like icarus
i was too close
and felt too much


                       high
             too
flew  


and burned
                            a   w        a              y




and now
                 there is nothing left
                                                       but
                                                                dust.

for me
you have become
many things
you are a mirror under my bed
and the rotting cross over my doorway
you are the velvet midnight sky
and the honey air sneaking through my window
you are the half moon cuts on my palm
and the empty gas tank in my dying car
you are alluring sheets of my bed
begging me to return
you are sweet and tempting
you are my lover
and my prescription
my savior
my greatest friend

whatever form you take
    sweet
           sour
                 stale
                      a cup
                              a can
                                     a bottle

they are just vessels
you are always all those things and more

i wonder what i am to you?

there is a boy
and we meet in his car
and he has a sweet smile
and we go pretty far

there is another boy
and we sometimes lock eyes
for just a burning second
i can't tell if they lie

and when we brush past
i swear i feel thunder
just a slight breeze
but it brings me under

there is an air in his ways
and i struggle to not stare
i long to hear his laugh
to run my hands through his hair

and although we pass briefly
although it wouldn't seem
the latter has more heat
he's the one in my dreams

i know i am not good
i hear it in your sighs
hear it in your heavy feet
see it in your tired eyes

i know this and more
i  know and i try
i'll stay up all night
fix the wings, make it fly

i know your hate
your resentment is sincere
i am not good
i am the reflection you fear

dear mom, i know
i am not good
i hate and i love
far more than a daughter should

and i can feel it pecking underneath my skin
with prickling feathers that reek of disgust
its wings are stagnant
and all it can do is keep

pecking

pecking

pecking

and it laughs at those who don't know better
and it scorns the ones that think they do
and it shows me the disease it has spread
but i am too melancholic to **** it
and its feeble wings sag around my heart
but it never tears them free
so it just screams
                                  and screams
                                                         ­       and screams

silly girl,
                  silly girl


       hands clench,
                                  toes curl
  

                    it's so much fun,
                                                    watching­ you unfurl.

i used to trust my lovers
but that was long ago
now i see no others
the past my mind must go

i used to trust my lovers
but now i doubt my heart
heirloom of my mother's
and it's tearing me apart