Back then
I bought you some cigarettes.
you always craved another
Even after a few hours had passed.
The smoke dove into your body
And flew back out into the air
As your lovely lips
Set it free;
I was always so fascinated-
But I swore to myself
I'd never get into such a habit
Because I would hate to get addicted
To such a silly thing

Now
I no longer have someone
So alluring to observe;
I picked up my first cigarette,
brought it to my mouth
And held it the way you taught me to.
As I inhaled my strain
And released my tension with the smoke
I felt the hum of relief travel
From the top of my head
To the tips of my toes--
I had only held it once
And I knew I'd become addicted
To such a silly thing
much like the way I had gotten addicted
To you

Ever since you left
I've been trying to go back
To how I was before
I ever met you

I've been trying to smile
And I've put extra effort
towards being happy

I've been so deep
Inside my mind
That I've nearly
D r o w n e d
Searching for the shore

But as I lay on my bed
And listen to the guitar strings
Plucking from my stereo
I sense a familiar feeling
Of sadness

Perhaps I've always been this way
And you were simply

A distraction.

last night
I sat in the passenger seat
as we hit the road to nowhere
just like I used to
we sang cliche radio hits
at the top of our lungs
just like we used to
I giggled at everything
that rolled off your tongue
just like I used to
we looked each other in the eyes
with goodnight but no goodbyes
but that's not what we were used to

-a.f.