sitting here
staring at these boring beige walls
with someone staring back at me
as I try to put my thoughts into words
don't sound stupid
no desperation
no neediness
no attention
being analyzed is an interesting thing
because you can feel the ****
of knowledgable eyes in your brain
so your walls go up
stop staring at me
because help doesn't exist
when you don't want it
and there is no cure
for the monsters in my brain
tearing
ripping
clawing at my psyche
whispering
sweet nothings into my subconscious
bland, practiced words stream out of my mouth
bubbling over with the dull tone of indifference
boredom
and ultimately,
cringe-worthy sadness.
if only you could actually understand
that the monsters are my friends
their darkness inspires me
reminds me of the heaven
found six feet below my own heels
now I'm standing,
with a rehearsed smile on my mask
and a hollow 'thank you'
before I return to the beige walls

he sits in his room
alone in the dark
tears in his eyes
a silver blade in his sight
everyone's asleep
no one to hear him cry
his voice softly whispers
his own lullaby
"hush little child
don't go to bed
'cause then all the monsters
who live in your head
will only just hurt you
until you are dead."
his mind goes cloudy
as the metal touches his skin
he whispers to himself
"alright monsters, you win"
he carves deep and carves hard
his warm blood pouring out
he bites his lip hard
as he tries not to shout
he wraps himself up
after the bleeding has stopped
"it's final." he whispers
"i've just given up"
"i'll write down my note
and say my goodbye
i won't tell them my story
but i'll sing my lullaby."

Tear stained eyes
Love stained lips
I'll kiss you goodbye
Under this starry night sky
"I'll see you in heaven."
I whisper under my breath
"Shh, don't say that. You're not going yet."
You smile and kiss my lips once again
"Goodbye, I love you."
"I'll see you again."

You cry to me about all of your problems
I try and help the only way I can
By telling the truth
Your problems aren't that bad
No one has died
So, a guy doesn't like you
Big deal
Trust me, I have bigger problems
So, now you're done?
Alright
Fine
I didn't need you anyway

My skin is a canvas
There for me to draw
When the voice consumes my mind
And the blade begins to call.

I’ve tried to stop myself
From doing what it says
But my hand acts of its own accord
Drawing out the red.

I say that I am better
That I won’t do it again
But there’s a demon that lurks inside
Hidden behind my grin.

It tells me I’m not good enough
That I will never succeed
And it makes me draw the ugly lines
From my hips down to my knees.

I’m sorry I’m not perfect
Or who you want me to be
But in truth the person you’re looking at
Isn’t the real me.

My tears stain the pages of my farewell
Ink smudges against my skin
I sign my name at the bottom
Besides a "Goodbye"
I read over my words
"I love you's" running across the lines.
"Please dont cry." smudged on the sides.
"I'm sorry." written everywhere.
And your name is placed carefully in between.
So this is my farewell.
I love you.
Please don't cry.
I'm sorry.
Goodbye.

Swallow the pills
Slice with the shining silver blade
Silence your screams
Say goodbye