i will always associate back flips
with my first "boyfriend" in the third
grade who has probably now grown
up to be the type of guy who takes
pictures of himself shirtless in the bathroom
mirror and tells his girlfriend that she's pretty
but not quite as pretty as he is.

i will always associate playgrounds
with my elementary school sweetheart
and hearing my favorite love song and
him walking five steps behind and defending
me when he thought i needed it.

i will always associate the rain
with wet tables and standing up
and laughing with friends and talking
and being wrapped in someone's arms
for the very first time and hearing "i missed you."

i will always associate "almosts" with the guy
i never really realized i wanted until it was too late
and seeing him walk around holding the hand of the
girl who wanted him when i didn't and seeing him kiss
her the way he wanted to kiss me once upon a time
and with ******* up really really irreparably bad this time.

i will always associate short time periods with the two weeks
when i belonged to someone I never expected to want,
when he kissed me like i mattered,
when he held me as though he would never let go
and then told me we should "take a break" and
come back to us when the "time was right."

and i will always associate happiness with these times
when i was loved and wanted and needed for just a little while
and believing for just a moment that i was special.

and you know what else?

i will always associate failure with the entrance of something better
i will associate failure with a narrow escape because if it were meant
for me to have then i would have had it but it's not so i don't.

i will always associate life with beautiful complications.

It was my father who left me,
To discover a place of his own,
Lonely, but dishearten I felt,
For a place called “unknown.”
Baffled was I,
As to why he suddenly left me,
I trembled alone in fear,
Was I a goner soon to be?
Where have my hopes gone?
Withered away to stone,
Leaving nothing but the past,
For a place called, “unknown.”
Why do I feel resentment?
My father had a horrifying tone,
Had left me heartbroken,
For a place called, “unknown.”
My heart beats like thunder,
As I shiver to the bone,
My father ruined me,
For a place called, “unknown.”
Where will I go from here?
Too much my father had shown,
A martyr my father will always be,
For a place called, “unknown.”

The time spent thinking of you,
Is endless every day,
You stole my heart rapidly,
I feel grateful to this day.
Occupying myself works best,
When I’m struggling alone,
You are my whole life now,
You have gracefully shown.
My love for you is as high as the sun,
As clear as the sea,
As visible as light,
As close as we can be.
You help me to see,
That we are a whole,
That I’m not broken,
That we’re in control.
I keep feeling love for you,
Where our fate lies ahead,
I’m bound to fall hard for you,
I might tell it to you instead.
Our love exceeds a thousand miles,
Romantic as a glass of wine,
As we learn and laugh endlessly,
Is when I see us shine.
Sweet o’ valentine,
I love you ever more,
Sweet o’ valentine,
Look at us soar.
Beyond the barbed wire and gate,
I see a shadow of only two,
Inseparable and complete,
For Zach, I truly love you.
I can tell you just how I feel,
Not only from a work of art,
Not just through words,
But through my beating heart.

i think i just
fell in love
with a boy named drew
on total accident
oops

Cycled home after Mr Edward’s class
His stern face still vivid in my memory
Placed the end of term report card
On the dining table
Lost my appetite I hid in my room
Miserable....
mom and dad would be so angry
Dad called “ Christopher” my name as expected
He frowned he wasn’t looking so glad
Mom looked worried as she sat
Across the table...
Upset ...
“My intelligent boy,”
she said as she hugged me
What do you really want to be?
Extremely mad , dad told me to improve
And gave me a serious threat
“No more camping in the Summer for you”
My heart sanked, I shrugged and left
My angry dad, a manager of a shoe factory
Not at all an inspring job for me
I asked myself so repeatedly,
Am I meaningful to this world?
wish I could make my parents happy,
but it seems to be beyond me
school is a bore  and classes are dull...
In Aylesworth Forest.....
Let me solve the puzzle....

Maybe he doesn't want to break my heart,
Already knowing,
That he lost interest in me,
Not too long ago.