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al Jul 23
27 years it took her to realize she wasn't alone;
she had herself.
But who was she? She felt more.
So she left. Alone like an iceberg, she was drifting away to thaw from her past. But once she found herself, she was far from solus.
She felt it. She could feel them. One was cold like it never got a chance to melt away the anger. One was warm, like a hug from a mother. Then there's herself. But is I the real me?
The cold one. The one who is always right can sense the impending doom of what is inevitable.
They call her mad.
The warm one. The one who drowned her sorrow in an unforgiving culture that slowly grabbed her legs and dragged her underneath the waves.
They call her a loony.
Did you know we can't feel wet? We can only feel temperature and pressure.
So, she feels pressure. She can feel the temperature bouncing from cold to warm, giving a sense of chaos. The same feeling she felt fighting to find out who she was.
The tide tore her into three.
So alas there is one who is kind, compassionate, and benevolent. They call her me.
al Aug 2023
She strips to her skin and bones
The hairs stand up on her neck
Shocked by her reflection
Facing a ***** mirror
Her collarbones seeping through her pale cold skin suddenly she doesn’t recognize herself
She looks down
And the blood starts pumping again
She looks up
Who was this goddess standing before her? She merely thought it was a reflection of god
So
She looks down
Brooding herself,peeling her skin exposing the nerves
The same nerves that couldn’t stop feasting on the abandon hope of the future
The same nerves with the myelin sheath that she couldn’t control
Exposing the tissue she so desperately wanted to cut off
But then she looks up
She breathes in embracing the goddess within
her past and future merge in the mirror's grin
al Jul 2023
the skin against her silhouette varnishes her body covering the thoughts from becoming.

words that sting like wasps
she welcomes the pain

preventing the sharp glass against her veins
al Jul 2023
my thoughts suppress watching you,
watch me get undressed.
lust is my muse
when you use me,
you're using me.
al Jul 2023
the light grew around me but never touched me. the same thing happened with your love.
al Sep 2018
This ADHD
Is a part of me
I'm sorry my disorder
Keeps me out of order
I try my hardest
I promise I am not a narcist
It’s hard for me to concentrate
I just can't think straight
These words all look the same
That's just my brain
I'm sorry I'm really trying
Even when I feel like crying
I just can't seem to understand
Things don't usually go as planned
I'm really not a hoarder
This is just my disorder
al Aug 2018
i'm falling in love with a version of myself i do not recognize
who is this goddess standing before me?
i merely thought it was you in a different form, but its me
after all this time i finally see my worth

but i still see you in me
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