We should be meeting in the middle
It should be like that all the time
But sometimes it hurts more than a little
When the darkness obscures the line
It's a sinking feeling
When all we're doing is clinging to the floor
Lowest of the low
Like there's no fight in me left to fight for
You can only go down so deep
Before you have to come up for air
Now I lay me down to sleep
Whenever I wake I hope you'll be there

True love breaks your heart into pieces like nothing else.

Where are you
I keep looking for you
Even as you tell me "we'll make it through"
I want to believe you like I always do
In this bed as I lie
Strangled by the sheets and the darkness in my eyes
Feeling like I could die
(Sweet relief, such sweet release)
Waiting for you
Watching for you
Wishing I would find you if I looked behind me
But I'm still waiting
"In this bed of spider webs
I think of ways to change myself"
Through these long, dark nights
Alone despite living together
Walking with the same painful limp
Parched lips
All skin and bone
Starving for a little glimpse
of the day you'll finally find your way home

"Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of withering, of tarnishing."

- anais nin.

She said, "You will always be too much of something for someone: too big, too loud, too soft, too edgy. If you round out your edges, you lose your edge."
Sounds so easy to "just do YOU" to someone on the outside.
She told me to be careful, but not fearful.
She told me to be mindful, but not thoughtless.
She thinks I really know how to live, even when I feel like dying.
And now I feel forced into change, because if I don't, it means I'm not trying.

I loathe Tuesdays.

How can this last forever when forever hurts so much?

3:33am
again
screaming nightmares and terrors
telling false tales of the heart and grave errors
wide awake while the world sleeps
my heart pounds and my weary eyes weep
wide-eyed and staring at the white glow of the screen
wondering why and what it all means

"Limb by limb and tooth by tooth
Tearing up inside of me
Every day every hour
I wish that I was bulletproof

Wax me
Mould me
Heat the pins and stab them in
You have turned me into this
Just wish that I was bulletproof..."

Just as soon as this blows over
Just as soon as we get back under the covers
Just as soon as we get high
Just as soon as we learn to fly
Just as soon as we take a breath
Just as soon as we learn to accept
Just as soon as we have space
Just as soon as we have our own place
Just as soon as we slow it down
Just as soon as we come around
Just as soon as we allow each other to "be"
Just as soon as we can clear out the clutter and see
Just as soon as I stop burning and worrying
Just as soon as he stops controlling and hurrying
Just as soon as we put it into practice
Just as soon as we get active
Just as soon as our hearts speak louder than our voices
Just as soon as we make better choices


What about now?

It appears that I've gone dark again
Same familiar cage, same old cell
Lost inside my personal hell
Light a candle to show me the holes
This is how to deal with it
This is the only way I know
And it's just as well
Running into walls
Putting out fires
The edges of my heart are scorched
Torches lit and flickering at the pyre
Everywhere I turn
It's like a maze and I'm amazed
Should just give in to the burn
Torch it all
Let it all go
Instead of feeling frozen, fan the final flame
A cauterized and sterilized shell of my past
Nothing but embers, ash and shadow
This is the only way I know