Everything I thought makes life beautiful

Makes the grass greener the sky bluer
 Makes the darkness recede for a while
 Until

Everything crashes down

And makes shadows crawl

Makes whispers call your names with 
Dead eyes in the mirror

Then

You go back

Too sad to function

Too tired to speak

Too hungry too weak

Then everything shines again

And you wake up to the lights

Sunlight

Shaking and happy and incoherent
Oblivious of your demise

The hold it’s got on your soul

It’s everything

Tragedy and despair

You can’t speak from loss

You cry

And go find everything exactly where it was

And escape through frames

Trying to find a distorted illusion of
What once was

Less than yesterday

Five days ago

Everything in pieces nothing consuming you 

Run two steps ahead of the pain
Inducing the chemical confusion

The twitches the bones protruding

The stutter the asthma the all

Over

Pain.
Everything is okay

This pain has broken through my wall of glass

Awake unblinking

Hurt sinking 

Lost alone thinking

I’m alone

Losing everything

Ruined 

Falling to pieces

Pieces getting crushed into dust

And going to my sinuses

I am nothing.
Broken. Cold. Dying. 

I am addiction.
I am

An escapist, a *******, a mass linguist, pacifist and anarchist nihilist and pessimist

A walking contradiction

Full of contrition

Contraband addiction
When I die

Don’t let them all know I

Left my mind on a frame

Or a card

Too much shame. 
But this is too hard.
I lost my everything when I met everything that makes me lost.