there's a void
in my soul
that i cannot
fill
the harder
i try
the emptier
i become
the emptier
i become
the more vacant
i seem
there is no one
not one
person
who understands
me
who sees
me
for what
who
i am
and it aches
me
knowing
my destiny

is to be
alone.

i coax my body
to keep very still
to listen
i drink in
the noises
of the night
a dog barks
a train whistles
a car screeches
to a stop
sometimes
a soul cries
trying to be silent
but the quiet night
betrays her
drunken laughter
skims the streets
my own imagined
stories
giving life
to what i hear
and i think
there is
life
out there
somewhere
within range
of my own ears
and i listen
to the night
imaging purpose
of others
besides
myself.

grabbing a handful
of old photos
glancing
i remember times
of true happiness
                      sadness
of doubt
and pain
of self loathing
and hurt

i remember
not being good enough
settling
trying too hard
trying too little
blaming the wrong people
loving the wrong person

but you
you were my
one
true
truth

you gave my life
meaning

you made me
strong

you made me
laugh
and then
cry
   with feelings of
undying love
with feelings of
not being good enough
with feelings of
failure
with you

but
you've proved
me
wrong

you are perfect
to me

you give love

you are good

you are
me.

and she will be
you.

i am surrounded
by wounded spirits
protected by a veil
of hypocrisy.

tiny hand
in mine
pulsating
with trust
love
your eyes are clear
they see me
and i see you
and we connect
we are attached
not a word spoken
just the piercing
of our eyes
reaching
committing
   i will
always hold you
lift you
comfort
and encourage you
when you can't count on others
you can count on me.

in a room
full of people
i gaze into eyes
trying to find
the one set
that is real.

the delusion starts
with the first gasp
of breath
being lead
with promises
false hopes
distorted possibilities
of a good
life
initiated love
sometimes ends
sometimes grows
into resentment
hatred
and the balloon
of life
pops
pieces
fall to the ground
being swept away
by the breath
of mere
existence
struggling
trying
so hard
to start over
looking
yearning
needing
    that first breath
to start clean
untouched
unbiased
unaware
but filled
with endless possibilities
of good
with the mind of an
innocent
who not knows
of bad

yet.