A poem from Barry Hodges' "Memories" Sequence by Edna*

Some folks think the place where the 'Pilgrim Fathers' landed
On the 4th of July in 1776 with a cha-cha-cha
Is a beautiful place, nice and peaceful
With clapboard churches and houses
And maybe a couple of nice well-kept cemeteries
(dedicated to the dead native Americans,
who caught influenza from the colonists),
But there is another side to the landing place:
Believe me, I know, I have been there
On an interesting cut-price package tour
And I have seen it in all its hideous terror.

I was wandering happily around the historic venue,
Taking a few photos with my new Nikkon X2234A Digital
(And accompanied by my blind mother-in-law, Mrs Ada Sproggs),
When a gang of savage drunken Puritan preachers,
Out of their minds on some kind of tobacco product,
Savaged us and cut off poor old Ada's head
With a reproduction 18th century axe
Which totally ****** up her holiday plans.

O Perfidy! They left her lying there on the beach,
Her brains splattered on the coral strand,
And for what? Well, let me share the horror with you:
They wanted to wear her Marks & Spencers ******
(In spite of the senile stains and skidmarks)
And as a result she spent a couple of weeks
On a mortuary slab (in two separate pieces).
The consequence? I had to pay for a very expensive funeral
And my travel insurance argued about the costs.
Dear God, I will stay in dear old London in the future.