I think of him like
the desert thinks of rain
wondering if there's
much to gain
'cause when he comes
he leaves me flooding
an exposed surface
left with nothing
but he still runs deep
absorbed entirely
a lifeline till
our storm sparks lightning

What's equality when theirs cops
Beating around the neighbourhood
With a loaded gun nudging guilt
On the wounded sides of the bullied
Spitting on the youth with a blind eye
Turned away from bottles of pills
That we're forced in innocent hands
Because apparently they had a
                  problem with authority
-tdf

off the rails
railway tracks
why I fail
is the knowledge I lack

shifting seasons
no more reasons
different textures
cut up pictures
                           gone

chilled breezes
untamed seizures
present living
past escaping
                            I'm gone
-tdf

it hurts and its not the pain that makes a suffering
it's the thoughts that fuel the negative feeling

that eats you till you're torn at flesh
like wounds shining with blood too fresh

I know you feel you're dying inside
and the ***** crashing in your liver is a tide

cause you've been drowning the whole year
so you could learn to forget the fear

of not fulfilling an expensive education
and settling for your parents situation

My demons
From the shadows
Are a limitless power
That overtowers
Sanity in its weakest form
That I used to welcome
Until I left them

So listen here
Sinister and Fear
You don't own me
You can't ruin me

I won't let you take me back
I won't let you increase the lack
Of love that I am able to give
This is my life, that I will still live

So ******* and your prescriptions
Plus your clinics that once held me
I can make it through
This month or two
Before insanity
Overtakes me

I cannot  ignore you
I know you are there
Waiting in the shadows
Preparing your dark lair
You can torture my thoughts
And try and scrape through my skin
But you won't take the will I have left
This time I will win

What changed?
          is it optimism
          or a new bed of lies

          forgiven scars
          or prophecies


What's choices without emotions
Why is that wrong
-tdf

They gave us a world
that we were meant to protect                                    
Born to grow in its imperfections                                
but forced into caged construction
We destroyed our sense of adventure
By putting a sale price on the final treasure
the young misguided will disguise *** as love
And then be abused in the name of heavens above
We're lost inside the confused minds of damaged souls

                                                          ­                                    We're
                       ­                                                                 ­ Falling
                                                         ­                                   Down
                                                                ­                          The         
                          ­                                                                 ­  Rabbit
                                                          ­                                  Hole

why is being content
not filling me at all
its fulfilling a future
but my tear ducts are empty

not a tear shed
cause not a heart has been bled
when I know through real eyes
that CONTENT is a lie

I haven't met the eye
of passion in a while
but I know she's begging
to confuse that shy smile

and SHE is also lust
because only HE knows
that her body is a trust
leave her and feed her
with love like money
needy but falsely accused as greedy

for HE is not simply a man
who is lusting
but two arms that are both
caressing and engulfing

and when I'm released
and he finally claims me
I'll be able to portray
a love that saved me
from untamed desires
that spread like fire
but only leading to
a life living to die

Before my eyes, heavy with exhaustion, shut
I want to tell you that I'm sorry and that
I wish this was a suicide note so I could say goodbye
But there's nothing else in the world I'd rather hate
is to leave in that sort of way now a day so I'll just sigh
'cause there's less time now and I want to say
I'm trying so hard and
I was never taught that before and now I have to
and everyone's all pushing me so I make do
with something I thought I could do
but now tomorrow,
I don't think I'm going to school
because my teacher only likes good work
and I don't think I'm in that right state of mind
to create something that authentic and one of a kind
but will I ever and that's the question
but then I know I'm just trippin' on too much
medication that's been drowning my thoughts
and racing my heart I swear if I saw him again
I would never put him back to life through pen
but here I am but its not about him
its not about what dosage the psychiatrist prescribed me
when I was hiding under something he couldn't see
I guess everything here is pretty self explanatory.
-tdf

His lips spoke a thousand lies, but his hands held, what once dwelled inside.
Hands that reached so far into the oblivion, valleys of scars stretch along the inner flesh of his arms.
Hands like his fathers because he didn't know them, especially when they were tightening around another's neck.
Hands that bruised then bandaged, then bruised again when they were pulled off like a new band-aid.
Hands like a broken home that could only be whole again clasped in the hands of another, or on the body of a lover.
Hands that left fingerprints on my thighs, my heart, my mind.
So I will never forget where he once dwelled inside.

and in low times on sad nights
black tendrils sliver from the darkness
and lick seducingly close at torn skin

promising sweet release from razor pain
whilst imbedding their poison in vessels
to be encompassed by welcoming lips
-tdf

blank your icy eyes and confuse my melting heart
entice me with words that could tear me apart
just put your lips on mine and make me breathe you in
so I can taste the fear that you hide deep within
paint your hopes with hands and a purple palette
on a canvas like mine that's used to being target
to all forms of hurting and substance misuse
don't show me your love just your love of abuse

Walk on pride and it'll grab onto your feet.
'CHOOSE!' It screams, like a grieving child.
'CHOOSE!' But a cowards eyes cannot see,
and a coward will only hear, the buzzing of bees.
'ATTACK!' They hymn, 'ATTACK!' As a pace turns to a flee,
as fast as the bleeding heart that still beats,
fighting for life as it shakes and it writhes.

Dragged down to a crouch, pride clawing at knees.
"You better pray now you're bowed and hear me.
Fall deeper as proud or choose to slow down,
the fast approach deceives, its the becoming of me.
Choose the child you've abandoned beneath,
choose to live through all pain and all grief.
Be human, not god. You were not born to be He,
but to discover that pride keeps you captive,
and humility can set you free."

I waited a long time for him
for his welcoming warmth and burning passion
I loved the feeling of his caressing touch
that gently nudged up against exposed skin
lingering thoughts of a curious love

that's what it was like in the beginning
gentle
warming
conscious of the nature of fragility
but his energy started burning and I was left with
a red expanse of tainted flesh and
the rising temperatures of boiling hatred
that put me away, locked up, waiting for the
numbing relief of winters touch.

Days gone by replicate each other,
Awaiting their end in eternal slumber.

Don't sugarcoat anything
Unless you want pests

a strong woman would keep on pretending
breakdowns of love leaves a heart rendering
wishing too soon for her days to be ending

I no longer cry
but when I'm alone I no longer laugh
they no longer laugh
so every night I give up
on each cloud I rise
pick my thoughts up off the ground
gone like my eyes when I start coming down
"I almost remembered-"
thankfully they all forgot
"We'll never become something we're not."
we laugh, and laugh and before we start crying
we'll hope it won't last
maybe this time we're dying

cease and the words disappear.
please. I don't want them anymore

As much as it brings me solace
I've never been so alone

There.
In an instant you're there,
making room for your things
in the left cavity at the bottom of my heart.
Creating the ambience of home
in the pit of my stomach
and refilling the ducts conveniently
placed in the corners of my eyes.
-tdf

Eyes grey like the shades of lead,
fingers numb with the winter chill.
Love like poems you still haven't read,
tears streaming with a pain I cannot ****.
-tdf

Take a shot for me
You played through the phone
Cause you ******* out
When you said you hate sleeping alone

You said I could do better
That we just didn't connect
When you know that was the furthest thing
You just couldn't own it

Look what you've done
Got me living your language
Falling for your type
Your crew making all the changes

Through double panes
The world will rush by
And create double pain
For the lone heart inside

once again saved by strangers delight
except this time there's more to understand
he leaves like a grain of sand
travels down her hourglass
for the length of the night
never promising this will last
but to briefly hold out his hand
and for the second time
everything will be alright

no one knows me
it makes me lonely

but I'm smarter alone
too long its been my only home

you cannot start over
when you do not exist
whisper sweet nothings
like we'll never exist

Too many thoughts
Encaged in this ill mind
Pounding on the door
Looking through eyes blind

I'm sorting all this **** out
For those most caring of them all
So I can love them on deeper levels
Without having to down a whole bottle
Without having to undress
Just so I can impress
Their watchful eyes
I want to imprint on their beautiful minds

I'd abandon all my friendships
in my last dying breath
say sorry to my family
about the trouble I had left

Cry because I wont see
the first person that I loved
with every inch of my body
that would soon be stained with blood

Take my mothers hand
and ask her to forgive me
I was your greatest gift
but that gift is quickly fading

I'll hide you the truths
In this tormented mind
cause your eyes won't see
when you're already blind

who needs a caressing touch
when there's rough hands to guide you
don't slide your body down
scratch your movements in
collapse your chest on top of me
make me work to take this win
you can use your arms to balance
but I'll take your legs out from under you
so you'll bind my arms behind me
and show me something brand new
I'll keep you in control 'till you're falling
a heated mess with nothing left
and since I never have the last say
I'll make you say my name
'till I'm sure I'll always be your best

In our happiness
Brought pain
In your happiness
I couldn't see
Because in my happiness
All I saw
Was what remained of you and me

last months magazines
a stack of uncertain time
that is collapsing
-tdf

numb, number and dumb
he put his finger on the trigger
and pulled it back to his thumb
swearing to god
'love is a flaw'
she is natures *****
messing with the value of power
and the need to want more
her hands reach with greed
sowing thoughts with fantasies
then tearing away
before you can plant your own seed
overcrowded, with 'flowers
growing in the darkest parts of the mind'
where hope is soiled with misery
and damp from goodbyes
if he could, he would cut her,
**** her, then crush her like mary
get high off her sorrows
and become legendary
a man who could live free
of the devils caress
but instead, finds his life
in the shell of lead death

I'll kiss you tenderly but teasingly
Whispering words so sweet
Between you, between the sheets
You'll be breathing like a ***** on heat
I want to see your body beat
Purple, red and peaks of pink
As I'm drowning, ill make you sink
Into the bed, hand on your neck
eyes closed, legs open
Both moaning till the bed is broken

I'll leave you numb
With words unspoken

forever stuck in our home town mind
so we'll forever be home town bind
digging beneath the thought of being alone
till we become the roots that made this home

'at least I'm awake'
as eyes haze over
'at least I'm aware'
but it all tastes like water
'at least I'm alive'
god, at least I'm alive