I've been here before
So much so that all I can do is grin
Grin at the fact that I've yet to learn my lesson
Or maybe I just have bad luck
After repeated offenses I can't be upset
Nor can I cry or **** God
All I can do is grin, sigh and think
Think about what I attract and how I've come to this
Emotionally unavailable yet willing to risk it all for the one?
Are these men a mirror image of me and I of them?

I want you
The one that has no time
The one that is selfish
The one that acts like he doesn't care or doesn't act just really doesn't
The one that just got out of a situation therefore "needs" time

To be bitter and naive? I don't have the energy
These mirrors don't lie
And until I learn my lesson will these mirrors then die

You are not for me and I am not for you
It's not suppose to be this complicated
Time and space have held us apart
Like an unknown force that holds you down in your sleep when you know you're awake

I want your warm naked body on mine
And I want you to look into my eyes
And for both of us to know, that in another life we were lovers
Possibly forbidden or Pharaohs not arranged in marriage
And when we look into each other's eyes we know,
God aligned you and I

But that is not the case with you, although I swear it was for a split second
You are not for me and I am not for you

To love without fear; what a virtue
I care so much, but I cant show it
Even if I tried, a force pulls me back
my mind goes blank, I have nothing to say
when I am away from you the right words pour in
How simple for you to hold me or say something sweet
Maybe if  said the right things you'd understand
But words wont do what actions will
I just cant. too jaded, too scared.
I am frozen

Here I am missing you, you have a new name every other season
but you are the same person every single time
You see a guarded soul but you don't care
so I believe you are here on a mission to break down these walls and that you won't give up
But you never even start. False hopes.
you are suddenly aloof and now i miss and thirst for you even more
You were here only for one night

Random but I love life
I don't ever wanna die
But i didn't always feel this way
I never saw the shine
It was mostly rainy days
and dark thoughts that drowned my mind
A pain sublimely painful, although it didn't seem so at the time
A pain sublimely painful because I learned and grew so much
And if I had the chance to repeat it all I think Id say I might
I'd go through it chopped and *******, pay my dues
*** every minute, every hour made me strong and true
and even though I'm not the "Standard girl"
I accept the tainted one I am today
So don't even bother judging me Ive done it 1,000 times a day

You took all I had without a chance to reel you in,
you were gone before I knew it

1 glass of wine is never enough
although it feels so good
1 more, 2 more assures the feeling will stay a while longer
The feeling of self love, inspiration and optimism.
I plan out the perfect encounter in my mind
You find me irresistible, yet we rush nothing
Because the anticipation entertained by words is more satisfying.
But oh the feeling when we finally do it.
Will it be like hot fire?
I believe so.

I'm tired. My eyes hurt and I want to go to sleep
But Im scared. Im scared of the space between the darkness in the room and my eyes closing shut because thats when my mind stabs my heart with a dagger the hardest

You are my calling, a piece of me,
My world in another life and just a taste in this one.
So if you go, it would be a cruel joke.

Heartbreak feels a little better than before.
Although if I lose you, I will lose all purpose.
But alteast this time, when I cry,
A small sense of optimism and pleasure resurfaces.
For this feeling is familiar. Therefore I know I'll make it out alive.
Still I love you hard. I don't want to lose you.

A part of me sees things "logically" I guess.

Theres distance between us literally and metaphorically.

Metaphorically theres distance between us so why not accept that and let it go?

Literally theres distance between us so theres nothing we can do about it and we can't work on things because of it so why not let it go?

But another part of me is so mad at you.
Why aren't you looking for me?
Why aren't you fighting of us?
Where is your grand gesture?
and I question wether you really loved me.