Gunshots boom in my ears
Cannons, my life anthem
Smoke and fog are part of the sky now
But in my home I shall stay.

I still remember oh-so-long ago
Colors bursted all around
No gunshots, no cannons
Sweet music playing outside.

A gunshot rings, a cry of pain
Blood is spilled before me
My mother lay there, cold and still
My eyes don’t want to believe.

People tell me to leave
To board their boat
Why should I? Who are you!
Mother, what shall I do?

You expect me to sail away with you?
No more sweet music, no more cooked rice?
Months and months in the big, cold sea?
Why should I?

They say look out for number one
But if survival is all that matters, what is the point of life?
I somehow manage to board your boat
I wish my mind worked as fast as my body.

Bodies clumped together
Little food I nibble on
My sibling squeezes my hand
Swish swish, the waves mock me.

I hug my knees as darkness surrounds me
Mother, please come back
Swish swish, swish swish
Quiet, waves, I need not to be mocked.

The captain calls
The boat comes to a stop at a bay
Apples and Oranges and Rice and Water, sweet sweet Water
The waves no longer mock me.

Mother, I made it!
I survived!
Aren’t you proud of me?
Should you be?

Watching people blow out their brains?
Was that a prize I wished to claim?
Was it worth it in the end?
If I saved my own life along the way?

People say it’s salvation
Is it really, though?
Having a language shoved down my throat?
Strangers spitting at me on the streets?

My mother’s blood still lingers on my hands
No matter how many times I wash it
Guilt swallows me up like a tidal wave
Could I have saved her?

So many lives I’ve loved and lost
Haunting memories still the front cover
of my terrorized mind
I will never be the same.