I've lost a piece of myself today
I've left pieces of me here and there
and maybe everywhere.
Can I rebuild myself?

A jagged piece is all that's left of me
It has sharp edges and cuts deeply
Don't mean for it to happen
Just trying to guard this last piece of me.

If I collect all the pieces I've lost of mine
Can I rebuild this broken heart in time?
Or I could leave every ripped off piece of me
and just guard the last, sharp, jagged piece and fly free?

I need someone to tell me that I'll be okay.
I feel like I'm drowning and spiralling and I'm losing everything.
I need someone to tell me I'm strong enough, because I'm breaking and I dont know what to do.
I need someone to tell me that it's okay to be me, and want different things in my life.

I just need someone

Want to walk around with a "free hug" sign
so that someone would hug me back.

Do you think half as often
about me, as what I
think of you,
Blue?

I'm taking up less of a place  
in your arms,
my favourite space,
as you slowly pull away.

Feeling as though our paths will split soon,
hoping for one last kiss under our moon,
until that wanes away too
and I become just another
Afterthought to you.

I'm here for you, you say,
yet when I needed you,
you walked away.

A good thing I would discover,
I've learnt, I'm still strong
on my own, alone,
and will make it through this day
without you, my lover.

Sitting alone in silence
It's peacufull, quiet, serene

Feeling it, free
My thoughts running away from me
My daydream time
Love these silent moments of mine.

No laughter, no squeels, no screams
No shouts of what has become my name,
"Mommy, Mommy!" comes a knock on my door
Guess my bathtime is over
Now there is silence no more..

Swing so high
Look up blue sky
Spread your arms
You have wings
a magical place these swings

Smell freshly mowed grass
With eyes closed and smiling
Feel the wind in your hair
Troubles forgotten as you climbing
Higher, higher, fly!

My mind travels
So fast my world unravels
Into threads that can be
placed on a weavers beam.

Imagining my future
realising I am now mature
but my soul yearns for the child
Who used to walk out in the wild.

This concrete jungle I find myself in
Has kild the wild child
Who used to live within.

Walk with me
as the sun sets over the park
the rays stroking the willow bark
sunset glinting in the water
while the crickets start
to make themselves heard
as the sky goes darker.

Walk with me
as the moon peaks out from a cloud,
illuminating the soft grass
hearing the toads
the soft hoot of an owl
listen to the music of it around us.

Walk with me
in all these moments
Please just say
You'll stay
and never walk away

Pink and red, the bruises start to form
a colorful rainbow in this thunder storm
Blue and dark purple, the older ones hurt more
as my Mommy covers them with make-up
so the police don't show up at her door.

Pale green, some of them starts to fade
I can still feel the belt buckle in my skin engraved
it has faded by now, to a yellow and brown
as Mommy looks on through an alcohol haze
to the bruises she placed all over my face

I scream out in terror
wondering what was my error
and when she is sober
make-up again gets painted on me all over.

I hate your style
I now hate brown
I hate your smile
I hate how you make me feel down.

I hate your mannerisms
I now hate wine
I hate your euphemisms
I hate how you make me feel lost in time.

I hate your tattoos
I now hate the park
I hate your cool shoes
I hate how you make me feel so dark.

I hate that I cant hate you truly.
I hate that I'll love you forever
I hate that you love me so cruelly.
I hate that I still love you however.

The fear, its numbing
my hands are clammy,
can hear my blood, rushing,
with my heart accelerating
keeping in beat with
my
breathing.

I'm scared
my thoughts an endless maze,
have too much on
my
mind.

Am I making the right choice?

Can't listen to my inner voice,
my heart kinda made that clear,
it misses you, even when you are
right
here.

The fear, its numbing
but oh the heart stopping joy you bring me
is truly a thing of
ABSOLUTE
BEAUTY.

If I give this to you,
tell me what would you do?
Would you treat it like a treasure,
love it beyond any scope or any measure?
Would you cradle it gently,
keep guard like a knightly sentry?
Can you nurture it slowly,
patch up each peace that's holy?
Could you keep my heart beating,
or are you also fleeting?

Cried my heart out from your brashness.
Wiped my teardrops from my glasses.
Stitched my bruised heart back together,
harsh words hurt now until forever.

Marked now in big red letters as fragile content,
wrapped in cotton, placed in storage,
will one day brush away the cobwebs
right now though,
heart of mine,
stay fragile content,
protected by a thorny vine.

These pills aren't working no more
I feel my sadness breaking down my door
want to rip out my hair
or scream, cry and rant in despair.

Leave me alone world
I don't want to be part of you anymore
I need to drown out this feeling
the high from alcohol and **** has become too fleeting.

I don't want to feel so much anymore
I bang my head on the bedroom door
I need to up my dosage on my pills
the thought of loosing my grip further in life gives me chills.

Too scared to end it myself right now, a pity
need to up my dosage
as that fear is starting to seem quite silly
maybe eternal darkness won't be such a bad voyage.

Can you feel my pulse beat
Can you feel my heart drum in my chest
*** da dum

Can you hear my blood flow
Through my vains as you listen to my
Heart
Beat
Fast
Bada *** da dum

Can you feel my soul reach for yours
Can feel this flame inside
Tell me something...
Do I make your heart beat fast?

Not feeling, yet feeling too much
with the screams of happiness
breaking down my door
shove them out, they don't belong
I prefer the nothingness of a silent song

Don't want to be here
Don't want to raise
a happy brood of chicks
that just **** out all of my grace.

Gulping water, treading air
my body floats, my mind in despair
responsibilities crushing my soul
just walk away away away RUN!

Dying one day and cant remember
why i was scared of it.
Not feeling anyway so why
carry on with aplomb?

Run Run Run as fast as I can
smack into a wall of my own making
trapped in my own incompetence of life
Screaming that i want out out OUT

Don't do it it's selfish
you just hurt those around you.
Cant you see i don't care
don't wanna go out with fanfare

Just stop stop STOP
I cant take anymore
passed out half gone on the bathroom floor
smiles are getting harder to fake
as my essence pours out in my dying wake

Run stop Run stop RUN
I can't feel enough to have fun
when does it End?
Maybe take another road
just around the next bend.

I've lost a piece of myself today
I've left pieces of me here and there
and maybe everywhere.
Can I rebuild myself?

A jagged piece is all that's left of me
It has sharp edges and cuts deeply
Don't mean for it to happen
Just trying to guard this last piece of me.

If I collect all the pieces I've lost of mine
Can I rebuild this broken heart in time?
Or I could leave every ripped off piece of me
and just guard the last, sharp, jagged piece and fly free?