a writer
is a sum
of their experiences
and feelings

the man said

his eyes hidden
and burnt

by the sun

how can i write
if i feel

nothing?

tell me again
how easy it is
to pretend to be
the sky
when the rain
keeps coming back
to me

i would rather
you **** me
than make love to me
it has to hurt
less

you roll up
the stars
of the night sky
and look surprised
when you can't see them
through the smoke

won't you stay
a little bit longer
he asks her
his fingers
wrapped around her wrist

she shakes her head
moves away
the night is over
and she can't help
but feel cold

this is what it takes

late nights
with no sleep

being able to
want it with you

unable to have it
without you

it is easy for you to lose me
when you have never had me

why do we laugh sometimes
when we don't mean to
and say words
that we immediately wish
hadn't spilled
from our lips?

why do we smile
when we really needn't
and why are we kind
to the people
who must be the most
unkind?

why do we pretend
everything is okay
when it's not
and try to ignite
our shadows
before they consume
someone else's light
just as important
as our own

why do we agree
when our soul screams at us
to stop
and keep silent
when we should be
the loudest?

why do we keep letting
honesty
be the lie
we avoid

i can't stop i can't stop
hands against my face
laughing
i can't stop

please stop
sobs
moving my hands away
wet palms; wet tracks down my cheeks
hands against your lips; hands over your eyes
pulling; following
into sunlight
into a black shadow
stop; no. stay
a mouth on the curve of my neck, against mine
want
leave
want
just stay

running; running barefoot; with shoes
feeling stones of the shore
sharp
dew laden grass
i hear your footfalls on the wooden floor
behind me
behind me
you are in front of me when i turn around
stop
just listen
covering my ears
my eyes
its a surprise

waves crashing
broken
it's broken
your eyes are broken
and sad
leave. leave. leave
your voice mounting
it's mounting
dropping to a whisper
i only hear love
love
laughing
it's true
all lies are

finding you
found underneath you
laughing
crying
weeping alone
next to an unmade bed
where are the lights?
hold me hold me
let me go
you make me safe

i can't write about you
because i love you
too much

(maybe
this poem makes it
a lie.)

press your fingers
to my eyes

i can't see anything
when i'm around you
anyway

you keep saying
that i'm like the moonlight
and expecting me
to rhyme
with the stars
when you kiss me
in the rain
in the dark
in front of a moving train

one day you will wake up
and see me
asleep next to you

lost in my dreams
when i am asleep
lost in my thought
when i am awake

one day you will wake up
and see my reflection
in the mirror
you will see my sadness
before i can hide it

one day you will wake up
and you will look up
to see me talking
to the wind
telling all my secrets to the trees

one day you will wake up
and feel how cold
my skin
can really be
against your safe warmth
drop my hand
in fright

one day you will wake up
and the feeling you thought
was love
will disappear like the tide
swirling at our feet

one day you will wake up
and see how far i have gone

one day you will wake up
and we will be done.

forgive me
i am afraid of honesty

pale
and white
transparent
like the lace
entwined in my hair
wrapped around
your fingers

'love me'
i say i do
without saying anything
and shadows
fall
on the floral pattern
that you move up from my knees

preceding
your hungry lips

you swear to be
a conisseur
and say that taste
of vanilla
and lilies
are proof alone
of my innocence

how is it possible
Fading Light,
that your words
are honest
to you
and a lie to me

I hate to
Love you

I have been writing a story
And I know the end
But I can’t write it
Because he dies

I dream about you
And then I wake up
And weep

Wrapping my hair in his fist
Reading my eyes
Like a treasure map to my soul
He can tell
When I lie
Before I do
Murmurs how he doesn't understand

I don't know
What is making me heart race
If it's not the emptiness
In his kiss

i was the lie
you would whisper
to the night
the fairytale
you would tell the storm
as it crashed into the sea

i was the prediction
you made
with a joint
in your calloused fingers
inhale
a punch to the chest
exhale
sleepy eyes
and words
so soft
that the roots dug deeper
just to hear

i was the poem
you murmured
to your lover
stamps of red lipstick
on the curve of your jawline
as you memorized the outline
she made
underneath the twisted sheets

i was the story you told
to make him feel fear
to make her feel braver
to make him jump
to make her land
and the wind
lose hope
in mankind

i was the legend
you screamed
at the men
slamming spears
into their shields
(little did they know
it was
the sound of their heart beat
that was so loud
little did they know
in just a short while
after the end
it would go)

i was the song
you sung
about the girl with the green eyes
to the girl with the brown eyes
tainted
so strongly with dishonesty
that a star
fell
(she made a wish on it
but it wasn't for you)

i was the word
you swore had no definition
until it fell on your lap
white
and breaking
like the sea

i was the letter
saying good bye
john
i couldn't...
(she didn't)

i was the phone call
in the evening
breaking a heart
making reality
take a man
away
from the shadows of the trees

and i'm not even sorry

fix me
before the breaks in my heart
get wider