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SweetCindy Sep 2014
He was born strong, he had to be,
Lest he sacrifice his anonymity.
A force to be reckoned with within himself
Or was it the all-powerful force that enslaves you and me.
Most fall prey to its whims, not him.
He was wise to their tricks from the start
From every social class it claims its victims
But not he with his invincible heart.

Blame it on who you will
Mom when she popped the pill
Or pops when he gulped his swill
Siblings who plotted the ****
Past lovers who could never fulfill
No - none of the above..He blames himself
He is ill.

To be exposed to the public
Makes him physically sick
The panic sets in, then comes the sweat
Body lurching, losing control (tick, tick)
A second feels like eternity in their sight
He just wants to disappear, take flight.
The social fear, anxiety has a vicious bite.

He doesn't deserve the sad fate
Of which he's found hard to escape.
His heart made of iron walls built around the biggest love one could imagine.
His mind exploding with passion
Ambition, strength, desperation
But the fear that holds him captive
A thick Veil creates
Blinding the world's eyes - that they may never see how great
And how beautiful a mind he possesses.

I wish I could make him famous
It's a shame for him to stay concealed
If you had the honor to know what his name is
Perhaps your broken view of the world would be healed.
Because he has a way of telling a story
That is completely captivating
Equally self-shaming & proclaiming his glory
Leaves you for hours or days his words contemplating.

You can't just turn away & forget
You can't just say no & regret
When his hand is extended for aid
It's the least you can do. How you're made
In God's image, a God of love & kindness
Can't withhold or turn your eye in blindness.

Despite his pervasive surroundings
Of filth & greed & surrender
He finds a way to self-preserve
Or for a friend a favor to render.
Although he himself has nothing
No worldly possessions to claim
Would give his arm & his leg - risk his neck
To save a friend, or even a stranger, HECK!

This sorry poem still does him no justice
Doesn't convey the full picture
His life account could fill volumes
In libraries in every town of every state in this small nation.
See, even I know only a fraction.
Yet without having known him
Who would I be?
What lessons in life would be lacking?
I have him to thank for opening my heart again
Tearing it out violently & replacing it
With even more capacity to love than before.

He should know how many hearts he has touched
How many have stood at a distance & admired his strength.
He should believe that his potential is real, beyond his wildest imagination.
He should feel proud that he brought life into this world, showed someone what love means while all he's known is hate.
That in itself is a miracle.
He's a miracle
He's someone special.
Someone special to me.
Dedicated to W.A.H.
SweetCindy Aug 2014
The phrase came to me like a silent epiphany...Like an arrow piercing my flesh & reaching my heart like a bull's eye.

From the moment we enter this world, our hearts thrive on love. Screeching infants instantly silenced by the warm embrace & nuzzling caress of their human makers, their parents.

A child's first crush & the rush of holding hands. Chasing young love on the playground, but somehow it always gets away.

A favorite toy lost. A dropped ice cream cone. Being the last one picked for the team.
Our first kiss, first date.. Getting dumped by our first love.

We find love, get married, but maybe they're not "the one". Do you stay or call it quits?

Or maybe we hold out for "the one", single, alone. Love teases your heart like an *** with a carrot.
You go through the motions, too many times until you believe you have lost the vision of real love, true love.
You find your life's passion, your major, your mentor, you the prodigy.

In your mind you hear the warning: "There's a fine line between ambition & obsession."

Through all the stages of life, regardless of our social class, background, history or current circumstances, our heart prods us..
Beckons us to strive for our dreams, pursue our desires, reach our goals & aspirations, proclaim our love .. but that dream, desire, goal, love is always just beyond our reach, at our fingertips but never truly acquired.

Like the chef who slaves over his feast to make it perfect & basking in it's delicious aroma & savoring the taste test to serve it up for others to enjoy, longing to sit down and indulge, but alas! there's not a morsel left for him to partake - it's all gone.

Our heart starves.
This is still a work in progress.. some thoughts flooded into my head.. I've yet to find a rhythm or style that I envision this in & still battling with the verbiage.
  May 2014 SweetCindy
It's 3 am again
and I am here
and you are there
and I am alone in my bed
so I can't whisper
"G'night sugar"
in your ears
or tickle you to sleep
or wake up to your legs
or your heat
or your sleepy eyes.

*Breathe deep and feel me now
SweetCindy May 2014
     I have learned the meaning.    
         Of love.         Of heartache.       Of loss.  
I've grown.  Shed dead leaves of sorrow  & pain.
   My branches                have borne                      heavy loads,    
Enjoyed the pleasure of young children swinging, climbing, laughing
Names carved into my heart: "I was here."  "Cindy <3 'So & So' 4-eva"
But over the years........the bark expands.........the names slowly fade
My outer skin.   of bark grows.    thicker,    harder to leave your mark
      My purpose & appeal         *      *         have changed.    
    I have done               **              my very best  
     To ward off                   the "termites" 
   That      eat me up        inside.  
My core, my limbs
Are solid
my roots
run deep
Of truth
in my veins
Holding dear
only The most
Ones in my life
Mom                            Dad
Michael -      my brother                Jeanette -    my sister
Naomi.      Lisa.         Micaela.      Marina.          Abby.       Caleb.
MY   TRUEST                                    &                                GREATEST LOVE
MY.                   BEST.              FRIEND.               JEHOVAH.               GOD.
SweetCindy May 2014
Cluttered room, piles of clothes on a queen-sized bed that rarely gets made.
A desk full of papers & pictures she hasn't looked at in over a decade.
Cabinets, book shelves full of candles & nick-knacks,
books she's never read - hard cover & paperbacks.

She looks under her bed, pulls out a locked box.
Finds envelopes stuffed with letters from best friends & admirers she had almost forgot.
She hasn't seen or spoken to the friends in many years -
they said their friendship would be strong forever, would never disappear...
The admirers have since found themselves wives & have some kids,
but re-reading these letters, it stirs up vague illusions of what might have once been,
A romance almost sparked but never ignited.
A life that once existed, if but briefly,
but never was or will be.

Now, amongst all the "things" she has collected & stored,
She wonders to herself: "Why am I so bored?..
How did I let those times get away from me?
Why have I forgotten so much?
What do I have to show for all the time that has gone by?
How do I get it back?
Why do I feel like nothing & everything has changed all at once?"...

She puts the envelopes in the pile of stuff she no longer needs. She fills the bag with trash. Clears the bed & slowly drifts to sleep...alone.
SweetCindy Nov 2013
Affection, Admiration, Lust, Adoration...
There are at least 65 different definitions of the word.
Feelings that inspire books of poetry or expressions of love unheard.

How is it measured?
Perhaps with a caliper  
to measure its depth and breadth.
Or with a sound meter
To measure the volume and decibel or the whispering of a breath.

Could you measure it in pints or cups or ounces in a measuring cup?
"My cup runneth over"
Can it be measured with a thermometer?
"I'm burning up."

How heavy is true love - can it be weighed on the scales?
Can you measure love with a compass - to what degree does love prevail?

Can a speedometer track the speed by which one falls in love?
Or an odometer measure the distance at which love can still be felt?

Can you use a syringe to limit your doses of love before it's lethal?
Can you attach a heart monitor and check how a lover's heart beats faster
or the health of their love - strong or weak?

Can the rhythm & harmony be counted out on a metronome
Can a polygraph test prove it is true?

Can the magnitude of love be measured using a microscope, binoculars or a telescope - maybe Hubble.  How does one know how to bring it into "focus"?

How mysterious that love is so indistinguishable, so immeasurable, so evasive & yet SO BIG!
Yet no one - except for God - knows the true measure of Love & its ability to heal, to hurt.
SweetCindy Sep 2013
My brain is scattered like a fly on a windshield.
I want to convey my thought clearly, but there are so many they become a blur even to me.
I wish i could write something mind-blowing, but I feel like my brain would explode.
I have a deluge of emotions & thoughts & insights inundating inside my mind, but it's like trying to draw up water from a well with no rope.
I finally feel complete & happy & well, embracing who I am, yet I feel like a stranger to all who know me.
Falling asleep as I write be continued
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