have you ever just stared
stared at someone you once took for granted.
someone who meant so much to you
but you couldn't see it yet.
and then everything happened
and the past became inevitable.
a dream only
because nothing could ever change.

-l.c.g.

We are hanging on firmly,
To each other,
Strong and trembling,
Fighting for ourselves
And for what we feel,
And no one around can tell what we are feeling,
The doubts can close in around us
But within our own cocoon,
Knowing what we know,
Feeling what we feel,
We are safe inside.

I live for the moments when you are close,
When I can match my breathing with yours,
When my hand is your hand,
When my eyes are your eyes,
When not a thing passes through my lips,
Inward or outward, which I do not share with you.

And when you are gone,
Every time you have to go,
My heart breaks all over again
And I take the larger piece and give it to you to take,
To keep until again my hand is your hand,
My eyes are your eyes,
And my lips are your lips.

He always asks me why.
"Why are you so sorry?"
Well, let me count the reasons on my fingers
even though I'd need more hands than just my own.
- I'm sorry that I care too much and not enough at the same time
- I'm sorry I say the wrong thing at the wrong time
- I'm sorry the moon hides when the sun comes, and the sun for the moon
- I'm sorry I keep talking about him, he's all I can think about
- I'm sorry I keep losing atoms
- I'm sorry I have worry thoughts that cloud my brain like smoke
- I'm sorry I like the smallest stars better than the bigger ones
- I'm sorry I can't write poetry
- I'm sorry I like stupid boy bands
- I'm sorry California is so far away
- and that I can't drive
- I'm sorry I like 90s TV shows and movies more than the ones they play now
- I'm sorry I don't have more hands (then maybe I could keep my head held high)
- I'm sorry I bolted at the mall when I saw them
- I'm sorry I never said goodbye to Popou, even though Jimmy kept telling me to, even though they said he wasn't going to die that night
- I'm sorry the chemicals in my brain don't work right (but I'm trying really hard to fix it)
- I'm sorry my anxiety rules my life, because that is not who I am
- and I'm sorry for saying sorry so much
- for being a hypocrite
- and spending too much of my time on Netflix
- I'm sorry chameleons never get a chance to be themselves
- I'm sorry it took me so long to get over him
- I'm sorry that I don't believe you
- I'm sorry that they don't have Wawa's on the west coast
- and I'm sorry Dobby died
  I'm sorry to you, too, for all of these reasons.

It's all a copy
of a copy
of a copy
of love.