Neajunsuri
Am scris mii de cuvinte, 0 răspunsuri
Sute de paragrafe în ani fără repercusiuni.
Locul mă înghite
Nu tot ce zâmbește, minte.
Și totuși încă scriu cuvinte.
Inima sparge în palpitații
Mintea râde și întristează generații
Iar mi-e frică, iar mă mint, iar adorm în fibrilații.
Neajunsuri, se rezumă
Ce să calculez, când tot e în venă.
Mintea conjugă, durerea e genetică.
Mama râde și mă-ntreabă dacă eu chiar am inimă.
Eu cu ochii pe sub unghii, ascult și jur că cineva mă strigă.
Poate e băiatul de pe trotuar spunând că sunt înstărită ,
Tata ajungând și-n Afganistan, are buzunar de armată.
Poate e doar o proiectare și altă inutilă supărare,
Un comentariu rupt în soare, o rază arzătoare.
Eu ascult și mi-aș astupa buzele.
Să nu mai aibă dorințe.
Adevăruri, minciuni... O sărutare.
Ce-mi mai stă în cale.
Îmi e frică, poate sunt eu
Nu oameni, nici minte nici Dumnezeu.
Rup din mine pentru nimeni
După încep să caut,
Liniștea caută și ea crize,
Nu mai *** să mă ascund.

It's for the greater good that I undress
And spare us all of interest.
Be it body, mind or ***
I do it nevertheless
I've spilt my blood in your tea,
So tonight you'll be drinking
Echoes of being bound to me
Dreams have been better until they became nightmares,
Metaphorically clueless I admire them
I've been hit, I've been carresed,
So I'd conclude that it would be sinful of me to bless
When at best I'm a couple of unbalanced distances.
A few too many faces passing the limit and they stress,
My thoughts with their grimaces
I've sent messages demanding to be forgiven,
Pleading innocence, love remains I'll be the only one leaving .
Many souls think of me so well, while I forget I ever met them.
I take what I'm given then put it to burning.
Once time is up and the cycle renews itself,
I flip and get over what I've lived with no help
Might be the most selfish thing I've been doing,
Acting like I'm forgetting,
All the conversations I've been harbouring,
Keeping them in the bottle even if I'm thirsty
To live and to keep living
If I keep on breathing I'll do it so well
I promise.
It'll be like when I stare at the flame to justify the crying.
I want to be alive for anybody but for me
So I'll undress for myself in the mirror tonight
To admire the body, mind and soul I'll fight,
Until I get this life right._

Sometimes I dream of being a kid
Sometimes I dream of never waking up
Sometimes I dream of being free.
Sometimes I forget what life is about.
Sometimes I dream the 8 pills multiplied by 14 and that I died in the corner of the scene.
Sometimes I dream of never giving up the 10 floor I was planning on jumping.
Sometimes I dream of taking the poison I had been hiding.
I used to mark all my birthdays and count them all as funerals.
And I'd take pleasure or pain then clean up the deed.
That's a good girls memorial.
At 13 I thought I was projecting
Just a product of society, I'm copying what I'm given.
I thought it was boisterous and fraudulent  to be suicidal.
So I became less pretentious.
Waited for mother nature.
A crosswalk, a powerful storm, a sickness
Glimmering on my birthday candles.
I've been better,
Older and meticulous I take to anger to get me off.
Moving from place to place, trading ciggaretes to be unconscious.
I polarize memories, scared they'll leave me if I'm not cautious.
Gatekeep happiness, the child and its loss.
My daddy still a distant obsession, now closer than ever:
Kid me saw him as a god, now I wonder if he's ever been human.
My mommy still the embodiment of warning, I used to think I'd see her cured of her epiphanies.
She's here but she'll never understand.
Every morning colder I'm clinging to what I never had
Hair's been black, blue, green, purple, pink until it wasn't,
Scaring trespassers with my fingers on the book subtitle
"legal ramification of a psychopath who's suicidal"
I've been 3 then 7 then every other number every year,
I refuse to get older the same way I refused to stay little.
Being really has been rough,
I guess I'll have to grow up.
But sometimes I dream of all my years going my way.
Sometimes I feel stuck in and out of my own brain.
Sometimes I want to erase my scars to make room for more.
Spectaculos speculations of a nail arching out of the floor.
I'm better even when I'm not.
Kid me would want to die the moment something irritating happened , present me would wait a second.
Not for me now but for me in the future,
Who could be smiling at me and remember,
That it was worse once maybe it won't stay so forever