in my darkest moments
a poem pops
words twirl
in my brain
pushing
throbbing
willing me
to expel
fingers to keys
thoughts exploding
dark
darker
darkest
melodramatic
melancholy
mediocre
th­oughts
based on a
monochromatic
life
that only the
mundane
may find
interesting

or so it seems.

belonging
then not
being swallowed
by a sea of emotion
then
drifting
bobbing
my eyes are closed
to what surrounds
me
i don't want to know
where i am
who has beckoned me
what has
disrupted my thoughts
i struggle to paddle back
fighting the current
suffering
tortured
to return
to the place
i feel the most
at home
safe

by myself
alone
i am comforted
embraced
by solitude

solitude.

coaxed towards
undesirable territory
she follows
playing along
wondering
curious
realizing
astonished

the fingers are pointed
at her
accusing eyes
bewildered faces
exclamations of
it was you!

thoughts of explanation
bubble towards
her lips
but she hesitates
   holding herself
looking towards
the one
she thought she knew
knowing
she has been
betrayed
and the words
choke
in her throat
for she knows
whatever explanation
whatever truth
she may bring forth
   isn't enough
to convince
the
ignorant.

don't tempt me
with a fate
that is not yours
to give.

will you go
oh, poet
of poetry
so well written
giving in to
the expectance
of society
declaring love
so marketable
and selling yourself
short
for the honor
of having
a
fat
wallet
?

treachery
of the human heart
has no
bounds
its grip
   vicelike
     suffocating
causing injury
past the last
breath
of surrender

expendable desire
ignites
the flames
of desperation
glorifying
in the agony
of the intended

your want
   it's need
begging
scratching
devouring
until that one
last
morsel
of
hope

is found

and the soothing grip
of factitious
affection
lulls you

once again

into imagined
harmony
and hooked on a
blissful
state
of forged
devotion.

there's a void
in my soul
that i cannot
fill
the harder
i try
the emptier
i become
the emptier
i become
the more vacant
i seem
there is no one
not one
person
who understands
me
who sees
me
for what
who
i am
and it aches
me
knowing
my destiny

is to be
alone.