her silence had conquered me
she allowed that i should build a tower of sandstone
she allowed that she would grant me the sea and its grandeur
and that the sea should ever beat upon the door like hunger
calling me to take my place in her dark halls
for she had once said that it was natural
that a man should hunger and strive
she allowed that i could have these
things for she was kind in her way
so it was a craftsman's eye she set to
stitch this raggedy man

when at last i stole away in early hours
and paid truth's price in coins of otherworldly realms
she spoke to me with such stern regrets haunting her voice
she said that you must return to your birthright
now you must tear down this tower
and see and speak what lay at its base
so the sea cannot wash away
the world cannot grow gardens over it
you must uproot it and lay it in the sunlight
you must weep as innocence would
as innocence should

she lead me to that place in the gardens grove
and set to clearing the stones
revealing the artwork carved
and the stain embedded
set to revealing the flawed man
set to revealing the nature of his inner gears
for none can be free untill they have found freedom within
and this long hour i sit and pray
that night will end
at long last
at this healers hand

he interrupted me
in the middle of
an earth shatteringly
pointless story
to tell me i had
a cute laugh,
in a smoke-filled
garage infront of
all of our friends.
i said,
"alright dude
*******"

that night
i slept in the fetal
position with four blankets
and craved his skin so
bad i didn't even notice
that i bit my lip
until the pool of blood
collecting inside the deep ditch
of my gums, began to taste
of hot metal

today he texted me
while i was at work
and asked if he could
bring me a coffee
i looked at myself
in the bathroom mirror,
sighed and told him
we were busy
then i bought a
coffee for myself,
let the bitter sweet
warm liquid
linger on my tongue
and pretended
it was his lips

alone is a state of being
and i have never been alone,
lonely is a state of mind
and i have never been anything but