the poetic soul
screams love!

there can be
no greater poem
than one written
with a broken heart

passion oozes
from fingers
typing words
encased in agony

a being
wallowing in self pity
makes oh, such embraceable poetry

blood soaked keypad
from overworked fingers
desperate to convey
the pain held within

give me a spirit
crushed by love
and i will give you
a kick *** poem!

the sun doesn't rise and set in anyone's eyes
for me
the earth doesn't rumble and split when he walks by
for me
colors don't seem brighter, sky's aren't clearer, birds don't sing louder
for me
cupid doesn't shoot arrows filled with love
fragrant flowers don't fill the room
there aren't sweet boxed chocolate smears on lips
there isn't a quick beating of the heart
there isn't a forever and ever til death do us part
for me
but that's cool
i've got time
i'll wait
and wait
and wait
for you.

tiny hand
in mine
pulsating
with trust
love
your eyes are clear
they see me
and i see you
and we connect
we are attached
not a word spoken
just the piercing
of our eyes
reaching
committing
   i will
always hold you
lift you
comfort
and encourage you
when you can't count on others
you can count on me.

a breath of fresh air
that's what you are

so new
curious
fearless
pure of thought

unveiling love
with a tender touch
reaching
for me
           unafraid
brushing your cheek
ever
so
gently
across mine
making my heart melt
with your smile

i thought i knew love
then came you.

thinking of something perfect
i think of you
   and you
     and you
       and you
and.....

hmmm

i guess i haven't experienced total form of perfection
...yet.

in a park
near a bench
are pigeons
nesting
cooing
eating
waiting
for the precise moment
to drop a bomb
on some unsuspecting
head.

my mind is a kaleidoscope of emotions
ricocheting off the walls of my skull

feels like i'm always throwing something out there
only to have it bounce back at me
untouched
obviously unimpressive
to anyone

why are some conceptions
notions
thoughts
acclamations
beliefs
disregarded as nothing
by so many

kinda makes me want to quit
kinda makes me want to chuck it all
give up
throw in the towel
raise my hands in surrender
and be done with it all

but i won't
i'll keep tossing
with stubborn determination
knowing that one day
i'll electrifyingly amaze
the right person!

there seems to be a lover missing
in this exotic playroom i incorporate
all the players seemed paired off
      but me
i search the inventory
but can't seem to find a match
there's big ones
          small ones
    short ones
        tall ones
    smart ones
              dumb ones
sarcastic ones
       and lame ones

but where is mine?

of all there is to offer
not one suits me
so i guess i will continue
alone in this plight
for there's not a hopeful potential
in this land
of lovers delight.

i'm too fickle
        for love

   the dark haired boy
with the wicked grin
becomes obtuse
   in a week or two

blondie with the goatee
   provokes a wide yawn
and makes my eyes sleepy

   the bald headed stud
with the big muscles
makes me want to bang my head
against the wall

but...the brooding gent
   who recites poetry
with a voice that makes me purr
   in all the right places
who has a flock of messy brown hair
   that hangs just right
and deep eyes that read my soul
   like a well written novel
his lips are always moist
   and most often poised
to offer a shy smile

him
     i'll keep

for a little while longer.

...smile for me
just one more time
leave me with an everlasting memory
of true love

the words drop kicked my brain
and startled it
into writing again.

a good poem comes
from a destructive soul

agony
   pain
     heartache

every emotion
ripped to shreds

   spewed words
filled with contempt

   words that burst
from outlined fonts
to explode
before the eyes
of the willing

we seek those
who are desperate to grasp
just one sentence
of pure and utter
depravity

we don't want
   sing song

we want descriptive
paragraphs
that come from
a war torn
soul

we want
battered feelings
left to wither
and die
among the fingertips
of a keyboard

we want the depressed
degenerated
perverted
mind
to produce
a colorful, kick in your face
strangulating
paragraph
that swirls, flows
and cascades
into the thirsty heads
of the *******.


we want good poetry.

and we want it now.

beautiful verses
that flow easily from her fingertips
leave me in awe
of the fact
that simple words
can have such a deep impact
on my mind.

a portal is lifted
allowing words to escape
from mind
         to paper

with the
            tumbling
                          of
                               text
   i am filled with a release

chains
   that have bound my thoughts,
are broken
and expressive prose
fills the pages

writers block
no longer suffocates me
and i am filled
with the sweet breath
of poetry.

interfused rhymes
   that flow easily on paper
mingled words
   that make the heart melt
smooth verses
   capturing a story
people falling in love
   people falling out of love
sickness
   joy
hatred
   admiration
lies
   truth
angst
   calmness

feelings

all blended together
to produce the perfect
composition

a poem.

words
i read
and they've blurred
before me
until one
   sentence
      catches
and the rest flows
   so
      so perfectly
like a tightly
fitted puzzle
that when finished
makes a beautiful
poem.

i talk in verse
and get looks of disdain
rolling eyeballs the norm
shaking of the head
why can't she just talk normal
   on everyone's tongue
eyes filled with confusement

so i shake my own head
and walk away
looking to the empty page
of a, as of yet, unwritten poem
and there the verses flow
   to be embraced
     by the creative
       to be appreciated
by people
   like me.

lying next to you
i breathe in your scent
it is yours
and it brings you to me
even when you are long gone

holding your hand
i feel your pulse
it vibrates through you
into me
even when you are long gone

kissing you
i feel your passion
it envelopes me
turns me on
even when you are long gone

looking into your eyes
i see your love for me
filling me
enrapturing me
even when you are long gone

i wonder, will you remember me
even when i am long gone?

looking back and forth
from you
   to her
     to them
        & the others
and i wonder...
who of you are sincere
which of you go home in complete & utter contentment?

   you...
wearing plastic smiles
             coifed hair
      painted eyes
   and lips
             gelled
     sprayed
          sprinkled &  spritzed
                   iron out
     blown out
      shaken & tousled
for what?

to add to the alcohol induced facade
   of the similar?

no, i am not unique

i'm just better at showing what's real
than most.

the mentally unstable
live contented lives
     while trapped in their own minds

medicate them
fill them with therapy

and you're left with another clone
to ruin society.

the imagined perfection
of what i'd assume to be
was blown to pieces by one word

*******

this world
my world
is filled with hope

gooey eyes
look up and beyond
with a hurtful yearning
searching for the unseen
and the unimaginable
grasping every
last
sliver
of what
might be

the weakened mind
hallucinates
sways to the beat of
a drum
only heard
by one

and when rested eyes
spring open
the hope
   the positiveness
is desperately
forcing it's way
through
to show the world
how happy
one can be

although within a slowly beating heart
the truth is heard

and felt.

i crave
a strong chest
to lay my head upon
comforting arms
wrapped around me
eyes that meet mine
with glassy certainty
a home against a body
that fits snuggly into mine
no assumptions
no questions
no sleepless nights
just something
that's us.

a crevice carved
deep within
cutting through
the unnecessary
hacking away
at the undesirable
pieces
of things
unneeded
unwanted
but still
there

why?

the scrambled thoughts
i've organized
have urged me
to be rid of
to toss aside
this garbage
that fills my thoughts
fills my mind
consumes my head
with
darkness

an unseen truth
yet a suffocating
existence
of what is real

this unhappiness
this unsettlement
a wavering reality
of
discontentment

and it cannot
or it will not
leave me

and so
i live my life
nodding
smiling
urging those around me
to embrace
to love
to feel utterly fulfilled
in an envelope of plastic
that cannot
be
real

but that which
is a totally acceptable
form of
life.

skimming a rock
across the waters
fills me with
melancholy thoughts
and youthful memories
of happier days

unhindered laughter
innocent crushes
bare feet
swimsuits
wet hair
freckled faces
long walks
   longer talks
innocent kisses
opened dreams

oh, to soak my mind
with adolescence
to free my barbed thinking
   and instead
fill my head with innocence
once again

inexperience breeds
an unbridled
exploration.

i float with the wind
gathering up lost blooms
blown free from the flowers below

hugging them close to my heart
inhaling deeply the scent
of pure unadulterated beauty

billowing towards earth
landing softly
onto a golden field
of natures supreme
feeling a love of life
that fills me
with a peaceful consciousness

a solid rain
washing, purifying
presenting a chance
for a new start
standing in the downpour
looking up
embracing the baptism
wishing
believing
for a chance
to start again.

the hopeful shuffling
of the unfortunate
poses the question

why?

living
but
not being

alive
but my brain is fogged
by the unending
pounding
of what should be

books quoted

sermons rehearsed

eyes that try
and intimidate me
into believing
that, which cannot possibly
be

i'm better alone with my thoughts

leave me

with my own assumptions

do not
shatter my happiness

let me clear my head
with what i know is true.

the realization
that i've finally gotten
what i thought i wanted
leaves me desperate
to have
what i thought
i didn't need.

why won't you leave my head?
like a song spinning round and round
the words akimbo, twisted, distorted,
senseless
and annoying
oh, so annoying...
because it's beyond my grasp
distressing me
because i cannot make it stop
you...you...you
over and over
your smile
your scent
your touch
i don't know you
barely remember you
but can't forget you
is it because you awakened in me
a hunger i had thought i'd lost?
opening my eyes
to rediscover the woman
i know i am?

yes
simply, yes

*sometimes it's a good thing to be a little mixed up in the head

maybe
i should've given you
a second chance

why do i embrace solitude
so much
why is it i crave to be alone
why is friendship a hassle
and partners annoying
why does family aggravate me
and children make me scowl
is this a sad existence
for one person
   for me
was i born to be one
a soul survivor
alone
but not lonely
by myself
but enjoying the company
or is it selfish of me
for not wanting to try
and accomodate

being dragged through the mud
by somebody you don't care about
sometimes causes greater pain
then if it were done
by someone you love

focused on the ceiling
while lying in bed
crazy thoughts
fill my head

do i feel right
were my intentions true
or were my reasons selfish
when it comes to you

do i ignore the nagging
in my brain
that things ain't kosher
and i'm to blame

i've lied, i've cheated
with no remorse
just to be with you
which made it ok, of course

but now my thoughts are cloudy
i'm questioning my actions
was it worth all that
for a little satisfaction

'cuz now you're gone
probably forever
so all that impropriety
was for nothing...

whatever.

i don't have the convenience
of acceptance
too many questions
fill my head
dissection of a common assumption
is a necessity
and in the end
i am more confused
then ever.

the rain outside my window
grabs my attention
and lifts me
to the places
of my dreams.

gloominess and rain
dark clouds, wet streets
the drip dripping of drops
heard beyond my window
this brings me comfort
this soothes my soul

you're in my head so much
i don't know if i'm living my life
or yours

hey
when you walk past me
pull my chain
see if i react
if i do
that means you have touched me
not in a good way, mind you
but you have definitely touched me

breathing in the energy
of this new day
helps bring me closer
to the happiness
i've been longing for
always

feeling alone
in a world
filled with greens
and blues
distant seas
beckon me
the wind tossed
branches of trees
whisper gently to me
i yearn
for the comforting arms
of a positive world
but my heart cries
in vain
any response
is silenced
and the suffocating aloneness
proves inescapable
as the days
drip by.

the wind blows grey clouds
past my window
blocking my view
                     of you
by the time they disperse
all that's left
are footprints in the mud
and a wisp of smoke
from where you were standing

my eyes told me you were real
but my mind questions this

but all i have as proof
is a muddy footprint
                  and smoke up my ***.

such a shame.

i wish to be buoyant
   like a tree
moving gracefully with the wind
   of my unsettling thoughts
letting the leaves of my worry
   fall to the ground
     dead and soon forgotten
to have buds of newness
spring forth and blossom
   in a natural birth
i'll embrace the calm of the earth
letting the sun hug me with it's warmth
   offering me a fresh start.

a blended atmosphere
of love and hate
surrounds me
sometimes suffocating
sometimes freeing
my mind twirls
with feelings
of hopelessness
and want
need
and appreciation

and indifference

i wish i cared more
i wish i loved more
i wish i needed more

a cement block
can only be broken
with force

i search for that force
to break me

free.

boys, girls
   boys, boys
   girls, girls
this and that
not forgetting the other
coming together
   squeezing
   holding on
                      desperately
wanting
needing
trying to become
   whole

forgetting

that all you need
is
   right
            here.

do you know
i think of you
in my saddest moments
bittersweet memories
fill my head

but i feel no comfort
with these thoughts of you
only reminders
of where my sadness
was planted.

to become whole
i must become
    empty

to live in purity
i must cleanse my soul
of suffocating thoughts
   to be swept away
and replaced with
        the truth
           of heart gripping love

the love that surrounds me
has been suppressed
   quieted
       muffled
i will allow it
a voice
so it can sing to me
a song of beauty
           and peace
while offering me a chance
               at pure happiness.

i use your words
as a bandage
encircling my heart
trying to hold together
what little is left
     of love

        but

the anguish
and bitterness
have torn apart
any semblance of healing

and no words
or kind expressions
can mend something
with pieces missing.