My Sweet Spaceman
where are you now?
Trying to see between
those little glows
that speckle the sky;
similar to those
no longer in your eyes?
I just want to see
the world in which you're lost,
so take me please,
I'll pay the cost;
I'm sure it's less
than the price I pay
for the half-assed smile
you gave today;
I miss you babe,
it's been too long,
so let me save you
from this wrong,
because believe me when I say
I'm alone in this crowded room
while you run around the moon.

*And you said you never wanted to be an astronaut

I'm hopeless
-ly
hopeful
that this
will
last
longer
than
my
last
forever

because
infinity
has never seemed
so enjoyable
and
I
have
never known
the unknown
to be
a
desirable
destination

I'm hopeless
-ly
hopeful
that someone
will
hold
my
hand
because
I
can't see
with all these
stars
in
my
eyes

And blind has never been better

Sometimes I wish
that holding hands was enough
for both of us;
I wish I didn't need more talking
and rarely
I wish you didn't want more "walking";
I like walking
I just wish that we talked more

Sometimes I wish
you hadn't made
all those friends;
I liked when I was your world,
actually, I was so much your world
that I didn't like it;
funny

Sometimes I wish
that it didn't seem like
you need my friend to come too,
because I guess me being part of 'us' isn't enough
sorry
Maybe if you weren't always with him
we wouldn't need another girl for "balance"
He doesn't want to third wheel?
Neither do I

Sometimes I wish
that I was stronger;
So that silly things
like my wishes
didn't make me feel this way

..But only sometimes...

Push my back against a wall
and yell until you're hoarse;
Slap me around,
knock me to the ground
and kick me 'til you're spent
Pound through my thick skull
and tell me how I'm blessed

Now shoot me
with an empty gun;
Scare me into remembering
what I've got to live for;

*everything

Flustered in gumboots,
No way to compute
The full weight of the drops
That saturate her scalp
And seem to soak right through
To her clouded brain,
Where thunder roars
And lightning scours
Until she smells burning flesh;
While she spins, confused
The sky seems quite amused
For there is nothing
But sunshine and blue.

Here comes the tide
eating at my edges
washing away my resolve;
each wave taking more than the last
and I sit here
anticipating that one wave that will take me away;
pull me under,
swirl me around
and eventually let me sink
to the bottom
of that ******* ocean,
that I have tried so hard to stay away from,
I built my walls tall and thick
high up on the shore,
because I have discovered
that I no longer know
how to tread water.

A perfect afternoon
spent on the beach
and within each other's reach

A perfect afternoon
climbing trees
and touching knees

A perfect afternoon
making wishes
and stealing kisses

A perfect afternoon
that ended all too soon

Tap tap tap
went your chewed up pen against your wall
while I mindlessly twisted the corners of your blanket
into a lovely knot
Tick tick tick
went your clock in the comfortable silence
and we turned to see the how many more minutes we'd have
when our gazes drifted to each other
Thump thump thump
went my heart
as you leaned in
closer
Grabbing my palm you uncapped your pen
and proceeded to draw two curved lines
that shaky as they were
somehow made a heart
"Yours" you said
And the silence was never the same

Too fast
It's going too fast
and it's not the same as it used to be
when you were young
speed was fun
and fast could always be faster
but the days are slipping
from the life you're gripping
and soon
you'll hit a corner
slow down for the turn
so your guts won't churn
lose your race mentality
and learn to love reality
and please
just drive safe

Oh dear
oh darling me
how did I come to be
so completely
stuck
under this ridiculous umbrella
of ideas, plans and everything
the world throws
like bricks
and stones and sticks
that crack my bones
dissolve my morals
and break my heart
   my
        little
               beating
heart
I can only scream so loud
and can only listen so close
but one of us is going to have to
try
      harder
because I'm losing
all thoughts that strike a heart string
to my tears
my fears
and my storm is still too steady
for me
to
    put
          away
                   the
umbrella

her hair was the dark sky
splashing over the edges of her pillow;
waves of black velvet ink,
spilled by reckless writers
while writing their love story
all over the cotton sheets of paper

her laugh was the moon;
shining a path through the hours of their shared whispers
and comforting him, the weary night traveler
who no longer felt lost

her eyes were the stars;
so bright and breathtaking,
behind them hid so much mystery,
he wondered how she could see

he soaked in every moment
and wished for an endless night

I'd said I'd never seen it
you dropped your chin
"We're watching it"
We did
until our close proximity
was more than you could handle
and your breath found my hair
and your lips met my neck
and now I still can say,
I don't know how it ends.

Oh it's just the little things
the way she hummed
and the way he sings
the warm tea
that tickles my nose
the wet dog tongue
that tickles my toes
that look you throw across the hall
that gut wrenching feeling
when you fall
the warm breeze
that envelops the night
the millions of stars
that twinkle bright
the moment at the top of a slide
the feeling that follows
a really good cry
the kind of laughter
that makes you hurt
the comfort you get
from that old ugly shirt
the moments you forget to count
that all add up
to
being
   happy

So you see
time has played a trick on me
and I am made the fool
That dances just as strings would command
oblivious to the big grand plan
that constructs my destiny
It's gone so fast
moments dashed past
and I'm alone in dust
That stains my clothes
smells of woes
and leaves me rather lost
In the big blue world
strange secrets unfurled
and I am none the wiser
Of all the things yet to come
and all fun
I've yet to enjoy
But the hardest bit is
I don't know what I think of this
And the thing that gets me
the thing I can not see
is right there, in front of me

silly girl,
*open your eyes

This feeling flows
like an unobstructed stream
starting deep in my heart
and bubbling out
to my extremities
happiness
in it's purest form
saturates our words and laughter
and soon the room is soaking wet
as we dance and sing
taking hold of our youth
and our freedom
we are
loud
rowdy
drunk on
our love
and wine
we are
infinite
and in these moments
I am
complete
content
*alive

Music thumps
bass booming through your feet
into your heart
and out to your fingers
that grip your flimsy red cup
filled to the brim with froth
like the room
filled with people
and lots of air
that's filled with sweat and voices
that smell like the alcohol
that no longer sits in the bottles and cans
you see covering every surface
you walk from group to group
taking and adding to each conversation
that passes through your clouding mind
that is still watching
that girl flip her hair
as she talks to the boy
that has his hand
on the *** of another girl
who's laughing with the people
she would never talk to
if she wasn't holding
that cup
that matches yours
and his
and hers
and theirs
that slosh over a little when they
dance all close and grimy
because our culture promotes
flippancy
which feels a lot like
fun
and you're not quite sure
how you've noticed that
everyone is leveled
because they're so
high on life and love
and drinks and drugs
and it doesn't quite make sense
but you come to the conclusion
in your mildly impaired state
that all that stuff in movies
isn't all that fake
No, it's just High School

I think you should know
I stood out there, in the snow
and watched you walk away

it wasn't sad,
only too bad
because I wasn't finished

wasn't finished kissing you
and goofing off, like we do
there aren't enough hours

the way you make me feel
is so **** good, it can't be real
but believe me, I was there

I was there
when you touched my hair
and whispered away my worries

I was there
when you proved you care
in all those little ways

I was there
and it's not fair
that you won't be,
in a few months time

Don't leave.

Alone upon the precipice
you expand your feathered wings
You're right and ready
strong and steady
So jump, let's hear you sing
But you stop short
and tumble back
bruising your behind
It is those ropes
your dashed dreams and hopes
the confines of your mind
So, flightless bird
you may have heard
that the only way to see
Is to open your eyes
look to the sky
and let yourself free

Inspiration blossomed
Between the layers of experiences
Cataloged in the folds of her mind
It extended down
Rooting itself behind her deep eyes
And brightening them until they outshone
Any star that graced the evening sky
Pigment leeched into her cheeks
And pulled them back revealing a brilliant smile
As the tendrils of thought unfurled into her body
Her shoulders slumped
Her arms relaxed
And she wrapped her infected fingers around the paintbrush
Which began to dance
And the only sound heard
Was the bristled feet scuffing the white canvas floor
Leaving tracks of royal blue, rich purple and green
After hours of their tireless dance
She released the brush and stepped back
Her imagination had splattered her clothing and hands
And slowly she allowed her eyes to roam
The workings of her mind

If it's the thought that counts
Then how can actions speak louder than words?

And what are you saying by leaving?

You walked out that door
But I'm really not sure
Why you didn't close it

Is that because,
I think it was,
You don't actually mean it?

Are you asking me to follow?
Or to stand up, swallow
my pride and shut the ******* door?

I must confirm my existence
I grasp and hug and pinch and feel
Anything I can get my hands on
Just to prove it's real

Everything is vibrant with
Breath
In and out
Right and left
The colours expand
Contract
Disappear
Come back

It's all too surreal
Must be my imagination
A little of this and that
A total compilation
Of everything
That was and is
All that's bad
And all my bliss

Life's too short
To not just be
There's so much to do
And so much to see
And everything
Is so **** right
I'm terrified
That at the end of the night

*I'll wake up

There are some days
when you can see the Moon
in broad daylight
It's a ghost of it's usual self,
peeking out from some invisible pocket of baby blue velvet
I don't know why it does this
and I'm sure there is a scientific answer to explain
but I don't want to know that
I would rather go about thinking
that maybe the moon gets lonely and comes out to visit with the Sun
Their shifts are always clashing
and it's pretty hard to keep a relationship when you're working nights and they work days
The Sun and the Moon work to balance the Earth
Pretty demanding work
I bet they miss each other
I find that you can only see the Moon
on really beautiful days
Maybe it's because that rare visit
is making the Sun very happy
Or maybe it's chance

Do three hundred and sixty five days have to pass
Before I can start anew?
Things are changing
And my time is waning
No longer can I wait
To erase mistakes and wipe out hate
That has marred my inner self
So help me to grab right now
And hold it as my own
I've seen my ways
In older days
And am horrified at best
So as a favor
Be my savior?
It'd be best if you said yes
All I ask is this
Be my New Years kiss
In June

It's the times when nothing goes
right
And so we cry
together
We let it happen and wash it away with
laughter

It's the times when the stars come
out
So we must follow
suit
And traipse about on our fruitless
missions

It's the times when we're all a little
silly
or a lot
And we're all content to just
be

It's times like these when I discover feeling
infinite

Some say
That running is
For scared people

But I don't think they know
What it feels like when you go
As fast as you can

The wind whips your cheeks
And you forget about your week
Where nothing went right

You're breathing hard
Your heart was scarred
But now you can't feel it

So you go faster
In the hopes to master
The power behind your legs

It's become a task
How long will you last
Before you have to stop?

The pain comes back
Your face goes slack
And your breathing regulates

You feel the hurt
It's the sweat on your shirt
And so you go to change

You weren't scared
You only cared
To go and stretch your legs

They don't have to know they're right

Do you suppose
From where you sit
That you can see the stars?
Way up there
Up in the black
Above the smog from cars

Do you suppose
From where you sit
That you can see the truth?
Way out there
Out passed what's known
And muddled by your youth

Do you suppose
From where you sit
That you can really see?
See the world?
See yourself?
Or even see me?

I'm choking
                                          On nothing really
                                                 Just emotions and air
But it's awfully uncomfortable
                                                   The thought
                                                     Of trying
                                     To stomach it all
                                               Digest it
                          And make it work
                                       For me
Is enough to make me gag
Again
             It doesn't taste very good
                  And I'm sick
                          Of having it forced
                                Down my throat
                                  But if I don't eat it
It won't go away
                            I can't throw it out
But I might throw it up
                              I don't know
     How much longer
                     It will sit
It's an invisible struggle
     I'm the only one who feels it
I think
             Chances are
                                   I'm "overreacting"
Could we change the recipe?