I'm shaking
I'm starving
I'll tell you everything about me
You'll know nothing

I won't exist
I'll crumble and fall into the abyss

slowly
we're taking it slow
you know nothing
there's nothing to know

my water bottle stinks with the stench of old *****
white stark cold
liquor
smell stench old
liquor
I forgot to shower this morning, so I sit in my own sweat
clench quench drench
bitter

my first crush committed suicide.
i remember the hurt at a young age
from chasing him around his living room
begging him for a kiss.
from my young age i knew i wanted him
in my life forever.
through his weaves and gagging
running around the furniture and up the stairs,
losing him sounded foreign then
and having lost him now, still feels the same.
our fathers drank and our mothers giggled
born three months apart
our future planned together
both saying "i do"
uniting us all together.
life flew on by
us both fighting with ourselves
and downing the bottles underneath the bed
loaded and silenced
family portraits painted in red
long life memories all put to rest.
only one made it out alive
but it's hard to breathe
out of us how was it me
and you in a little box
where a diamond ring should be.
my mind keeps wondering
when will i stop chasing you
then my heart replays
every time you turned a corner
you looked over your shoulder
and how you smiled at me.

it says hello
like an old friend from lifetimes ago
the embrace is seductive;
it's easy to give in

Go to sleep it says, it'll be all right
It offers peace and sings you a lullaby

it says goodbye
and you begin to cry
this is it's biggest trick;
getting you to mourn it's presence by your side

it creeps back in,
promising never to leave this time.

everybody is pleading and screaming on the outside;
but they do not understand

c'mon, you're not like them;
the thing whispers into your head

there's nothing for you outside this bubble;
your only friend lives inside your head

they beg you to look at the sun,
try and smile they say, c'mon just have some fun
but the appeal of the grey skies will never leave,
for this is the part, all the psychs in the world, fail to see

you see,
happiness is more confusing than depression ever was

&

the problem is,
     you treat it like an enemy,
                                          when to most of us,
                                                                ­            it acts like a friend.