if you were to put your best memories on a scale alongside your worse
both holding the same intensity
neither more impactful than the other.
your worse memories will still outweigh the most positive ones.
we as humans are sadly inclined to internalize the negative
we are persistent to recall the bad over good
you can have a basket full of good apples
and still throw it away because of one that is rotten.
how many good birthdays can you remember?
how many times can you recall yourself crying as a child rather than laughing?
how much do you remember?
and how many times will you keep trying to forget?
avoidance is temporary and accepting it means that hurt from remembering is permanent.
being numb is growing tolerant.
how much do you want to forget?
dwelling on things that can't change, won't change anything.
this defense mechanism gives importance to negative experiences
and I begin to find myself always remembering
then here comes the self questioning
becoming cautious
always looking over my shoulder.
I remember never liking myself because of what others put me through
I remember never having the strength to tell myself different.
Instead of asking how much I remember
I think of what I know.
I know that these experiences do not define me but shape me.
I know that if you never remember who you are
you will always see yourself with the eyes of others
and everything you've been put through.
if you were to put what you know on a scale alongside with what you remember
both holding the same intensity and impact
depending on what you truly know instead of what you think
depends on if it outweighs what you remember.