
it recognises the beauty
that has always been there
One day, the woman
returns the flower to the garden
and the flower dances and sings
and worries no more
because it feels beautiful
on its own
and doesnt need the other flowers
*she sings for herself

Pyjamas and peach tea
Warm, comfy, safe, free
Love songs and pumpkin pie
Happy, lovely, lyrical
Warm bath and smooth skin
Relax, Soothe, renew within
Bible and sunrise
Holy, guide, new, light

And these are the flavours of my live

Here's to the...

Calorie counter
Long sleeve wearer
Excessive water drinker
Mirror believer
Professional over-thinker
Clever liar
Hair puller
Tongue biter
Thigh hater
Toilet bowl hugger
Magazine lover
Belly fat ****
At home cryer
Bedroom hider
Internet follower
Social stink bug
One sided therapist
Friend loser
Terrifying truth
Reality dodger
Space-brained
Nicknamed
Love rejector
Anxiety collector
Roller coaster rider
Personal antagonist
Perfection chaser
Hopeless dreamer
Nothing achiever
Unnoticed angel
Silent rainbow
Blood seeker
Soul-searching rebel
Wilting rose

My heart is the robin's egg that fell from it's nest.
Delicate, cracked,
the prettiest shade of blue
Not pulled away by the gasp of the wind,
Not scooted out by an unforgiving orange feline

My heart tried to fly before it's robin had hatched.
Even dreams(ers) have their limitations

Emerging from the blue shell the creature is wounded
very much alive,
very much curious,
newly cautious.
Wings unfolded but yet to soar.

Perhaps one day the wind will guide.

Perhaps one day the dreams will be suited

Perhaps one day I'll fly

*but first I will heal

You are my hope
When I want to give up
You are my strength
When times get rough
You are my guide
When I am lost
You are my guide
When I am lost
You are my light
At times of dusk
You help me see
When I am blind
You build me up
And fix my mind
You give me sleep
When I need rest
You are with me
through every test
You hug me tight
I say goodnight

My angry fist grips tightly
around a chunk of hair that I'll try and rip out
But these thoughts cant be ripped out as easily as my hair leaves the folical void.

Another ordinary day
Or so seems from the
Outside I portray
I'm so content on the outside
While my whole inside is
Dark and grey
My enemies reflect magnify
And measure my flaws
My friends are hurting from the pain that cancers cause
It's not just one
It's so many building up
It's time to fix all this
I've had enough

I try to take matters
Into my own hands
Refuse to listen to
Gods perfect plan
I try to perfect my self
Craving for escape
And when I cave in
It's not even worth the taste
The numbers don't match up
And this is getting tough
It's all these things inside me
All bottling up
I've got to fix this all
It's getting so rough

I peer into the eyes of uncertainty loss an hurt
I try to stay open
when others slam you out
I can see what your going through
I know what hurt is all about
I want to show who
Is helping me
But when I'm falling fast
What example can I be
Fix this please!

No one getting any sleep
Im losing fire inside of me
I need some oxygen
I need to breathe

You're losing hope again
The smiles are just pretend
You need a rescuer
You need to be set free

I'm stuck
Jammed tight between two things
They are heavy
They push on my from both sides
In between them
I think that I'm alone
But its so loud
Not sure how I got here
I need get out of this now
I look to you
You have a better view
You can find me a way out
Quick before this crushes me
I must stand tall
Be strong
My God is with me forever
Nothing can brake me
I will prevail
I have faith
I trust you
Help me to obey
To do things right
And maybe this will not happen again

Get rhythm when you get the blues
Shout aloud true gospel tunes
Open the window
Look outside
Give all the darkness no place to hide
Listen to the birds
Borrow their song
Ride the easy notes to get you along

Straight lines in broken times
Dark tears on sunny days
Talk to me we'll cry together
Our hearts are filled with stormy weather

It cut deep
deeper
darker
Deeper than the blackest, greenest trenches of the Atlantic

Your knife was sharp
sharper
colder
sharper
Sharper than the words off of the tongue of the Evil One

I fell hard
harder
weaker
harder
Harder than a wineglass full of rocks, hitting the hardwood floor

You ripped me apart
tore me in two
How can I ever forgive you?

Peter take my hand
and teach me how to soar
Take me to the place
where time will pass no more
We'll talk and dance
like little kids
Explore the feelings
you once hid
We'll journey with
the lost boys
And poke fun
at captain hook
All we need is
freindship and fairy dust
Like a story from the book
Peter do you miss the old life?
Do you want your fairytale?
Torn between reality
and surreal fantasy
Peter don't you see?
your world does not exist
I have to grow up now
forever you I'll miss

The house is black
I walk to bathroom
And leave the light off
All is dark
Suddenly, silently my
mind awakens and
I see a little girl
staring back at me
A girl with a pure heart
A girl with innocent eyes
I turn the light on
but all I see is me
Not then, but now
Not smile, but frown
Me in my world thats
turned upside down
I long for that girl
That reflection in my mind
I long to be a girl
of a different kind
My soul is dull
My chains are tight
Restore your Love
in me tonight
Take me back to
four years old
The girl who was
loving, brave and bold
The girl whose eyes
does beauty behold
A simple girl.
On fire for you
Make me whole again
Like you do

Swearing like a sailor couldn't keep my ship from sinking

Do you ever just breathe?

Well of course you are constantly breathing,
but do you ever
                                just breathe?

Do you ever lie on your back,
Close your eyes,
And
B   r e    a   t h e

Inhale
               Exhale

Do you ever just breathe?
And feel the rise and decline of your chest,
The intake of oxygen
bringing renewal to every single cell in your body

Do you ever just breathe?
In silence of mind and body.
Still
Except for your lungs,
Your ribcage e x  p   a     n        d           i            n           g,
Diaphragm relaxing,
Then contracting as your ribcage draws in closer

Inhaling wonder
                                Exhaling thankfulness

Thankful to your Maker
Who started this life-sustaining cycle
Of oxygen to carbon dioxide
Which made you alive
So that you were no longer pieces of dust residing on the
         cold ground

Do you ever just breathe?
Only to realize
You've taken many
of your precious breaths for granted,
That each respiration could be filled with inspiration,
That the gift of life is not in fact yours to keep,
Nor to take
And it could be stripped from you at any point.

Do you ever just breathe?
And feel the warm love of the Divine Creator
Who made you special,
just as he made the stars

Do you ever just breathe?
And want to make every breath count



                                                        ­                      *I do

Canvas shoes
Highschool blues
Straight hair
but nobody cares
Slim waist
I hate the taste
Sweet talk
Ticking clock
Young love
Fake hugs
Bright blue eyes
Pitch black lies
White keypad
I'm going mad!

Maybe it's the same feeling that someone had 125 years ago
Maybe the white walls are starving a vibrant soul

Dull inside

Dull
Here

Do you ever want to just...
*step into the wheat fields?

The day is still young,
and forgetful;
Forgiving your first attempts
Forgetting the morning's hiccups,
Now is the time for you to do the same

The day has so much to offer,
as do you.
So hold your breathe and count to ten,
Pick back up and try again

The day is still young,
has so much to offer,
and so do you

A missing piece,
A broken connection,
A shallow ocean of following convention,
Being polite, being together...
                 feels so alone.

They're missing the spirit.
They're missing a fire.
I don't understand how they doubt all that's higher.
Help me to love them,
In ways that I can.
I pray they discover my peace,
The great I AM.

Grey heart
Weak knees
Can't focus
Can't sleep
Your heart's been stretched out and cracked
blood seeping out
Bruised soul
Bitter words
Sour people
Treating you in such a way
It stings inside
Winter lungs
Soggy cheeks
Heavy bones
Where did that happy girl go?
Lost in a maze
Caught in a daze
Foggy eyes
Paper throat
I can see all of this
Deep secrets
Green suspicion
I just want to help
Questions
Doubts
But, Yes
                 I
                    Care.....

I don't understand
She's always so happy
and so nice
A beautiful person
but what's on the inside?
what is the darkness
that makes her stop eating?
what does she see
when it's not her reflection?
why does she feel
like she's not good enough?
I've always liked her
Admired her personality
But now I don't see her
She's not on the bus
Not at school
She's in a white bed
in the hospital
Hating herself
Not eating
Not sleeping
Not talking

"Dear God,
I want to be a poet."

I want to speak in silver metaphors that slither into ear canals and seep into cortexes.
Words that turn eyes to a new perspective,
that crack your skull wide open with honest art.
Reality and creativity,
Taped together and painted over in the truest colours of life.

I want to speak in that powerful, yet still human, voice.
To quake the ground beneath you until you are shaken up
and you shed that exoskeleton of hurt,
or fear,
or doubt,
or ignorance.
I want all of that lifeless skin to loosen its grip around you,
and not bind you so tightly to complacency.

I want to establish communities of words,
that take you in as their own.
Delivered so rhythmically that your own pulse will begin to race inside of you,
parallel to the lines I've written.

I want to make you run with these words,
feel the winds against you,
push past the resistance and onto freedom,
as every weight lifts off of you.
So I can show you that your shoulders were not made to carry boulders,
your eyes were not meant for harsh tears,
and that everyone needs a break sometimes....

I want to be a poet because if I know the truth, I want to share it.
Wear proclamations on the palms of my hands,
hope radiating from my worn skin.

I want to write poems because I know that we're all human,
so why hide it?
Why hide our emotions when we can let them take flight?
If we've gotten through the tangled mess, why can't we reach back and help the next hero climb though?

I want to show love.
I want to understand,
I want to now who I am.

"Dear God,
Thank you for giving me a notebook as a best friend,
and giving me a copy of yours.
I know that no matter how far off I stray with my imagination,
I will always know what is truth."

I wanted to be a poet,
but now,

*I just want to be me

My heart beats iambic pentameter
suggesting maybe I was born to write

The sun breaks through glass and into this empty house
Rainbows are dancing on my cold lonely skin
The perfect song plays

For a moment I wish
The world melts away
All these problems quiet down
My mind is still as water

A teardrop breaks the silence
I flood this house until it is full again

Now, I am empty

Laugh at me and I'll laugh with you
One day it will be just us two
You tell me tales and make me smile
I've fell so far in a short while
Your words so soft and pure like snow
I dread the moment that you go
Love me now with all your might
Wrap you arms around me tight
Kiss
            Me
                      *Goodnight

I am like a tree filled with termites
Everything looks fine on the surface
Until one day I come crashing down

Wifi off.

Disconnected from the misconception of connection.

Long ago I was fun I was happy I was alright
Things were going good the sun was shining so bright
But now I sit and wonder how I've come to this
Felling sick inside and caught in deep sadness
I used to smile and I didn't have to fake
Now I'm tired and I think I need a break
What has happened that made me come to this

One second frozen in time.
Your life stopped on a dime.
If it was­ captured,
In a quick snapshot,
Would this be a photo you orded d­oubles of? 

Is it you staring at your bright screen?
Or with bri­ght smile one your face?
If every moment is significant,
It appau­ling home much of it we waste!

Are you passing the time?
Of fulf­illing your purpose?
Do you know it yet?

When the trumpet sounds,
On that mysterious day,
Will you ­be glad to be taken away?

Will you feel like you've done your jo­b?
Or maybe that your time was robbed?

Will you regret each ­lazy hour spent?
Or be ready to finally ascend?

A cloud in my brain
a rock in my stomach
aching bones
hot eyes
wet cheeks
lungs frozen
*.......I smile like I'm alright

I like to dance and sing and fly
I marvel at how time goes by
The beauty is surrounding us
The wind is so lyrical
leaves crunch
Tea tastes like nature's beauty on your tongue
relax
inhale
the air is stale
carry on
march strong
the world won't be here for long

Another feather ripped from your wings
You're silenced as you try so sing
Why are some of them so mean
     No one hears you when you
     scream
Questions crowd your head
Wishing you were dead
Think of things you said
Out comes the red
Why this time
I thought you promised
But when have you ever
Been honest
Cold blade breaks skin
       They don't see the trouble
       you're in
Because you're life feels worthless
Touching to be thin
You regret all of the places you've been
You've been holding it all in
Your finger slips down your throat as you try to get rid of your mistakes
They make a pile in front of you
   And they'll never know what
   you go through
The mirror is a death sentence
As your self-worth lessens
Visions deceiving
You're no longer eating
     But nobody's seeing your life
     Is a mess
You're in distress
Stressed out
Need to shout
Or cry
But you really want to try
To get better
To heal up
But you effort is not enough


*Help them oh God please lend them the strength
Please show them the truth and your love and it's lengths

Be tender if it kills you
Take the punches like a tree
Let the nasty words dissolve in air
with the yelling and the screams
You can't hurt me, anymore

I'm cursed with all these words
They're stuck inside my head
I need to get them out
So that I can go to bed
Why is it that things are like this now
When only last year I didn't know how
To let go of things to think things out
To figure out what I was about
It's nice to be able to express myself
I've found a rhythm to good mental health
I no longer need to hide my feelings so deep inside my heart
My life has become stable not falling apart
Thank God for showing me paper and pen
I can figure out life who why what where and when
Amen!

Strike me with tragedy
We all ignorantly cry

What disease has our culture yet to romanticize?

We think we want tragedy
But all we ever wanted was sympathy

Rain is a funny thing,
but so is perspective.

I used to think of the rain,
with its heavy gray clouds swelling up with water,
just as my hopeless eyes do with tears.
If mayday parade had been an emotion,
I thought it was the rain.
Now Lord I know this to be true:
The rain is cool and refreshing,
hard downpour so calming but amazing.
Each rain drop brings life and new growth.

Rain is a funny thing,
but so is perspective.
God you change mine.

You smell like grade six

The grade I hated the most.
The year that tarnished my simpleness.
The year I asked all the wrong questions,
      and got all the right answers.

The year of lies and fake friends.
The year I thought would be the best for me,
      but turned out so wrong.
The year the darkness started.

Man, you remind me of grade six
    in more ways than one.
Thankfully that year is history
   and I've long since graduated.
Graduated to something much better

I am weak
like a straw
                                              You are strong
                                              made of stone
I have a foolish mind      
                                             Your knowledge is infinite
My thoughts come and go
Like birds in November
                                            You know them all
I'm a vile creature
seeking temporary fun
                                           You are God
                                            Not a wrong thing you have done
I am lost at sea
                                          Your hand reaches out and
                                         *rescues me

Not all secrets are locked up in boxes
Not all truths are so hard to find

Some loiter at the bottom of napsacks
Others in the pockets of someone else's jacket
Some are laced up in a stranger's shoes
or waiting by the creekside...

We are sleuths,
The Great Adventurers!
and hound dogs
searching and searching

I'm telling you,
All we have to do is get out there...

Where were you that night?
when the stars were not as bright
when the music was dull
and my mind was a dark chaos
The demons were loud, so loud
but you were nowhere to be found

All those hours I should've been sleeping
But my ugly thoughts were creeping around.
I dug for the answers but I was digging my own grave
All the blank stares, the faux smiles
while my mind was distant and wild
I tried to focus but...
I'm already
so far gone

I need you

I took my own life...

for granted

A friend who's at
the hospital
she stopped eating
A friend always tired
she stopped sleeping
A friend feeling troubled
she cuts herself

But in each of these friends
and through helping them
I've found the truths about myself
and I start to understand why
we hide things

A friend dealing with loss
she doesn't know God's peace
A friend who doubts
the Lord's love
she's loosing hope
A friend we all
ask for advice
She doesn't know how to cope

It's a funny thing
because I'd love to
write
now
about what God showed me today
But
What I experienced today
makes my words seem
so limited
they cannot grasp
what I need to say
they cannot describe something of such a Higher power
that I experience
Maybe one day
you can know what left me, woman of many words
so utterly speechless
and on my knees

Blunt force breaks glass
So does resonnance

I hope I'm not that delicate
Because you sure do resonate

This morning, it rains
immitating last night's emotional forcast

    how pathetic

This morning, the ground is wet
yet I can't shake this dry feeling I woke up to

isn't rain supposed to nourish life?

This morning my breakfast is a sugary Kelloggs cereal
but my mouth still tastes bitter from yesterday's words

This morning, I watch children's cartoons instead of the news
Because I'm done with grown ups, with their tragedy and bad weather

Reality destroys the good in the good morning show

This morning, I don't want to go out
Despite that, I sit on this almost empty bus that brings me out into the world

This morning, I wish that my umbrella sheilded me from the negative thoughts that rain down on my head,

and soak my scalp

I don't like isolation but I can't risk exposure
because when the photo is overexposed,
you lose the darkness as well as the photograph.
Which I don't think is a very fair trade...

But this morning, I come to realize peace in the rain,
a cleansing, calm, new beginning
I learn to listen to the pitter patter, which echos my heart beat
And though nothing feels fair, and I feel like I'm drowning
I know the rain will never consume me
So I'll dance in the showers,
and when the waters flood up all around me I will swim
  like I'm back in my favourite version of summer

Rain, rain, don't go away
*somebody needed you

I'm rhyming all the time
Every day and every night
But rhyming like this just
Doesn't feel right
I'm loosing my connection
To the words that I write
My visions getting blurry
And I'm losing my sight