trace
the emptiness of my skin
constellations
connected to the changing
ocean in my eyes
it looks away

roam
your calm eyes
over me
my still form
moving in happiness
when i am sad
see the rain
in my eyes
the way it looks away

twirl
a strand of my hair
in between your finger tips
whisper
to me
of it's silkiness
i will pretend nothing
a storm in my eyes
looking away

taste
my lips against yours
seasoned
by the cool setting sun of autumn
my eyes
ignited gold
my the rays
look away

do you notice
my eyes
after you tell me
over and over
how beautiful
they are

just agree with me
frowning
shallow words
orange
purple
i begin to dislike
these colours

i only reserve hate
for the things i love

stop it
you stopped caring
you notice me
the way you want me
to be
perfect
small
emancipating

heaviness
sadness
you say
i worry too much

you protect me
too much
your ears covered
already
cover your eyes too

It was so easy
When we were alone

The lights would lie
Like bright shadows
Stained pink
At the horizon
Heavy in the sky

You would hold me
To you
Watching my thoughts
Flicker
While I would feel your heart beat
Behind me
Slow

When you spoke
You read
Of a fairy tale
With the only ending
We could imagine
Happy
It was what we had been taught

We were happy alone
You were happy with me
I was sad with you
But they cancelled each other out
A little bit
Scraped apart
It made us
It made us
Who we were

When we were alone
You had me
Almost all of me
Convinced that there were only two to a world

There are not
There is a much greater number
One

it's not okay
anymore
and nothing that you say
counts

do you like the way
your emptiness feels

fingertips
tracing
fragile glass jars
empty
on the windowsill

your eyes look at me
from them
empty
like the echo
of what you thought
empty like my heart

the question
hangs between us
and i nod my head
yes
before i can shake it
no

You look at me
With eyes melting
The colour of dry grass
Golden
Pale
In the winter

Questions
Form
Evaporate like mist
From your lips

I see them moving
In hope
And sorrow
Coinciding with your soul
But I can’t
Say anything

You listen
You don't listen
Do you

Whisper
The words you hate to say
I will nod
And smile
And you will
Never notice
Darkness
Tainting them

Your words
Stopped making sense
Weeks ago
And I'm sick
Of your rhyming
aa bb aa
a b a b a

Repetition
Leave me
It's easier
To believe in a dishonesty
When you hear it
Over and over

empty casings
lie beside
empty bodies

tell me
where the souls go
the ones that disappear
every second
the ones
whose shadows
lie red
smeared
forgetting
on the road

keep my eyes
on their echoes
i am too afraid
to contemplate
the infinity
after

i am brave enough
to contemplate
the lack
of eternity
that reaches me
before forever

Don't tell me that you're scared
When you have been so brave
All along

Frightening
Terrifying
Black and white
Photographs
And words

Collide
With  my thoughts
Collide
With my feelings
Make me stop believing
In everything

It's more difficult
To live this way
It's easier
To live this way

Is it okay
To believe in a lie
If it's true

****  
Don't look so surprised
**** **** ****
The words you say
A dozen times a day
Surprises you
When the fall out of my mouth
Staining my lips
Dark red

Disbelief
This isn't anything you have done
I have a dark conscience
I'm not only
Good and Kind
Loving
Gentle and sweet
Nice
Polite and confined

****
The word you barely notice
Explodes
When it comes from me
Try shove it back
Down my throat
With disappointment
Heavy
In your eyes
Did I ever
Do that to you?

Cover my eyes
Don't let me see
The things I already have
Try protect me
Save my innocence
My fragility
It's too late
I still breathe
And I will
Utter
Every word
Into the softness
Of my pillow
If I have to

You say
I'm being difficult
Was being nice
Too easy for you
What you expected
Too easy to be shattered

You thought
That only whiteness
Was me
I'm sorry
For not being sorry
Anymore

what do i believe in
god
is it you
the feeling of your absence

fate
falling away
clouded by a thousand lies
revealed
by a dozen reasons

break my heart
i have ceased
to believe
in the four letter word
that comes rushing out your lips

your soul echoes
at the curve of my wrist

tired
eyes
warm
making my heart
beat a little bit faster
a little bit slower

a slow smile
as if you can tell
the story
of each wing
of the butterflies
moving inside of me
their speed
what it takes
to be captured

i smile
and look away
and when i look back
you are already there

this is our goodbye
kiss my fingers
the way you're used to
gentle
a smile
against the tips
barely there

this is our goodbye
hold me
in safety
about to stand from a fall
that made the stars
fall
and burn
our eyes

this is our goodbye
whisper
into my hair
how much you want me
everything you're going to do to me
send shivers
up my spine

this is our goodbye
do everything
you murmured
into my ear
underneath the black
filling
sky

this is our goodbye
our love
ending
with the absence
of the word
rhyming with never

this is our goodbye
i don't suppose
that i should have
loved you

You still smile at me
After our togetherness
Has gone

You still call
And stop by
Asking me
Over
And over
To be
Again

I know
The reader of a thousand books
With heart breaking
Endings
How this will end

I know you
The watcher of a hundred
Romantic
Love- cliche films
Do not

Stay in your innocence
It is your safety
To a danger
You are not aware of

We do not end up
Together
Again

tired eyes
fingers
tapping
typing

a train
rattling the window panes
he swears
the vibration
makes the cracks
get wider

a drag
of greyness
heavy
taking life
out of his lungs

an empty page
the key of his type writer
held down
all at once

confused
rain
splattering
what's wrong with the sky
when it's blue

grinding
the joint
a bird's call
making him miss
his cat

he longs for turmoil
he longs for piece
he gets neither

he watched the sun
the way she watched the moon

grey sadness
longing for
warmth
to heat his skin

pale golden clarity
missing the greyness
cool
across her skin

won't you stay
he would whisper
watching the sunset
won't you hasten
she would murmur
watching the sunset

i wish you would leave
he would
tell the moon
never leave me
she would
implore the night

then one day
as the moon
bathed in the pale
flickering sunlight
he stumbled across
a sleeping figure
and she was awaken
by man's clumsiness

i'm so sorry
he said
i forgive you
she said
voices
mixing in unison
the sunlight
the moon
hovered together
for a second
before they fell apart

footsteps
receding
leaving
left and right
forever
will never be the same again

I watched his eyes
Fall downwards
Like ocean coloured rain
Sadness
And beauty

My heart hangs
At the sound of his sigh
At his absent smile

His fingers
Entwined carelessly
At my fingertips
Feel warm
And cold
At the same time
And I don't know
What that means

if i'm the rain
won't you be the wave
i can't stay away from
when the clouds
crack

if i'm the shore
won't you be the wave
wanting me
but just too afraid
to consume the whole of me

if i'm the strike of lightening
won;t you be the wave
i just miss
from striking

if i'm a part of the infinite sky
won't you be the endless wave
always forming
at the ankles
of my shadow
having a taste
of what we could have been

if we weren't so far apart
the sky
and the sea

Do you know of the one thing
I fear
The three words I loathe to hear
Falling from your lips?

I hold my finger
Over
What you kiss me with
When you begin to
Say '....'

I hold my palm
When it's not enough
And your eyes
Laugh
With your throat
Sending shivers
Up my arm

You think I'm joking
That I'm only playing
But I don't think
That I would be able to stay
Once those
Three words
I distrust
Come tumbling through
The gaps between my fingers
That fit into yours
Perfectly

"I love you"
A tainted line
I don't want to
Hear it
From someone
As wonderful
As you

i feel his weight over me
heavy
smothering

his hands roaming
moving
smoke in his hair
kissing my neck

i think of you

see him smiling
drunk
across the room
reddened eyes
watching
waiting for me

i think of you

his hands
holding my wrist
tightly
wanting
whispered slurs
'just one night'
he says

i think of you

isn't it strange
how the heroine is blamed for her beauty
when she does not notice the jester

were it not for her beauty
he would
have not noticed her

you must have cried
at the sight
of all the trees
breaking
at the impact of his words
against your heart

i drown in despair
my hand in yours

i feel your pulse
against my skin
like a starting gun

i need to run away

The space
Between us
Grows wider
When you pull me closer

Your eyes
Like your soul
Are too tired
To catch my own
You catch my hand
Instead
In your own
Isn't that just so much easier..?

I am a contradiction
But I am not

I am shadowed
By a cloud of mystery
My intentions
Are as clear as glass

My soul
Is captured and dark
My soul
Is pale and free

I believe in the things
That don't make sense
I don't believe in the things
That do

I find my heart
A tide of feelings
And then empty
At the next heart beat

I believe in love
And being ruined by its power
I doubt its existence
And demand happiness and freedom
In its stead

I want all the words
Rhyming with reason
The meanings
Echoed in my favourite words
Defy logic
Exclusively

I savour
The feeling of a shattered heart
Held against a stilling chest
The knowledge it brings
I demand
With avid recklessness
The happiness I remember
Before
After
It comes
Longing for the knowledge
Of my tear's absence

I am broken
I am not
I disagree with my soul

if you won't love me
then please hate me

i don't want
your indifference

it would be a complement
to be hated by you

The sunlight flashes over me
Reflected by the swinging  window
Moving in the breeze

Please
Stay still
Over me

I want you to go

will you miss me
when i am swept away by the winds of autumn
cracking
between the leaves?

will you miss me
when i am flung
over the dreading sea
frozen
in time
until the sun
leaves?

will you miss me
when i am stolen by the moon
just before you wake
a while before you sleep?

will you miss me
the last note of your favourite song
if suddenly
i am no longer there?

will you miss me
the answer
to your favourite question
whispered into your cool neck
in a moment
becoming a  blur

will you miss me

I stumbled upon the shadow
Of your last words
They were black
Sad
And free

I watched them flutter
In the space of sky
That was once above you
Now beside you
Like the butterflies
You would catch
In a jar

The words
The last ones
To leave your lips
Were haunted
By the clear cage
They were about to enter
They were as loud as a scream
And as quiet as silence

I watched them
Heard them
Kissed them
In my calloused palms
And wished
I was still yours
Forever

it's just that i love you
it's just that i don't
won't you forgive me
if my indifference
turns into hate?

What if the last words we spoke
Are left like a shadow
Above our still lips
Our absent lips

And others
Of us
Stumble upon them
In their morbidity
In their peace
And scrawl them
Onto pages
With a trembling pen
In trembling  hands

Drowning
With the sorrow of your shadowed
Words
Hung still
For eternity

if i told you
that i loved you
would you stay
or would you leave

the moon hangs
so heavily
over your dark hair
eyes lit up
by the halo
of the tides'

i don't want to forget
the feeling
of your fingertips
or your lips
searing the curve
of my neck

when you smile
my heart is flung
into an empty sky
it shatters
and you pull me
closer
as we watch
it
the rain
staining the edges
of our window panes

there were things of you
that saved me
and things of you
that broke me
but it was the architecture
of your bones
that ended me
over
and over

he thinks that i have found you
when my eyes meet his

he thinks i have fallen in love with you
when i tell him
i'm falling

he thinks he meets your eyes
when he looks at himself
in the mirror
smiling
looking over his shoulder at me
pretending to be sleeping

he thinks i hold your hand
when i am holding his
and that you kiss it
in the moment he presses his lips
to my skin

how do i tell him
that he isn't you
the one with ink staining his fingertips
holding me
his books
torn
underlined paragraphs
falling apart
on my lap

how do i tell him
that the butterflies i have
when i see him
are for him
but not for you

how do i tell him
that his love
beautiful
is not mine
and the heart
he thinks
i hold
is the one i slipped back into his chest
while he was sleeping..

it is too dark
for me to say anything
but the words you want me to

he looks at me
i don't know
what to say

eyes haunted
wanting a word
to be pressed
into his hand
the one that will give him hope
the one that will save him

cruelty
falls as a shadow
over his knees
his head
cowering shoulders
bruises
make a tattoo
rope
his captor

held by the man
with a gun
held to his skull
aching

i see his eyes
haunted
haunting me
held captured
in a photograph
black
and white
held captured
by time
and war
uncertainty

a word falls
before i can grab it
onto the dirt
heavy with the footsteps
of your oppressors
new
i wish
i could have saved you

I don't finish reading
The nicest poems

The spaces in my mind
Empty
Become so beautiful
With so few words

If I were to finish
Each line
I would lose my heart
My soul
And my mind

I'd rather be left
Hanging
Than falling
With a real ending

How do you capture
A song
In the wind
Asked the little girl
Beneath the cherry tree

She held the ocean
In her eyes
A reflection of the sky
Its darkness
And its light
Surrounded by the feathers
Of each bird
In flight

How do you sing
To the waves
A payment
For them to allow you
To breathe
Above their surface?

She flung these questions
Tied onto a pebble
Into the river
That ran
Tied to her floating soul

How do you fall in love
She wrote
Finally
Too late
When she was old

Wearing a wedding ring
That began to slip
Off of her pale knuckles
Magnetized
To the soul
She once had
Breaking at the rapids

never trust a writer
because their words
flung into the air
in a whisper
a scream
or dropped
scrawled
in silence
on the emptiness
of a forgotten stillhouette
has the power
to lead you astray

never trust a writer
because they find beauty
in everything
especially sadness
amd the grey
grey sky
that falls at your feet
along the shadow
of your heart
the one you beg
for them to break
to make you
whole

never trust a writer
because they don't always
trust the words
that tumble from their own
perfect lips
they say them for
their beauty
in the sound
in the silence
they say them
for the way they rhyme
with 'forever'

never trust a writer
because he can capture
your soul
with just a look
holding you
the entire universe
and all eternity

never trust a writer
because they may talk
awake
but they dream with their eyes
open
and closed
simultaneously
and you can never
be sure
which character they have chosen
for you
which character
they have chosen to be
to you

never trust a writer
because their emotions
not always visible
always
consume them
like a strike of lightening
cold
burning
inside

never trust a writer
because they always
know
what you want to hear
and what they really
want to say

never trust a writer
because their knowledge of love
is as infinite
as the emptiness
in the black sky
stars
moments of clarity
that create an atlas
of who
they fall for

never trust a writer
because normal in life
is never normal
in their dreams
and they always
last longer

never trust a writer
because 'I'll love you for now'
sounds better
when they say it
as 'I'll love you
forever'

never trust a writer
because I swear
they do not believe
in the emptiness
of promises
and they will let you
break their souls
just to see
what happens after

an old man
with eyes
wise
tired
wild
talks to me
he asks
for my name
returning
my smile
a voice
educated
and mild
'what is the name
that comes after?'
i tell him
and he laughs
'i knew your father'
he says
'in the 1970's'
my father
was just a boy
'he was president'
he says
'a good president'
it is not him
but i smile
pretending to understand
the sentences
jumbling
rushing
like a tide
dirt tracking history
on sun faded clothes
worn neatly
he goes
for a moment
comes back
ashamed
'what is your name?'

Is the sky
The definition of empty
Blue
Heavy
With white clouds
Waiting to break
At my feet

i have been looking for the emptiness
cluttered all around me
with you
holding my fist so tight
over every lie
slipping through your golden eyes
matching your smile
it's only beauty

you never said
that your heart
was enough
only that it was there