Sometimes I find myself waiting
Waiting for the old times
The good times, to come back
Im stuck here in slow motion
Surronded by this constant commotion
Sometimes I break and I have no strength left
No im flooded by the pain
Left to fight this war by myself
I don't know who I am
I barely know whats real
I barely feel

I heard a cry in the night,
A thousand miles it came,
Sharp as a flash of light,
My name, my name!

It was your voice I heard,
You waked and loved me so—
I send you back this word,
I know, I know!

Standing, soaked, out in a storm, gusts of wind whipping my hair around wildly
Unruly strands sway with the song of chaos, pulling at my scalp, snapping, lashing at my face
My existence is all reality as this whirlwind tempest frantically thrashes about my flesh
In the complex puzzles and foolish games, a simple madness lives, and therein lies my freedom

My tongue and lips sometimes flap boisterously from their spot on my face
And the noises risen up from my throat, and passed through my mouth are meaningless blubberings
Involuntarily, I grin, tasting the nonsense's unique sweetness, and I swallow
My laughter rings out, a vociferous and untameable sound; humor, the voice of a crazy woman

And I spin! Oh, I spin and spin and spin, savagely, in ellipses, ovals, and circle shapes
I've no shame, and this dance is all mine, so I maniacally fling my arms through the air
And as my body makes its revolutions, a fierce smile curves the shape of my lips, wrinkles the corners of my eyes
Inside my mind, wandering - wondering if there's any real difference between elated insanity and that which I crave...

Most people use words such as eccentric, strange, whimsical, and peculiar for what they cannot understand
So very often I hear these such words being used from those who speak of me
But it is them whom I perceive as being rather off, so habitual and boring, living like routine enslaved, joyless zombies
So unfathomable to me, why most everyone seems to desire nothing beyond a passionless, hollow schedule to, every day, just repeat

Me... I'll race barefoot down a gravel path, through lightning, thunder, and rain, only to feel my hair being twisted and tangled up in the wind
I'll jabber absurdities, laugh like a loon, all while I spin contentedly around and around, until, stupidly dizzy, I crash and fall
Madness pays little mind, stands without worries or concerns, because it believes - it knows, most nothing matters
This is my freedom, freedom that cannot be shared, for what it is, is something that's only freeing for me...

               ~A. D. Smithson   MARCH 2013

I wonder if this new approach will be beneficial
even though I'm acting somewhat superficial
I wanted to tell her how beautiful she was but it just seemed
too boring for her ears too hear.
So I called her ugly and waited for her reaction
she was surprised and said she's never been called that.
So I told her she was unimportant to me
and that she wasnt the prettiest girl in this stupid *** little town.
She slowly started to grin and I slowly started to turn it up
just admiting everything I wanted too say.
Ever since I seen her stupid pretty face in 3rd grade,
Ever since the days when she didnt notice me because I had braces, and
Ever since the day I asked her out to prom and she said I dont think so.
Well she knows I've always been a lier so she knows all my words calling her a peice of **** werent true
and it was a different way of telling her how speacil she was to me
and she knows that the more I unleash on her the more it proves how much  I want her to be with me.
So we take a taxi back to my apartment and she tells me to continue degrading her
she just was tired of being called pretty
thats all.