last months magazines
a stack of uncertain time
that is collapsing
-tdf

I waited a long time for him
for his welcoming warmth and burning passion
I loved the feeling of his caressing touch
that gently nudged up against exposed skin
lingering thoughts of a curious love

that's what it was like in the beginning
gentle
warming
conscious of the nature of fragility
but his energy started burning and I was left with
a red expanse of tainted flesh and
the rising temperatures of boiling hatred
that put me away, locked up, waiting for the
numbing relief of winters touch.

Before my eyes, heavy with exhaustion, shut
I want to tell you that I'm sorry and that
I wish this was a suicide note so I could say goodbye
But there's nothing else in the world I'd rather hate
is to leave in that sort of way now a day so I'll just sigh
'cause there's less time now and I want to say
I'm trying so hard and
I was never taught that before and now I have to
and everyone's all pushing me so I make do
with something I thought I could do
but now tomorrow,
I don't think I'm going to school
because my teacher only likes good work
and I don't think I'm in that right state of mind
to create something that authentic and one of a kind
but will I ever and that's the question
but then I know I'm just trippin' on too much
medication that's been drowning my thoughts
and racing my heart I swear if I saw him again
I would never put him back to life through pen
but here I am but its not about him
its not about what dosage the psychiatrist prescribed me
when I was hiding under something he couldn't see
I guess everything here is pretty self explanatory.
-tdf

There.
In an instant you're there,
making room for your things
in the left cavity at the bottom of my heart.
Creating the ambience of home
in the pit of my stomach
and refilling the ducts conveniently
placed in the corners of my eyes.
-tdf

Eyes grey like the shades of lead,
fingers numb with the winter chill.
Love like poems you still haven't read,
tears streaming with a pain I cannot ****.
-tdf