Heaven won't

be full of people
who simply


avoided hell.

When I first saw you, my heart skipped a beat.
It wasn't the fact that you wore my favorite shade of white,
or that you had hair that looked as soft as feathers
it was a certain look in your eyes
as you managed a shy little lopsided smile
that literally swept me off my feet
because when I was too absorbed by the sight of you
I hadn't realized that someone was yelling from behind
warning me to get out of the way
as he skateboarded through the sidewalk
I thanked my lucky stars because I saved myself just in time
only to have missed a step and fell anyway
in a pile of crisp red and brown leaves
It must've been one of the most embarrassing moments of my life
but it was fine because in an instant
you walked on by and offered a hand
I stared blankly at your right hand
and noticed how pale they were as I took it
and pushed myself up, blushing crimson red
knowing you've seen it all but you didn't say a word
You just smiled again and tucked the page
neatly in your pocket like an unfinished note.

In a world of imperfection I have tried to be perfect but nothing seems to be worth it. I thought it would be easy but now I believe there is no easy way out, so i wanna ink out my soul, let out my tears to quench the thirst of the ocean.

I write this words with the blood flowing from my veins, the needle is stuck within and my jugular is past its breaking point.

My mind wanders off as I am slowly detached from reality, my tots are trapped in jars of desolation. I wish to find my way back but every stride I take opens up the doors to my insanity.
Such great agony I have come to know, one much worse than misery
I have got nails living in my spine, and I can hear them echo,
Every breathe I inhale is bitter and I pray that my last breathe blows away the wind
My ribs are tensile and cold as steel with knees set on sore concrete
I try to cry aloud but my tongue has been seared.
I ask to know no more of this, as the blade brings estacy to my wrist
I watch my pain slip beautifully to converge in a crimson pool, my eyes flutter into endless darkness and I try to feel, but I feel nothing, not this pain,not even the sound of trees.

But who would heed my call? or do i wait till never comes, because forever seems 2 far
I weave this agony meticulously to form a cold cloak that sits proudly on my shoulder. I know am strong so I would cut myself once again for I have come to realize that true grief comes with silence
I would just bleed silently till someone finds me, till I see the fire flies at the end of the tunnel.

I am too sad to write about you
I try to articulate my feelings
On how you left
On how you left after saying
So many beautiful things
You spoke of love and forever
But my mind keeps stumbling
And cycling
Running over and over those few moments
"You're the stain
on my favorite shirt--"
No I can't it's not right
You made my heart full and happy
Seconds before watching it
Fall and shatter
"I fell in love with---"
That's not it either
You broke my mind
This sadness reaches so deep
How am I supposed to overcome it
When I can't even get out
What it feels like
There are thoughts
Running marathons
Around and around and around
"Your love was so simple--"
Stop
Scribble out
Erase
Start over
That's not it either
What is it?
What did you do
In such a short time
That impacted me so deeply
It broke my mind

"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I fancied you'd return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)"

These words aren’t about you.
They’re about the person I let rent space
inside my heart.
They’re about the times I wished I could go back
and say to them, “No it’s okay, you can stay longer
I don’t care if your payment is late."
Because having you there was enough.
But these words aren’t about you.
They’re for the person still hiding behind these drained eyes.
These shaking fingers.
These weak limbs.
And I’m still not sure which is better;
to feel everything at once or nothing at all.
Because sometimes it is both,
and you are the gushing waters drowning my lungs.
And sometimes it is neither,
and you are the words I wish I could take back.
We always left so many of them unsaid,
letting our bodies do the talking.
But now I wonder how many conversations
we’ve had with each other when we
thought we were asleep.