a crevice carved
deep within
cutting through
the unnecessary
hacking away
at the undesirable
pieces
of things
unneeded
unwanted
but still
there

why?

the scrambled thoughts
i've organized
have urged me
to be rid of
to toss aside
this garbage
that fills my thoughts
fills my mind
consumes my head
with
darkness

an unseen truth
yet a suffocating
existence
of what is real

this unhappiness
this unsettlement
a wavering reality
of
discontentment

and it cannot
or it will not
leave me

and so
i live my life
nodding
smiling
urging those around me
to embrace
to love
to feel utterly fulfilled
in an envelope of plastic
that cannot
be
real

but that which
is a totally acceptable
form of
life.

a light shines
and it's coming from you
what i thought of as dull
is illuminated
because of your presence
your smile
awakens me
your laughter
brings forth a smile
the conversation that pours from you
fills the room
with comfort
an easiness
flows from you
like honey from a comb
and it works
   it fits
       you fit
and my heart bursts
for you are love
you are peace
and from deep within me
you extract
happiness.

you will move
among fields of grain
your limbs craving
the soft touch
of whispered grasses

you will dance
the dance of unbridled
happiness and enraptured joy
closing your eyes
to an imagined peacefulness

love surrounds you

peace reaches for you

you ache to be fulfilled
harmonized
sustained
within a fortress
of unblemished
union

movements smooth
objective solidified
freedom from interference

obtained.

plunging into despair
the grip weakens me
from the inside
out
all hope
i've gathered
evaporates
with pokes
of insecurity
and thoughts
of helplessness
the height i've gained
is slowly being pulled
downward
into a slouching mass
of indescribable
sadness

i fight

but the continued losses
brings in me
an indescribable
hopelessness

i'm known
only to me
i've faked
introduced
established
convinced
and allowed
a false persona
to shine
those who know me
don't
those who wish to
won't
i've struggled
to accept
the inevitable
that the me
i depict
contradicts
the me
i ache for.

you are the breath i crave
on lonely days
when desperation
suffocates my very soul

your embrace
warms me
the feelings of hopelessness
slowly draining
while i am filled
with temporary
ease

when i shake
you calm
when i cry
you soothe
when i feel alone
i think of you
and i dream
of love

and this love
the only love
in the purest of forms
cradles me
and lulls me into believing

i'm going to be
ok.

she: what is it about me?
he: what do you mean?
she: me...?
he: uh...
she: what don't i have?
he: uh...
she: i'm overweight...
he: um...
she: i'm unattractive
he: what?...
she: i'm boring
he: no...
she: i'm dumb
he: uh, well....
she: i give up
he: well, i....
she: nope, that's it, i give up
he: oh, come on...
she: quit trying to talk me out of it
he: i was only...
she: i'm done, good bye
he: wait, what, where are you...
she: have a good life
          he:.....
he:....
he: what about dinner?