#conflicted
So I was correct,
drawing a line.
There you go,
leaving me here.
How I wish I wrote you a letter,
a poem similar as so many already written,
sent by mistake
or on purpose so you know.
It turns out we really are normal people.
A message from you, if I reveal it,
so exhilarating
we are more close than they know.
You go,
and I stay.
Would never ask you otherwise.
Life requires change.
Naturally, knowing, understanding,
I still feel my eyes water.
You were the first
to steal my heart.
Would ever chose to keep it?
You showed me care,
love,
how capable I am to give,
to receive.
I should let you be.
Still, a selfish me
wants you near.
Apr 22
Apr 22, 2026 at 6:42 PM UTC
You're sugar that turned salty
You're a candy that turned bitter
You never gave me an opportunity
Yet I still feel like a quitter
We could've made it work
We could've kept our slates clean
We could've prevented all the hurt
If you could just say what you mean
It's not like I was perfect
But at least I still tried
You make it seem like there was nothing
But I think our connection faded and died
Your eyes make me regretful
But I think I'm the only one
Even though I had to cut it off
Sometimes I wish we weren't done
Now I feel conflicted inside
And I don't know what to do
Was I just doing to much?
Could there ever be a me and you?
Was I just being delusional?
Or could you and I make sense?
If you think so,do you miss me
Or do you just miss my presence?
I think about this with every encounter
But I'll never have any words to say
I don't know if it was fun while it lasted
But I hope I'm not blamed for your bad days
Nov 28, 2025
Nov 28, 2025 at 8:00 AM UTC
how would you know how hard it is
waiting
waiting
waiting
i just want you
only you
where are you
piles of used tissues
theres something you dont know about the issues
we all have it
so accept it
dont get away with it
who
why
when
where
how
which one should i use to ask you
never understands
all my faults
stops
bits
Aug 14, 2025
Aug 14, 2025 at 8:11 AM UTC
Even though I chose you
Even though I’m here, with you
My mind still whispers—
Don’t give in
Not yet
Learn a little more first
Aug 18, 2025
Aug 18, 2025 at 3:17 PM UTC
*
It was your choice
I wasn't your boss
I had no voice
It was your loss
I wished you'd stayed
I should have chased
I never betrayed
I never replaced
I wanted you back
I let you go
If you were to ask
I'd have to say no
I changed my mind
I would say yes
I tried to be kind
I should've guessed
It's not your fault
It's you I blame
In every thought
I play this game
*
Jul 22, 2025
Jul 22, 2025 at 1:46 PM UTC
i do not know what i feel
the void in my heart echoes defeat
all i ever wanted was a loving home
yet nothing seems to catch up to my desire
seems im only getting further away from it
nomatter how much i try to gaslight myself
the truth is always staring me back in my solar
i know what i know yet i can't
if i do, i'll be the one responsible for it
this is all too much to bear alone
my therapists can only do so much, im impatient
i want resolution right now
i just want the same warm arms to consistently feel safe at home.
what if i was never meant to experience this?
and it's just wishful thinking?
will my life only amount to desiring and watching others get it instead?
i did everything right with my heart
yet i feel my life doesn't reflect the depths of my being
what is missing?
my worth, my certainty
they evade me when i need them the most
what will become of me in this timeline?
noway to know but surrender to the flow of life happening as me
so I lament
Jun 29, 2025
Jun 29, 2025 at 6:32 PM UTC
those are the options a boy is given at birth,
a choice between two evils—
for to be is to conform,
to choose the path of ignorance,
for to not be is to remove oneself,
to stray from the social norms,
To be is to blend,
to fade into a mass of faces that never ask questions,
to wear the uniform of comfort,
to follow the crowd without ever knowing why.
It’s to shut your eyes,
to smile and nod,
and pretend that you’ve figured it out
when the truth is you’re just drifting,
suspended in a current that leads nowhere.
But to not be—
to stand apart—
is to feel the weight of a world that cannot understand you.
It’s to be misunderstood,
labeled as lost or crazy,
but deep inside,
there’s a fire that refuses to be extinguished.
To not be is to question everything,
even your own reflection,
to challenge what is said to be true
and create your own truths,
even when it feels like you’re the only one who believes them.
And so the boy stands,
on the edge of these two choices,
each a path with its own promise,
its own cost.
To be is to live in a lie that everyone else accepts—
to wear a mask that fits just right,
but hides the person beneath.
To not be is to risk it all—
to tear away the mask,
to live in the rawness of truth,
to be exposed,
and to wonder if the world will ever be ready to see you as you are.
And so, the boy is left wondering
was he given two options at birth?
Or was the real choice always this—
to be neither,
to refuse the roles they've set before him,
and to create his own way,
somewhere between the lies and the isolation?
To decide not what the world tells him he must be,
but to question,
to carve out his own existence—
for, perhaps,
the answer lies in asking the question
again and again…
to be or not to be?
Jun 23, 2025
Jun 23, 2025 at 6:10 AM UTC
Once apon a time so gentle,
Watched sunrises as the birds sang good morning
Then broken in disillusionment,
became a dangerous weapon
Nothing can be gained without loss,
Even the celestial gates demand the reapers sickle.
He who seeks peace
Must face chaos
I know not what scares me more.
To see you once more,
Or never again.
I tremble at the choice unseen
To embrace the risk of once more
Or brace for impact on never again.
Jun 9, 2025
Jun 9, 2025 at 1:57 PM UTC
I love you,
I love you not
I love you
I love y...
Wait a second...
If it's not bipartisan
Honestly
It does not matter how many peddles this flowers got
©2025
Jan 22, 2025
Jan 22, 2025 at 3:17 AM UTC
Lies are all what people tell me
They act like I can barely see
How much lies they tell me
People tell me great stuff about myself
People tell me that I need to appreciate myself
Because of all I do
But, it reminds me what I did to you
It's like my brain
Doesn't want me to obtain
The kind words someone gives me
Instead, I'm supposed to believe that they are simply lying to me
It's just like my heart can't let me be
My brain tells me I need to believe them
While my heart says I can't believe them
Paranoid of what to choose
I chose the *****
I chose to be indecisive
I hate being being indecisive
But that's who I am
I don't know who to believe
Or if I should even leave
And close the curtains
Or just leave the curtains
Alone
I feel like I'm drowning in decisions I don't even mean to make
My life is at stake
Just because of mistakes
I choose to make
Every decision I make comes with bricks
That's one of my conflicts
Bricks always in my palms
I can't always keep calm!
Why can't you people understand that?!
I feel like I'm getting closer to death
Closer...and closer to death
All conflicts are made by my mistakes
Now other's lives are at stake
But am I the person who actually created these *****?
Even so
I always say sorry
I say sorry
Too much
All you do is munch
On my apologies
Like you're my allergies
You never forgave me
Don't act like I can't see
I don't even know if I should stop saying sorry
I keep on saying sorry
It feels useless
To not do any less
To do more
But I don't know anymore
I don't know what to do anymore
Nov 26, 2024
Nov 26, 2024 at 8:11 PM UTC
A Tree
Sat steadily at the centre of an endless field.
Never still.
Its branches grow, then fall.
From nothing, to green, then only decay,
Even the leaves come and go.
Yet, always there sits a shadow, constant behind the everblooming oak.
A boy fiddles with an apple as he sits within the shade.
He does not wander, only sits and plays,
Gnawing away at the fruits born.
Dec 10, 2022
Dec 10, 2022 at 2:33 PM UTC
You worship at My shrine and give
Your sweet and labored love
You tell Me “i’d give my whole life to You”
And “I only want to be held by You”
I look down and swallow it whole
It is not enough
Though ripe and plump
And full to bursting
It is not enough
Is it fair of Me to ask a mortal to feed My thirst?
Is it fair that I look for a different taste
A better fruit then what anyone can offer
You built My temple and made Me whole
But it is not enough
And your fruit is simply too sweet
If I demand you to wait
While I look for a better taste
Would you?
If I told you to kneel
At My holy shrine
Until your knees bleed
And your fruit rots
I know you would
Nov 21, 2022
Nov 21, 2022 at 6:21 PM UTC
Are my lips not enough like honey?
Are my words not sweet as Eden?
Do I palely compare to the affair of your dreams?
Woe, though I still love me.
Jun 16, 2022
Jun 16, 2022 at 1:14 PM UTC
affection has an expiration date.
becomes affliction,
turns sour like 4 month old whole milk.
love is always past due.
thrown away fresh out the oven,
now hogged during family dinner.
take what can only be given.
nothing can be given.
only take. it expires.
May 23, 2022
May 23, 2022 at 5:10 PM UTC
What do I think we are
Did I expect to see stars
Spining around both our heads
Forgetting the path that I fled
It all sounds so silly to me
Going back to such lived misery
How can I entertain my delight
At the thought of being under your spotlight
It all felt so decided, quite final
Like our last song on a vinyl
An album played ad nauseam
Swimming circles in stagnum
But a tale as old as time
The whimsy to rewind
In my attempt to create closure
I found the itch to flip our record over.
May 16, 2022
May 16, 2022 at 11:53 AM UTC
I'm tied up and my stomach is weighted down
A dark force is trying to make us disappear into the ground
He followed me with a noose that hung around a slender neck
A vulture who haunts my flesh just waiting for a peck
Hitting my chest to get the negativity out
envisioning light entering and the darkness dispersing about
Yet I still hear the hangman's words
I blocked them, yet they are still heard
"Little skinny girl,
just used for a cinnamon swirl
She will stutter just a little more
I can't seem to find her allure."
He has a hold on me whispering line after line
I honestly don't think I will make it in time
I found a place of redemption and a glimmer of hope
Yet I fall every time my foot moves to leave this slippery slope
Loosen the knot and slide your rope around me
Make sure there is a snap when I start to swing
Dec 10, 2021
Dec 10, 2021 at 9:13 PM UTC
I live conflicted
between the life I'm gifted
and fault lines that have shifted
under my feet
for a dream delete
under the concrete
mob elite.
The grass isn't green and ****
I stand here beetle bit
I can't seem to sift
through the needless rifts
brought by greedy grifts
and seedy spit
on our supply side cliff.
I stand out of the range
of the morally deranged
which is how they arrange
my inability to effect change
which puts me down in the count
and down on the scoreboard
so I can't purchase a mount
to start moving forward.
I'm the disease and the antidote
I'm the hunter and the antelope
water rushing through the dam I broke
flooding the land of hope
with my brand of nope
down a tantrum slope.
There's a cynical patter in town
saying it doesn't matter if I drown
or if I burn
either way I suffocate
then put into the ground in turn
they just listen to sounds that churn
as the unbound learn
there are hounds on Earth
that scour the turf.
I sit on the sidelines
begging them to stop
but then I find I'm
cheering the beating of cops
after seeing their glocks
protecting nothing but stocks
when an uptick in mops
is what we should want.
I am the owl sitting in the tree
I am the fowl dead among the leaves
I watch the world turn from my grave
where I burn as a slave
just to return to my cave
to repeat this the next day.
Sep 30, 2021
Sep 30, 2021 at 8:35 AM UTC
Why do I feel so lost?
My life is getting better day by day,
But my mental health seems to be the cost.
I'm trying to listen, but I'm tired of what they say.
The voices in my head are so loud,
It's drowning out everything out.
I feel like I have to act proud,
But I just want to shout.
Leave me be you stupid inner thoughts!
You cut me down harder than a knife,
You make me feel like I'm at a loss.
I don't want to die but I wanna give up on life!
Why does everything have to be a certain way?
Why do people continue to judge?
Can't people just finally stay,
I'm tired of each and every petty grudge.
This world is simple but yet so hard,
I want to give up but I don't know how.
I make a mirror break and use a shard,
I'm not okay, there is no way back now.
Like ***** I've known for awhile,
It doesn't change the fact that I still love you.
I keep trying to live in denial,
You keep changing but I wish you loved me too.
Sep 20, 2021
Sep 20, 2021 at 12:11 PM UTC
I cannot explain all the pathetic measures
my eyes will take to avoid your gaze,
all the paths my legs will journey to avoid bumping into you on my way home.
All the ways I knead my hands to the bone and all the toothpick excuses skewering my tongue.
And I cannot explain the way your presence deflates something inside my chest.
I don't know what to do with all that empty space. It echoes.
I fill it with the thimble's worth of pride that I scrape together,
every meager flake of validation I pick from the floor. I shovel slopping handfuls of sawdust
to try and soak up some of the shadows
but everything dissolves in that oily void, green and hideous.
God, it echoes, and everyone hears it.
I muffle it with my radio silence.
I look at you and I see everything I hate about myself
under a microscope.
Every blemish, every scar, every gaping hole
that you lack.
Stop, look. Here. Wrong.
Hear?
I blind myself with radio silence.
I don’t know how to live with an eternal reminder that I am incomplete.
You, and the place you hollowed without even knowing it.
Green and monstrous.
It echoes and everyone hears it.
I love you, but I cannot explain my radio silence.
Aug 24, 2021
Aug 24, 2021 at 3:38 PM UTC
Oh so family is supposed to always be there for you
Just not when sharing your feelings;it's not cool?
You can't confide in them with what you are dealing with
Got me feeling like a sith
That my feelings are too dark
Like I'm red kryptonite Clark
Leaving me to become real bitter
Like all the times i was verbally attacked by a "her"
I'm told to act my age
I'm only 30 I'm not a wise sage
Aug 8, 2021
Aug 8, 2021 at 11:33 PM UTC
For awhile now I've been free,
But I feel stuck, drowning in the sea.
I've been good at hiding my emotions and scars,
I've been searching for you among the stars.
Running into eachother broke my heart,
But you say it's better to just stay apart.
I still have my demons I need to fight,
And you took away my light.
You can leave my life that's fine,
But don't blame me when I shine.
I may not have you,
But I have someone new.
Jul 6, 2021
Jul 6, 2021 at 6:36 PM UTC
Who knew I could be so
L
O
W
But so
H
G
I
H
at the same time?
It seems like my emotions are chosen at
R D
N
A
O
M
Jun 5, 2021
Jun 5, 2021 at 11:01 AM UTC
there's no need to be alone
so long as someone wants you
no reason to be sad
so long as there's happiness to be had
not for you
not a need to be afraid
unless you live with your fears
one track one line, a straightaway
only left to shift the gears
not for you
this machine
this marvel of a beast
a prize itself
but not for you
Jan 12, 2021
Jan 12, 2021 at 9:37 PM UTC
Though peaceful is the life I attempt to live, to stop the harm I must forgive.
Sitting in the shallows, dwelling on the pain I've caused, inflicted thus so with little pause.
On myself I work so hard, yet setbacks they abound, eating me from within it seems, hope it gleams, but there sits my own reality ripping at the seams, collapsing all around.
Expectations undulating beneath my feet deep within the ground, it appears they cannot be fulfilled.
I'm stuck in the mud that is my own apathy, clawing at the earth trying to be free.
The question remains, why can't I just things be?
Dec 10, 2020
Dec 10, 2020 at 1:13 PM UTC