She was a nursery

off the edge of dusk.

But like the night,

it all faded into

obscurity.

I stood at the fountain
  where they said there was
  a wish per finger.
                 Keep your thoughts and
                  hands together,
I'm not exactly a pretty boy,
      but there are miracle men
who always seem to make it right.
a blown candle on a special night,
I become totally affixed on who
I'll love next.
   I need more shotguns,
some form of defense;
     my mind was weak to your
affliction, my mind was lost to
time. I'll miss you by about a day,
but by then I'd have forgotten if I
ever loved anyone else.

"sounds like a member of the past;
nothing you can really change,
even if you tried."

the cat's beauty
was revered by kings
of lands far away-
but her majesty had passed
of old age.

they talked no more of her
as she was now gone
from this world.
still the mother's heart
wept on every day,
but the soldier kings
said it's best
not to dwell on it,
but that kitten would live
on within their mind..
taking up that silence
where there were once
purrs.

do you like me as an artist or as a friend?
was I a lover that called at the end of the night, or one that faded into the darkness?
am I preserving voice within your life or just a chiming ear across the bar?
a tongue spewing a string of meaningless profundity or am I a list drawn of striking profanity?
a professional handshake ?
or a charming smile ?
an awkward pause ?
do I swim in your mind like a diver ?
or do I pass like a wind ?

the people that cross paths
with me change,
for better or for worse-
I don't know.
I have an effect on people-
that's true.
it's hard to tell what
kind,
where exactly they diverge
alike to my path.
but I find myself in
each person that
cross that threshold,
but as they change,
I change too.
I change into something
I remember
from before;
something familiar,
but distant.

you watched me like a specimen
as I ripped myself open to you
in every inch
of my infected mind
without a word you gazed
upon something that had fallen
so far from grace with a curiosity
of a morbidly astounished
passerby.

you were better than you mocking me
like I'm just an excrement,
better than you playing pretend that you love me
and ensuring the most gain
of my ensured loss
from the plans of your getaway

I've called to God so many times
in maggot infested trenches and
the only answers were
ever in my prayers,
someone must be there
to treat me right
respect me
so that I may try to love
again.

For now it's a disgust
to try for anyone's lips,
a deep despair in the
theory of your embrace,
some shame like it a stain
upon my name.
but these old ways slowly
wash away with
each day,
my past of a broken love
drains down the drain.

and if you were here to stay
if you wanted to be by my side
and you were here to stay
to love me right everyday,
I'd take you to be- be you as you may.

ive looked different every season
a new face with a changed reason
picked up a new scar, that was once a lesion

it's hard to keep it straight
like a new task that im returning late
some will call it karma, some would call it fate

my past is a lesson, my past is a weight
it's golden, it's a blur
only some would relate