#losthope
Life is a placebo.
Endless obstacles,
difficulties to overcome.
Eyes set on goals
we'd thought we'd achieve
even if it drained us
of all but an inkling
of hope.
Lies on parchment
the truth of life,
and I am but a quotation,
repeating words of false hope
so others can believe
we don't all die
wishing to amend
even one
mistake.
Jul 23, 2025
Jul 23, 2025 at 8:59 PM UTC
I held you dear
Treasured you
Treated you well
Never a frown to be seen
So then why did she ask wheres your smile?
Where was it?
Ive checked everywhere
Inside,Outside, no where to be seen,
This sensation befell on me,
As if my lungs gave up
A calm feeling
As if the ocean has finally swallowed me whole
Is this it?
Is this the end?
Dear God i hope so.
Oct 17, 2024
Oct 17, 2024 at 12:13 PM UTC
The gurgle of the coffee maker,
The clink of your spoon on the frigid counter,
The sizzle of bacon residue in a frying pan,
and an egg cracking over it.
The murmurs of the news reporters on the tv,
The distant roar of a train in the background,
The dive into sensory pleasure,
while reality dissipates.
The smell of hazelnut creamer and cinnamon,
The taste of a waffle with buttery syrup,
The warm sun on your face through the window,
today is good; today will be different.
The giggles of the waffles and coffee,
The light conversation and hard laughter,
The feeling of home... within them,
a sudden shift in atmosphere.
The sharp loss of appetite
The grieving of what wasn’t lost
The shared remorse for nothing you’ve done
they tell you that you’re pathetic.
The despair in your mug dropping into the table
The swallowed tears and screams
The chaos that covers every square inch of you
distance between you and hope still stands.
The ***** kitchen and your empty stomach
The distressing moonlight that creeps in the window
The anger in thinking you’re liberated this time
sounds of an empty home stir.
The cold seats that have accompanied nobody
The wallowing roar of silence
The jacket of despair that wears you
your average day.
Feb 3, 2021
Feb 3, 2021 at 4:37 PM UTC
Her eyes are welling up with angry tears
She drowns in them with all her lonely fears
Save her please before the red milk spills
1, 2, 3, time to pop a pink pill
She's on her own 'cause no one seems to understand
She's all alone with the bottle in her hand
Relieve her, darling, I know you will
1, 2, 3, downs another pink pill
Her weak heart strains within her chest
It's all worn out from being ripped to shreds
And she tries laughing so loudly through the pain
But every day ends up being the same
She walks through life, a plastic smile on her face
She doesn't wanna be here in the first place
And as time flows by, so does her eyes
Telling the world that she's fine, but it's all lies
Of course no one'll realize she's reliving her past
Her mama never coming home as she wonders who's her dad
Guys ignore her, while girls are torture
Going through the motions, slowly overdosing
Her eyes are welling up with angry tears
She drowns in them with all her lonely fears
Save her please before the red milk spills
1, 2, 3, time to pop a pink pill
She's on her own 'cause no one seems to understand
She's all alone with the bottle in her hand
Relieve her, darling, I know you will
1, 2, 3, downs another pink pill
Little by little, one by one
She doesn't have to explain to anyone
Two, three, four, just a little bit more
She thinks, "What's the point? What am I even here for?"
With a lump in her throat as she lies in bed
She closes her eyes and rests her head
The tears begin to stream, all she wanna do is scream
Overwhelmed with emotions, she keeps on overdosing
Her eyes are welling up with angry tears
She drowns in them with all her lonely fears
Save her please before the red milk spills
1, 2, 3, time to pop a pink pill
She's on her own 'cause no one seems to understand
She's all alone with the bottle in her hand
Relieve her, darling, I know you will
1, 2, 3, downs another pink pill
Make the pain go away, make it disappear
I wish someone had stayed, wish someone were here
Uh oh, but now it's too late
I am letting myself fade
Fade away, fade away
Now I guess everything'll be okay
Her eyes were welled up with lonely tears
She drowned in them with all of her fears
Free this little angel, we hope you will
As she leaves behind her pretty pink pills
May 29, 2018
May 29, 2018 at 4:01 PM UTC
They dwell in the shadows—
The darkness is all-consuming, reckless, obliterating
Everything in its path, wreaking havoc on her world
They surround her like a cloud of smoke, making it impossible
to breathe,
They thirst for control, they hunger for power—
They hunger for her beating heart, its rhythmic beat resonating into
Their dark, empty, lifeless souls.
They feed on her very existence: mind, body, and soul.
She struggles to fend off the toxic hands that seem to
Wrap her in their suffocating embrace, crushing the depths of her soul—
******* her into the blazing, torturous inferno of hell
Their sinister voices penetrate into the depths of her mind—
Her thoughts, feelings, and actions intertwine with their
Evil and corrupt unholy caldrons.
These are her demons. They are part of her. They are her world.
They hold her in *******
She is a prisoner waiting to be freed from her captivity.
This silence is deafening; the world has suddenly gone numb.
She is paralyzed by fear.
And in an instant, darkness engulfs her broken spirit.
May 29, 2018
May 29, 2018 at 2:14 PM UTC
I’m just, tired.
That’s what you tell people,
I need some sleep that’s all,
Well I’ve been just tired for
about 6 months or so now,
And the feeling is just foul,
It’s just not easy,
Leaves me needy,
No matter how long I sleep,
I’m still just tired,
Still need some more sleep,
The world has opened to me,
The sick twisted horrors
this world is now revealing,
To be honest, Suicide has
never been more appealing,
I’m a depressed mess.
But still all they hear is,
I’m just tired,
I just need some more sleep,
Because I’m just tired,
I just need some more sleep,
Or someone to take that leap,
Have a conversation with me so deep,
Find out I use the dark nights to weep,
Cos all I want to do is sleep, forever.
Because I’m just tired, of everything.
May 18, 2018
May 18, 2018 at 6:31 PM UTC
Insulted for no just cause
Accused of being to religious
****** for helping the poor
Cursed for taking right action
Arrested for telling the masses
How the incongruous and imprudent
Politician stole and squandered the country’s fund
Beating for knowing and revealing the truth
Burnt his house, for teaching the citizens how to preserve
Murdered his wife and children, for refusing to compromise
Lived a frustrated life
And his reward for fighting against the **** sapiens
Death!
A man who lived only just to die!
May 4, 2018
May 4, 2018 at 7:33 AM UTC
Hands
Stretched
Trembling
Shaking into the absence
As a ring slips
Digging into the emptiness
And nothingness that is left
Dec 7, 2017
Dec 7, 2017 at 10:37 AM UTC
Dread brought out from my forest of feelings.
I order myself around, head down, don't show your blush, your face is flushed, they're gone now look up.
Yes.
I have a crush; But this isn't just a crush its a crime, against God, my mother, that girl who just said gross.
More orders.
Sit down, look away as she smiles in your face because you will only fall harder for her.
Oh, how I wish I could touch her hair and see if its really as soft as it looks.
her eyes are so inviting and they seem deeper than the ocean.
Flawless or flaw filled skin I Don't care!
All I see is a beautiful girl that will never be mine, on the sidelines is where I stand at the dance.
Waiting for a dance with her that will never happen.
Just another to the puzzle and I'm exactly the perfect fit for a best friend just not a girlfriend.
Those eyes.
So full of wonder and joy but mine only filled with pain because she doesn't feel the same as I do.
Sit down, don't look around, don't breathe in her flowery scent as if is your last breath.
The roses only bloom in the spring but she is a rose of another breed, blossoming into the most beautiful flower all year round.
Slim fingers for a warm embrace, oh if I could trace the lines in her face I would remove every frustration.
Her mind is as beautiful as she, knowledge filled, ready to build up walls to keep everything out.
I want to tear down them down, see her frown turn up. My orders.
No!
Don't touch her rosy cheeks, stop trying to peak at her smile, when she asks you what's wrong brush it off!
If we could just go back to first grade where I first fell for her I would never have said hello.
Kept my mouth shut and taught my heart to do the same.
Most say that I'm confused and that I can never truly understand love but I do.
I love her!
My Final orders.
Be a Good Friend.
Don't cry.
Don't let her see you pain
Aug 1, 2017
Aug 1, 2017 at 1:14 PM UTC
Age is a timeless prospect.
Youth refolds into a thick mold,
Heavy and demanding
But continuously folding matted knowledge.
Forgiveness
A steady, strong suit handed out to each player
When it's true form is the rarest form
Of acceptance.
A fighter must be as sharp and as slick as a blade,
To be as critical and focused
As a bullet leaving the carrier when aimed
But not as deadly.
There will always be a balance
Nature runs on a cycle that all fumble on
In the arise of dust left behind;
In its presence
Becoming lost is about as natural as the cycle itself -
An obstacle can be overcome
In the way that a challenge lights a fire
In pride,
All must accept;
Smoke clouds are blinding
Having the urgency to defend
The drive to push harder may as well be lost too.
In the midst of a cloud
A branch could very well be a snake.
Jun 24, 2017
Jun 24, 2017 at 11:53 AM UTC
i don't know what to do,
i have just ended my life,
hope was never here, at home,
i never thought this would've scarred me;
this hard,
ouch that hurt,
you hurt me forever and there is no remedy
to the tragedy you've created,
just leave me alone, let me die,
******* die, with no one to help,
i don't know anymore,
i want to name you, but i can't,
thank you for this plague, nothing worse;
than this.
May 28, 2017
May 28, 2017 at 3:38 PM UTC
Agony of memories shackled in soul
Loss of control
Cult raised isolation bred within youth
Eureka of truth
Abandoned by love own motherhood start
Burden of heart
Maternal disease and death's lengthy fight
Daytime to night
Caring in vain is like tightening rope
Grasping for hope
Sweet child now mortal illness attacked
Mind being racked
No support acquaintance or true friend
Alone till end
Questioning Deity in trial with doubt
Childish I pout
Weakness in battle spirit slowly died
Strength not inside
Broken wondering why His small pawn
Can't carry on
Mar 19, 2017
Mar 19, 2017 at 12:16 AM UTC
A battle always fought
To my heart's content I lost
My brain would rejoice in defeat
I would gather strength to retreat
Divided, I fight
In a pitiful plight
That no one even cares
Not a single cheer you will hear
Like a jester I joke
About my caustic yoke
I make light out of the matter
And every one replies with laughter
Proud of my achievement
I wail in disappointment
But still smiling I weep
For this to myself I keep
My last hope shattered
No where to be found
Like tattered cloth i'm worthless
Just some *** lying around
Clenching my face
I don't know what to do
I can't do anything
To stop this wound
Like migraine I kneel
Pray to stop the pain
A wall was my answer
Streaming blood my gain
Tired I lie
On the ground while I weep
But laughing comes life
With a deal that I must keep
To forever wander
In this forsaken world forever
To bear burden for no one
And cower in fear of others
Hopeless I accept
the terms and agreement
To lock myself forever
In this caustic life of terror
Nov 19, 2016
Nov 19, 2016 at 10:32 AM UTC
the dark circles under my eyes
are the windows to my soul
i drop to my knees and cry to the sky
Lord help me out of this hole
i try fighting my own demise
starting to lose all control
when God denies my desperate cries
i only fall further below
May 24, 2016
May 24, 2016 at 1:49 PM UTC
All of this torment
I did not consent
In all this suffering
There is no comforting
In all this despair
No one cares
In this grief
I get no relief
I am so spent
More than bent
In all this pain
I am not sane
In all this anguish
I just languish
It's pure desolation
If I failed to mention
With no more hope
I only cope
May 14, 2016
May 14, 2016 at 11:07 AM UTC
Just here on the verge of tears.
Wondering when it'll go away.
If it'll ever go away.
I don't need it.
I want it.
Will I survive?
Probably.
Do I want to?
That's a different story.
Apr 19, 2016
Apr 19, 2016 at 7:53 PM UTC
*Red and white
Head feeling lite
Sweetness of tear
Showing all fear
Scream so silent
Making it violent
Metal to skin
Will never win
Pill to lips
Scars on hips
Hands hold rope
Strangling last hope
Sleep long forgotten
Thoughts so rotten
Food like poison
Trap like prison
Life crumble away
Sanity won't stay
Ghostly last breath
Now welcomes death*
Jan 7, 2016
Jan 7, 2016 at 5:02 AM UTC
I wanted to go everywhere with you,
to dive into your past, the beautiful and the *****
To meet every version of self you have ever been.
I wanted to see your frosting stained smile
on your 8th birthday. To know you when
innocence and hope still reigned.
I wanted to hear your midnight laughter on an
ordinary Tuesday in California. To sit on the floor in
that apartment that you couldn't afford to furnish.
I wanted to walk hand in hand
through the years of your life.
And when my curiosity had been sated
with endless waves of knowledge of you,
I had hoped you would've liked to
walk through my stories.
To meet the now-gone women
who molded my soul and gifted me with
love and a sarcastic sense of humor.
I wanted you to greedily feast upon all my days gone by.
Armed with an overwhelming acceptance of one another,
I hoped we would embark on a path we forged together.
I dreamt that when I savored pasta in Venice,
I would look up to see you sitting across the table.
I imagined that your smile was the last delight
I would feel before I slowly drifted to sleep in Amsterdam.
I thought the next time I dove under a salty wave,
It would be you at my side.
I wanted to experience every taste, every touch
and every breath with you standing next to me.
For, life was more beautiful with your hand in mine.
You were my welcome rose-colored glasses,
now laying shattered on the floor.
Without you I see the world in
all of its harsh grotesqueness.
Without your cloud of sweetness,
My past pain and horror yet unknown
have taken on new strength.
I now only wish to travel back to the time,
when I thought I had a chance with your heart.
Jul 21, 2015
Jul 21, 2015 at 8:43 PM UTC
Am crying, thinking and re-correcting my mistakes.
Trying to fix things that I broke
Erasing the past that we made
It's hard, *** we wrote it in ink
It's hard to let this sink.
It hurts to see you leave
And I wish you could feel how I feel
But I know tym will heal
Definitely someone broke our seal
And this time, I know it's for real.
Jun 28, 2015
Jun 28, 2015 at 2:50 PM UTC
Migrains are physically debilitating and mentally inextinguishable
Apr 23, 2015
Apr 23, 2015 at 2:19 AM UTC