Be tender if it kills you
Take the punches like a tree
Let the nasty words dissolve in air
with the yelling and the screams
You can't hurt me, anymore

Get rhythm when you get the blues
Shout aloud true gospel tunes
Open the window
Look outside
Give all the darkness no place to hide
Listen to the birds
Borrow their song
Ride the easy notes to get you along

A missing piece,
A broken connection,
A shallow ocean of following convention,
Being polite, being together...
                 feels so alone.

They're missing the spirit.
They're missing a fire.
I don't understand how they doubt all that's higher.
Help me to love them,
In ways that I can.
I pray they discover my peace,
The great I AM.

Maybe it's the same feeling that someone had 125 years ago
Maybe the white walls are starving a vibrant soul

Dull inside

Dull
Here

Do you ever want to just...
*step into the wheat fields?

I took my own life...

for granted

Blunt force breaks glass
So does resonnance

I hope I'm not that delicate
Because you sure do resonate

The day is still young,
and forgetful;
Forgiving your first attempts
Forgetting the morning's hiccups,
Now is the time for you to do the same

The day has so much to offer,
as do you.
So hold your breathe and count to ten,
Pick back up and try again

The day is still young,
has so much to offer,
and so do you

Rain is a funny thing,
but so is perspective.

I used to think of the rain,
with its heavy gray clouds swelling up with water,
just as my hopeless eyes do with tears.
If mayday parade had been an emotion,
I thought it was the rain.
Now Lord I know this to be true:
The rain is cool and refreshing,
hard downpour so calming but amazing.
Each rain drop brings life and new growth.

Rain is a funny thing,
but so is perspective.
God you change mine.

One second frozen in time.
Your life stopped on a dime.
If it was­ captured,
In a quick snapshot,
Would this be a photo you orded d­oubles of? 

Is it you staring at your bright screen?
Or with bri­ght smile one your face?
If every moment is significant,
It appau­ling home much of it we waste!

Are you passing the time?
Of fulf­illing your purpose?
Do you know it yet?

When the trumpet sounds,
On that mysterious day,
Will you ­be glad to be taken away?

Will you feel like you've done your jo­b?
Or maybe that your time was robbed?

Will you regret each ­lazy hour spent?
Or be ready to finally ascend?

My heart is the robin's egg that fell from it's nest.
Delicate, cracked,
the prettiest shade of blue
Not pulled away by the gasp of the wind,
Not scooted out by an unforgiving orange feline

My heart tried to fly before it's robin had hatched.
Even dreams(ers) have their limitations

Emerging from the blue shell the creature is wounded
very much alive,
very much curious,
newly cautious.
Wings unfolded but yet to soar.

Perhaps one day the wind will guide.

Perhaps one day the dreams will be suited

Perhaps one day I'll fly

*but first I will heal

Not all secrets are locked up in boxes
Not all truths are so hard to find

Some loiter at the bottom of napsacks
Others in the pockets of someone else's jacket
Some are laced up in a stranger's shoes
or waiting by the creekside...

We are sleuths,
The Great Adventurers!
and hound dogs
searching and searching

I'm telling you,
All we have to do is get out there...

This morning, it rains
immitating last night's emotional forcast

    how pathetic

This morning, the ground is wet
yet I can't shake this dry feeling I woke up to

isn't rain supposed to nourish life?

This morning my breakfast is a sugary Kelloggs cereal
but my mouth still tastes bitter from yesterday's words

This morning, I watch children's cartoons instead of the news
Because I'm done with grown ups, with their tragedy and bad weather

Reality destroys the good in the good morning show

This morning, I don't want to go out
Despite that, I sit on this almost empty bus that brings me out into the world

This morning, I wish that my umbrella sheilded me from the negative thoughts that rain down on my head,

and soak my scalp

I don't like isolation but I can't risk exposure
because when the photo is overexposed,
you lose the darkness as well as the photograph.
Which I don't think is a very fair trade...

But this morning, I come to realize peace in the rain,
a cleansing, calm, new beginning
I learn to listen to the pitter patter, which echos my heart beat
And though nothing feels fair, and I feel like I'm drowning
I know the rain will never consume me
So I'll dance in the showers,
and when the waters flood up all around me I will swim
  like I'm back in my favourite version of summer

Rain, rain, don't go away
*somebody needed you

"Dear God,
I want to be a poet."

I want to speak in silver metaphors that slither into ear canals and seep into cortexes.
Words that turn eyes to a new perspective,
that crack your skull wide open with honest art.
Reality and creativity,
Taped together and painted over in the truest colours of life.

I want to speak in that powerful, yet still human, voice.
To quake the ground beneath you until you are shaken up
and you shed that exoskeleton of hurt,
or fear,
or doubt,
or ignorance.
I want all of that lifeless skin to loosen its grip around you,
and not bind you so tightly to complacency.

I want to establish communities of words,
that take you in as their own.
Delivered so rhythmically that your own pulse will begin to race inside of you,
parallel to the lines I've written.

I want to make you run with these words,
feel the winds against you,
push past the resistance and onto freedom,
as every weight lifts off of you.
So I can show you that your shoulders were not made to carry boulders,
your eyes were not meant for harsh tears,
and that everyone needs a break sometimes....

I want to be a poet because if I know the truth, I want to share it.
Wear proclamations on the palms of my hands,
hope radiating from my worn skin.

I want to write poems because I know that we're all human,
so why hide it?
Why hide our emotions when we can let them take flight?
If we've gotten through the tangled mess, why can't we reach back and help the next hero climb though?

I want to show love.
I want to understand,
I want to now who I am.

"Dear God,
Thank you for giving me a notebook as a best friend,
and giving me a copy of yours.
I know that no matter how far off I stray with my imagination,
I will always know what is truth."

I wanted to be a poet,
but now,

*I just want to be me

Sitting in this warm house
I look out the window that keeps me safe inside
I look through to a snowy paradise

Man, it looks beautiful...
from in here at least
but the grass chokes beneath the suffocating snow
and the glittery ice on dead trees weighs the branches down.

From inside this season is a pleasant scene,
In reality, tragically beautiful.
Nature's remnants shrouded by frozen precipitations.
     How can each single unique snowflake band together to push cars off of roads?
     And seal doors shut?

Winter you are real,
     A crazy gorgeous, yearly event
with the power to make us slow down,
                                                   or stay in.

Winter you are a force to be observed and not challenged.
Sometimes you freeze us,
but you always look spectacular.

Wifi off.

Disconnected from the misconception of connection.

Do you ever just breathe?

Well of course you are constantly breathing,
but do you ever
                                just breathe?

Do you ever lie on your back,
Close your eyes,
And
B   r e    a   t h e

Inhale
               Exhale

Do you ever just breathe?
And feel the rise and decline of your chest,
The intake of oxygen
bringing renewal to every single cell in your body

Do you ever just breathe?
In silence of mind and body.
Still
Except for your lungs,
Your ribcage e x  p   a     n        d           i            n           g,
Diaphragm relaxing,
Then contracting as your ribcage draws in closer

Inhaling wonder
                                Exhaling thankfulness

Thankful to your Maker
Who started this life-sustaining cycle
Of oxygen to carbon dioxide
Which made you alive
So that you were no longer pieces of dust residing on the
         cold ground

Do you ever just breathe?
Only to realize
You've taken many
of your precious breaths for granted,
That each respiration could be filled with inspiration,
That the gift of life is not in fact yours to keep,
Nor to take
And it could be stripped from you at any point.

Do you ever just breathe?
And feel the warm love of the Divine Creator
Who made you special,
just as he made the stars

Do you ever just breathe?
And want to make every breath count



                                                        ­                      *I do

My heart beats iambic pentameter
suggesting maybe I was born to write

Swearing like a sailor couldn't keep my ship from sinking

Strike me with tragedy
We all ignorantly cry

What disease has our culture yet to romanticize?

We think we want tragedy
But all we ever wanted was sympathy

You smell like grade six

The grade I hated the most.
The year that tarnished my simpleness.
The year I asked all the wrong questions,
      and got all the right answers.

The year of lies and fake friends.
The year I thought would be the best for me,
      but turned out so wrong.
The year the darkness started.

Man, you remind me of grade six
    in more ways than one.
Thankfully that year is history
   and I've long since graduated.
Graduated to something much better

99 bottles of emotion on the wall
they're all full to the brim
sometimes the get shaken up
but they seldom get opened up and poured out
except when dumped on the pages of this notebook

I'm scared to pick up the phone because if it was you I couldn't get someone to lie and say I am in the shower.
If it was you I would have to decide if I wanted you the truth,
to ask you why it got like this
It scares me that although I seem so sure that I'm okay to ignore you, that I don't need you,
it still bothers me that you haven't talked to your daughter in over a month.
Did you even care at all or did you just feel obligated because I'm one of your kids?
Are you just occupied with other people now, so you don't have to go to me?
And I can't call you
because I like that means you've won.
Proving that I need you or something sick like that.
That I caved first.
But I won't.

All of this is so broken
All of it.
And no one wants to cut their hands trying to pick up the pieces,
it may never get any better.

I don't even like the word never! Yet it seems so appropriate because I don't like this at all.



No
                     NO
                                           Stop this heavy hurt.

Or at least.....
                          *call your daughter

I can't say that 'h' word
because if I did it would say more about me than it would about you

It all stays bottled up inside of me
Sometimes it leaks out my eyelids
streaming out down my cheeks
Sometimes it seeps out through my pores
when I wake up in a cold sweat

Lord I know you've got my back
When my dry ground begins to crack
*you send the rain

If my poem stopped too soon
its because my page ran out of room...
when I get to the end I have so much trouble pushing onward

Sitting
Thinking
My heart is sinking
Tracing fatal lines across my mind map
And I'm hitting a lot of potholes
because no one ever tends to these rough roads

When I'm feeling frail
Or even full of anger
The pen meets paper

Even if its a few words
Or just a measly scribble
It makes all the difference

Maybe it's the quiet
The solidarity
A time to reflect

Could it be the escape
Into my dreams
And creations

Or is it simply
The smell of the ink in this cheap pen
That feels like home

I am like a tree filled with termites
Everything looks fine on the surface
Until one day I come crashing down

My angry fist grips tightly
around a chunk of hair that I'll try and rip out
But these thoughts cant be ripped out as easily as my hair leaves the folical void.

The sun breaks through glass and into this empty house
Rainbows are dancing on my cold lonely skin
The perfect song plays

For a moment I wish
The world melts away
All these problems quiet down
My mind is still as water

A teardrop breaks the silence
I flood this house until it is full again

Now, I am empty

Brick by brick
I've built my castle
These stones as cold
as my poor heart

These walls as tall
as my hopes once were
Now they dwell
deep in the trenches

On scarce occasions
when trespassers roam
The gates are locked
and I'm safe (and lonely) inside

I'm hurting, Lord Jesus
   But you bled more than I can know
I'm foolish, Lord Jesus
   But you payed for my mistakes
I'm angry, Lord Jesus
    But you are the King of Love
I'm restless, Lord Jesus
    *You give my soul rest

Where were you that night?
when the stars were not as bright
when the music was dull
and my mind was a dark chaos
The demons were loud, so loud
but you were nowhere to be found

All those hours I should've been sleeping
But my ugly thoughts were creeping around.
I dug for the answers but I was digging my own grave
All the blank stares, the faux smiles
while my mind was distant and wild
I tried to focus but...
I'm already
so far gone

I need you

I hate you
For shaping me
Into everything I never wanted to be

Its been this bad
Once before
It scares me to think I might be going that way again
It scares me to think of the mess I'm in
It scares me that's it's all come so fast
It scares me to think how long this might last
I'm empty inside
And I cannot hide it
Weeks ago I could not stop smiling
Now I'm barely crying
Has all emotion left me
Except this ache
This ache deep inside
It makes my muscles shake
An people stare
They're worried
I may seem angry
It not your fault
I am really sorry
I'm trying to be happy
Tomorrow I need to talk about this
Or soon
I can't sleep
You ask if I want Tylenol
But pain killers won't **** the type of pain that's killing me
Oh please
If only I could have a good cry
To let some of this escape
I can't stay awake and I can't sleep
Why does this always cut so deep?

a quiet in my head, the words are left unsaid
and sting on the tip of my tongue
the tears have dried and salt stains my bruised cheeks
I don't want to eat
I don't want to see
my eyelids fall and I descend into a dark hole
the looking glass into my soul, with a blood-stained lense
I struggle for air, my veins are stretching ready to tear
I don't even care
take this pain far away, let me go to my escape
I need a pause -- an extra five
I'm struggling to stay alive
my back lies on the cold ground
I don't hear a sound

If they knew
If they saw
My heart pink and raw
Would they stand in awe?

If they saw
If they read
All the thoughts in my head
Would the truth stain them red?

If they read
If they knew
If they saw


If I shared...


no

        no
                    
                 ­ *nobody cares

With the scars on your skin
With your soul wearing thin
All the places you've been
I love you still

With the hurt in your eyes
With your fear of goodbyes
Every time that you cry
I love you still

With your delicate heart
With your mind torn apart
I will never part
I love you still

With your aching soul
With your empty holes
When you're losing control
I love you still

With you life turning black
With you wanting you back
When your heart starts to crack
I love you still

With a smile that fades
With the choices you've made
When your hopes float away
I love you still

Here's to the...

Calorie counter
Long sleeve wearer
Excessive water drinker
Mirror believer
Professional over-thinker
Clever liar
Hair puller
Tongue biter
Thigh hater
Toilet bowl hugger
Magazine lover
Belly fat ****
At home cryer
Bedroom hider
Internet follower
Social stink bug
One sided therapist
Friend loser
Terrifying truth
Reality dodger
Space-brained
Nicknamed
Love rejector
Anxiety collector
Roller coaster rider
Personal antagonist
Perfection chaser
Hopeless dreamer
Nothing achiever
Unnoticed angel
Silent rainbow
Blood seeker
Soul-searching rebel
Wilting rose

Another feather ripped from your wings
You're silenced as you try so sing
Why are some of them so mean
     No one hears you when you
     scream
Questions crowd your head
Wishing you were dead
Think of things you said
Out comes the red
Why this time
I thought you promised
But when have you ever
Been honest
Cold blade breaks skin
       They don't see the trouble
       you're in
Because you're life feels worthless
Touching to be thin
You regret all of the places you've been
You've been holding it all in
Your finger slips down your throat as you try to get rid of your mistakes
They make a pile in front of you
   And they'll never know what
   you go through
The mirror is a death sentence
As your self-worth lessens
Visions deceiving
You're no longer eating
     But nobody's seeing your life
     Is a mess
You're in distress
Stressed out
Need to shout
Or cry
But you really want to try
To get better
To heal up
But you effort is not enough


*Help them oh God please lend them the strength
Please show them the truth and your love and it's lengths

When the mirror
Tells you lies
Every time you
Turn and hide
The Lord is still
By you side
He wipes the tears
From you eyes
When you hurt
On the inside
When you're lost
And can't decide
When you're scared
You're terrified
Trust the Lord
He'll be your guide
His arms are always
Open wide

Fat fat but nobody knows
Fat fat it doesn't really show
Fat fat like nobody cares
Fat fat baggy clothes she wears
Fat fat but she's always cold
Fat fat her excuses are old
Fat fat she starts to cry
Fat fat her monstrous thighs
Fat fat say something nice
Fat fat give some advice
Fat fat just be kind
Fat fat change her mind
Fat fat?

I'm rhyming all the time
Every day and every night
But rhyming like this just
Doesn't feel right
I'm loosing my connection
To the words that I write
My visions getting blurry
And I'm losing my sight

Want to get rid of it
But somehow I can't
Maybe tomorrow
I'll do better
Maybe tomorrow
I'll stick to it
Maybe tomorrow
Maybe
Maybe

I'm stuck in a mess
And I can't find my way
Maybe today
I'll get help
Maybe today
I'll tell someone
Maybe today
Maybe
Maybe

I've decide to get better
I just don't know how
Maybe now
You will see it
Maybe now
You can help
Maybe now
Now
Now

Time
Giving birth to space
Time
I wish I could erase
Time
An undetermined pace
Time
The trouble we create
Time
Time
Its all mine

What if you knew
What if you read these words that my heart has always wanted to say to you
What if you saw
The all of my true feelings
Uncensored and raw
What if you understood
Why the outcome was bad
But intentions were good
What if you read all my words then looked me in the eye and knew me and hugged me
and old we grew…