Ninah Dau May 2

this place
this smell
had nothing to do with you
nor you had been here
nor had i
and i tried my best not to stain it
but i pictured you beside me
and that is how i let you haunt me

Ninah Dau Apr 4

i often dream of you
in soft pastel colours
but slowly they fade
because you were more
a vibrant red

Ninah Dau Mar 23

for so long
i pushed the last morsels of my wounded heart
on my tasteless mouth to chew like a toy.
resignation helped cease the grief
outside the seams of my racked enough brain,
but then
you;
you rummaged through strings and dreams
trying to reach out to me, violently.
of course i kept fretting on the costs of your unwitting love
soon, illness and fatigue crept within me
my heart, careless of iniquities,
had finally embraced its meekly destiny
stored as a dusty shelf memory
but i, tottering on the brink of the grave
stood still, loving you

armorless, wistfully,
curiosity was born from isolation,
questioning myself why you keep running
but i cannot scape you;
perhaps the budding silence that exists
between the comely swears of my adoration
and the elated memory of who you once were
keeps my feebly soul attached to mortal expectations,
even when, quite frankly, we both know
the untold truths hidden within this fondness,
but still i hope i'm not as forgettable
as your silence is making me feel.

i hope to forgive myself one day,
when the sea strands collide with the vastness
of the chaotic ocean, to lay calmly,
safely, into the arms of whoever's devotion
they may fall.
for i pray this sadness to cease
but oh, who i am without this pain, my love.

certain i am for i am not yours,
neither am i the only one,
and i do not wish to step away
but neither do i know how to stay.

Ninah Dau Mar 12

today, this dull city looked so beautiful surrounded by the foggy march rain. how lovely the smell of freshly cut out grass. i am not known to fancy sunlight but even a night creature would be fond in such a delight. the covers are no longer needed, although i still get caught under them at times. j, on this marvealous day, for once no bitterness lived within me, instead i sat down next to my window-pane to be amazed by uncertainty, i was left wondering if you would find yourself fond in the mesmerizing beauty of all the things we have yet to learn. dear, i hope this day greeted you well, with the sun shining through, for i fear you stay inside and let no light kiss you enough, for i hope you are well even if things may seem to have no way out at times.

02/03/2017
written in my closed curtained room
smiling wide for you

Ninah Dau Mar 12

I remember my godmother
secretly giving me a sip of wine at a family reunion
The rush in my veins when thinking
"mom would totally kill me if she finds out"

It was the first time I felt corruption
It sure felt right
even tho I was doing nothing rightful to be proud of
Being a subject of the laboratory
that was creating such bad within me
Exposing my morals so violently
to force the future awaiting me
How was I supposed to do the right thing
when I was taught to avoid the rules in which order and chaos were so thinly divided?

The picture hits me when I listen to politicians on national TV
Promising nothing but a taste of wine

I was just watching some politician giving a speech and i couldn't help but write this on my phone. It may be a poem, I'm not sure yet.
Ninah Dau Feb 22

what is left of me to say
if all words taste so like yesterday
sugar coated sour gummy bears
i no longer dream with happy endings
if I ever dream at all nowadays
feels as if you were right there
and i don't know if it's your curls
or the vivid memories of
your velvety soft spoke
i long ago had assumed it was me
creating you, muse of mine
but it was you
it has always been you
you are the only dream
i cannot make true
you cannot dream love
i can only touch your hair
sing to your grief
that in between all the pain
and poems and sad valentine's
i'd take bites every single time
i will taste yesterday's love affair
and i will dry the sower tears
but darling, please
just once
let me dream
i am your valentine.

Ninah Dau Feb 22

as far floating dots in the darkest night
as far floating stars in the overwhelming universe
so distant and cold, unaware of each other
but still knowing we are out there (to find)
we expect to catch a rocket
because nothing else stops our way
we have overviewed other constallations
everyone shines but we just don't see it

we told ourselves our space is simple, plein,
unspecial
but that same simple plein space constains us
and it holds thousands like us.

don't run away. stay.
look around
you may not see yourself right away
but you'll see me
trying so hard to find each other
so we must be a part of it too.

you are like the sun
ready to shine but every now and then
someone gets burnt.
don't be scared.
i may not shine as you do
you may not shine as i do
but how wonderful it'd be
to illuminate the dark sky
to be frozen in time and space
to travel forever into the deepthness of the universe
colliding with bigger suns
finding each other's moons.

Ninah Dau Feb 9

they are all so beautifully carved
soft edges and curved corners
all those girls you praise so much
little often do I find them flawed
so rarely, though, ever real

and I'm afraid I'm all sharped layers
cutting in between whatever was together
dividing whatever was add up
folishly believing on wake ups

howling my pain, discomfort
of course the sun still shines
but I don't always feel it
in others, maybe
but never within me

they sure swallowed the moon
and choked on the stars
how violent is beauty
when all beauty ever was

Ninah Dau Jan 8

how good must it feel
to be covered in gold
to bathe in the morning dew
to be one of the french girls
to swim in pools of pretty perls
to be written poetry as if making love
but no sunshine hangs from my shoulders
no sky scapes my eyes
i wonder how it must feel then
to be admired with such delicacy
to be hold with tender arms
to be sung lullabies softly at night
how good must it feel
to have you calling my name
to keep you warm and safe
to let the universe be compared to my beauty

but that's just me
always writing pretty words
to people who could never see me
loving those who cannot love me
how profound this grief within
everyone seems beautiful
yet to no one i seem.

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