"i want to be with you//i want to be used"

he sings
as i lay in the background
the piano hits the back of my skull
and i am grateful for the skin on skin contact
merely
you
your body beneath mine
and i remember what it felt like
to ******* endlessly into the night
and you?
i hope you do
i hope that single memory alone
haunts you
when you lay alone in your bed
late nights of longing
i wonder if you will miss me
if you already do

the young girl
the one with the beautiful face
and strong arms
the southern drawl
the voice that cut clear across all rooms
my room
i made room for you
because i wanted to
you told me tonight
that we never had had to fight
for one another
but you are wrong
see,
all this time
i fought for you
when all signs
said to leave
but i'm no good at leaving
i stuck through
endless parades
celebrating how awful
we were
i saw through
the guidelines
and threats
i took it all as a blind warning
because all i saw was you
you
you
the blonde child at war with herself
and all i wanted was to love you
wholly
holy
humbly
turned myself inside out for you
only to find that
you would throw it away
in a five minute bind
i hope it was worth it
i hope it was
what you needed
i hope it was
true

Pretty soon,
No void will have existed
You know how we humans work
Don't forget
Or pretend to miss it

the reality
of nights without you
hits me in the chest
at the most random of times
the sudden thud
of what's to come
blind sides
hides
behind the eyes
of futures unknown
of possibly my future wife
but i don't let my mind go there
anymore
because anymore
sounds more like a chore
and for you
it's all about the leaving.

I'm ******
singing love songs to my ceiling
humming
humming
humming to you
every note, a reminder of you
every note, a reminder of why i have to leave

your body aches
without me
but your mind
fights
and you become horrible to me
frustrated
impatient
unkind
and i know it's time to go
because you still don't realize
how often you take me for granted

but one day
my voice
won't be calling you

will you miss it?

Time will tell
But I've never been good
At timing