how many times a day can a heart break
stretching bending sinking
at small things
like

shadows falling sideways across
paths you often walk
a funny joke
a shoe

yearning and yawning as the wide world
a great big changing world
one which breathes
and dies

and one which sighs and wakes
a heart that's always open
never has a chance
to heal

but the breaking of a heart does not mean pain
hearts break when they fall in love
hearts break in the spring
a heart

can hold a moment close
but must let it go again
and again to feel
the world

a contradiction contracted in
lowest terms are
you.
[it’s metal edges]

your beauty is
of
a
garden
(suspended at mid-
clouds), to enter
and

to say

that in such a
variety of
flowers
there
can not
be
one that
attracts
you

to pick it

to dismantle it
and
to
neglect
the
rest.

[it’s plasticized segments]

you know how to
quickly imprint
yourself
on me

when

you laugh
at times
and
conversely
you weep
and

you are like

those skies
that shake me
to my core

when

they are
blinding
on one hand
and
violently bleak
on the other

so

clearly
fractured
they shake
me pierce
me
pierced
i am
by

you.

[it’s just thinned points]

imagine if
a chameleon
started
to
acquire
each
gradation
of
another
creature
in the form
already
similar
to
it:

where
could
he
ever
escape?

[it’s inconstant semicircles]

(i can not
delineate
you
it is like
sketching
a tidal
wave
nobody
can:

painters

invent them)


[and it’s shoved arches]


i’ll tell you
of
a
woman
her soul
shattered
and

subsequently

imprisoned
splinter by
splinter
in hail
stones

she

fell
and
she felt
herself
crashing
at the same
instant
millions
of times

however

she
never
went
insane.

[it’s torn curves]


(and I know well
how a continuity
interrupted
succeeds
to make
you
fumble
convulsively
but it’s not
enough
for me to
restrain
myself
don’t
ask
me
to)

[it’s petrified vertical axes]

what i see
is
a cross
section of
enclosure
handfuls with
disconcerting
efficiency
consisting
of prisms
and

you know how to decompose

yourself inside
an innocence
delimited
you proceed
by inconstancies
you lacerate
metabolizing
you struggle
silencing
and

i could
only
teach you
one thing:

gray is not
a faded
version
of
black.

I turned it off

When I found out
Physical form meant more than
spiritual substance

When I found out that
Age matters when you have too much
Looks when you don’t have a certain one

When they meant something different
something estranged from my previous understanding

I know my body is not me
only a part

they wanted that part
without wanting only me

I turned it off

They all wanted something much less
far cheaper
than I am willing
was willing
to give

You do not understand the meaning when I say
you are beautiful

Namaste
Ashe
Amen

I turned it off

You are not able to fathom a comprehension when I say
I love you

Namaste
Ashe
Amen

I turned it off

Life has instructed
give it to self always
to the ones called family
the select few that are called friend

Show it to the world
but don’t let the world abuse it

But in that concentrated way
where two become one

I turned it off

Its disrespectful to the concept
for me to treat you according to the concept
when I  see
when I know
before it all started
before your scent first touched the air
you have no awareness of the concept

There are about six degrees of separation from
what you think it is
what you thought it was
what you have been shown it to be
what you attempt to offer me
and that which it actually is

that which I was willing to offer you

I don’t believe there is a single one
there is the one you make it work with

That one
must also be willing and able to make it work with
you

For now
for me
you don’t exist

I realize now
you never did
square pegs forced into round holes
mistakes all listed above

I turned it off

Only a truly naked self
has any right
any ability
any authority

to turn it on.

© Christopher F. Brown 2013

She said, 'wait for me',
'I see',said I,
but it's not that easy for this premature kind of guy
I wonder why she stays or what she thinks I'll be.
perhaps she likes that wait and see
and wait for me kind of man that I am.

i never thought i'd be this person
addict; stealing, stealing, stealing
say it out loud, mom
your daughter is an addict
i'm not saying its your fault you couldn't have known
but you neglected your pills; you left them alone
and i couldn't resist the temptation
seen it on tv. heard it in songs. oxy
oxy.
three letters consumed me.
one taste; i was in love
god, the high
the high it was like
heaven heaven heaven

but soon, two wasn't enough
and thus came the first increased dose
three four five now six
snort them, baby. the burn!
obsessed with the burn
and my glazed eyes, god you could see the ocean

but the comedown was hell
even more so because i was used to heaven
it was hard for me to comedown
keep poppin' em so you're always up
always in the clouds
you wont understand that metaphor
unless you've been there;
unless you've seen yourself floating
breathing slowed
surrounded by white; high

I lost the moon while counting the stars in your eyes.

the cold seeps in, the surface clears,
the air is still with frozen fear,
of unknown depths, dark eyes, numb lips
   "we'll live or we'll die with this ship"
an empty deck, a Dream long gone,
we swim toward an ancient dawn,
where we Belong; our souls were born
to live, to breathe, to die, to mourn,
to sing of losses of the past,
and wish Life had not lived so fast
but to know well, within our hearts
that Love was worth it from the start.
   "i'll soon wake up inside your hands -"
my lungs constrict, my heart expands
   “we’ll wake up soon,” two thousand men
beneath the waves, to swim again.

You want to tell your mother that she is digg
ing your grave you need to show your little s
ister that she is helping raised streaks and stre
tch marks this baby has battle scars they may
make you feel like you're feelings are invalid b
ut your body is living proof there will always b
e boys who reject you and old men with a thin
g for green eyes who'll want to help you solve
your daddy problems show your teeth confirm
all the rumors that you're bat **** crazy you do
n't owe anyone a smile when people call you bitte
r spit in their faces you will always belong to you