by being a poet
i have condemned myself
i have sentenced myself to silence
a clean cut to the throat

by being a poet
i burned the bridges
i ****** myself to the tallest tower
where no one can hear my screams

by being a poet
i've been tried and convicted
i have only this page and this pen
this is my freedom and my prison

the mothers that come in
seem to have a fire missing
somewhere behind their eyes
their laughs are always piercing
their smiles, rotten
their hatred festers and boils below their skin
hatred for their jobs or their husbands
or their screaming kids
hatred for their brunches and cocktail hours
or their *** life
hatred for their absent fathers or mothers or both
hatred for their marriage
for their husbands that got to have both dreams
hatred for their bodies and minds ruined in carrying children
hatred that they were never told that they had a choice
that there were different paths to happiness
hatred for the box that they were shoved into with a smile on their withering faces

when i take their order at the counter
i see it all
i see this and more

and it frightens me deeply

what a way to live

me
        and my soul
                                 and your skin

let yourself be killed dear child
let yourself go blind
let your love get close enough
to stab you from behind

let yourself be killed my dear
let yourself bleed out
let your blood stain the Earth
your heart be cut from doubt

let me die, my love, my shield
my blood is mine to give
let me be killed, i plead of you
for to die is to live

there's a wizard who lives down the street
who vowed to fix the hole in my chest
but he filled it with dirt and dark and dust
and told me he tried his best

the man at the bus stop used to write me short poems
while downing a glass of liquor

but he smashed the glass
and now he writes long poems

somehow he's gotten much sicker

i would write just a line or two

i think it could be that i had much less to say
or maybe i didn't know how to say it
or perhaps i didn't feel as deeply
or cry as desperately
or smile as sweetly

sometimes i wish for my shorter poems
but most of the time
i am happy

i have grown