How do you spit acid and warp the way
Perception soaks up reality
And then stroll up like you have curls
And didn’t steal that poor kids candy?
Demanding I start handling
All the cracks in your porcelain heart?
Thinking you can catch me
And make me who I was before
You tore my wings off and broke
Every promise you ever made.
Think you could have made me stay
In the pouring rain, endure the dark.
But the things you said and the way you say
Makes people think differently, when
It just don’t quite line up.
It kills me , draws on my old pains
And feels strange to turn you down.
But I can’t stick around and listen to your *******.
It’s you….
Or me…
And I have friends who’ll miss me.
And you make me lose hope in humanity,
Oh yeah and grip on my sanity.
Find someone else to blink your
Big
Blue
Eyes at.

Today my heart bleeds in my open chest,
My head rest on a stained pillow case
And my thoughts chase their tails inside my head.
Today I spent to many hours alone,
Waiting for my mistakes to play out,
Watching the stakes grow high,
As circumstance and fate conspired
To show me exactly how alone an individual can be.
Today the breeze blew a whisper
So soft and free, I hate the things it said
About how I’m losing me.
I can’t remember where I’m going ,
I have forgotten where I’ve been.
I remember being shorter
But never feeling like a kid
Today I spent hours wishing I could
Feel like something I could recognize
Wishing I could hide inside
The dreams I used to have,
Wishing I could grasp at things
I used to understand.
Today I fell and the ground flew up
So fast to hit me hard.
Today I realized that loving myself
Just shouldn’t be so hard.
And that my broken smile has
Its own wicked cynical charm.
I’m still breathing, so why can’t I
For the life of me
Feel like I’m living.
Today is just another day
I fell through,
but whether or not I lived it,
well I couldn't really tell you.

I wish it were simple enough that I could cry
And stamp my feet at it,
let my eyes catch fire and my chest implode
To the beating of my agry fist.
Make there way the easy way,
but
I no more know there is a way
then I know there is a purpose.
Everything is a half shadow dripping from the elusive
And enigmatic nature of the unknown.
And you can not scream or stomp
At the silent,
Or the invisible,
You cannot pound your fist over a shadow,
You can’t bellow at the top of your lungs
Over things that reside under your own skin
And wreak havoc between the walls of your own head.

   If you have accompanied loneliness
   A little longer than bliss
   i have to remember your feeling this
   hell, you can sit here with the rest
   of us to attest
   to the greatest wall of them all,
              for a generation raised on the temptations
              of instant gratification,  
              throwing fits over adds
              aired on there favorite stations,
              we were never prepared to deal with
              overwhelming  alienation.
                        ­        I want to scream over
                                oceans of silence
                                not cheap ways to appease
                                desires  born
                                out of isolation
                                look into the pain of your eyes
                                and screech my defiance.
                                find a real friend in alliance.
                                in all the fast race days,
                                welling in pressure and change
                                          were forgetting our ways to find
                                          a person and stay.
                                          every one cries, screams and pleads
                                          every ones dieting and fighting
                                          wanting the exact same things
                                          every ones to busy walking away
                                          too look at each other
And whisper
"I want you to stay"

there is one benefit of crawling out of the darkest depth of ones personal hell. Surface level seems pretty ******* awesome.

Every argument is the end of the world.
It is without doubt the crumbling of everything
Wonderful in your current existence,
It just is, end of thought no sense in resistance.
My words are fire bringing you down down
To some personal hell, I’m astounded
That you have found this, so simply to be your
Honest truth, I have little patience, I hate this
And you become inpatient when I’m laughing
At the time you’ve wasted, and I don’t feel bad
For finally saying the things neither of us look forward to facing
But its better than letting all this stuff chase us,
But its not us is it, its only me how dare I
Slow down long enough to confront anything
Surly once again I have brought about the inevitable end,
And why would I go out of my way to ruin
Such a beautiful thing, I guess I’m just mean.
Isn’t that what you said?

I keep trying to wrap my head around
The aching in my chest
I keep second guessing all the people who loved me best
And perhaps why I’m crying and feel
My soul unwinding,
Is my hearts been trying to
Get the attention of the two girls who had me
In a dark world, regardless of what was happening
Now think me pathetic and time has shown
That I don’t really know
If I was out grown , or
If after pain I came to think space
Even in darkness a nice place,
Regardless I miss feeling like
I belong and I try long and hard
But there are few people
Fewer places to call home,
And in the distance in the dark
I just wish I had you in my arms.
In arms that have yet harm
My throbbing heart ripped out my chest,
And laid bare to rest on your strong fingertips,
A risk I cannot fathom in a time like this
But non the less it happened,
And you make me happy,
In ways I never thought I would again
I have the best lover my best friend.
And I cry when your leaving
But don’t fall into thinking your thieving
Away my happiness, your smile
Dear is why it exists.

Its forced, like a crow bars metal bite
Against the cold surface of my heart
Where the anxiety pries,
Hard against my insecurities,
All my bad dreams, and
Old deeds done and buried, regretted
And carried to their graves,
Never to be replicated,
Torn from there spot
At the bottom of my heart,
Blood spills, crimson dripping
Down the concaved prison.
And with all the feelings that have risen
For no good reason I feel ashamed.
When I was dyeing but survived,
I wish I had just closed my eyes
And drifted to whatever end
Suits me best and sooths anxieties
I hold in my chest.
To feel free for
Just a single day,
Be free of me and this
I confess is the brightest
Of all my pipe dreams.
Not scared with the panic of my anxieties,
always chasing me.