the way back is always faster
soundless and satiated
all this perched up ancient brick and cold fervor
i saw a shadow riding split between the fields and the cement
and the road burn and the field braided ashes i remain quiet.
I like sound deep and perforating,
I like when you're reading all my words while I'm behind hoping it'd translate into understanding .
You tell me to never stop writing, that i know how to put words together,
You praise me over how im living while i fall asleep to dreams of driving , praying to a God I've never met and dying.
there are times when almost everything is silent
Even my mind.
The sun stays up and smooths over
My gaze, my guilt, debt and concern.
there are times when I fear i make way to invade myself
most times I'm just being ruthless.

in my poetic attire
these combat boots worth the ciggarete im holding,
these braids spun to make myself approachable, to fill my face in, to frame it as alluring
im watching the rain fill the crevices of the pathway, one drop hits, one wave away from drowning.
my hands glide on jawbones, neck, shoulders to conjure up enough warmth for another day
to simulate company.
you see the echoes of solitude, when heard, turn into ache and i can only take...
when i ask around the house "don't you feel lonely?" im met with appearances
yet they never really occupy the lack, they encouraged pretenses around this hollowness
i've been feeling myself in frills and pleats
beaten by this hungry wind outside
of course im self soothing
it's the only thing I'm doing
who else could if not me?

la gara se vând flori
și fire de vânt strecurate printre vitralii
fier lovit de dinți încep să văd detalii.
oase, vene și alte romantice orori.
frigul ăsta mi-l fac vară.
o sun pe mama să-i spun că a născut o avalanșă.
şi ofilesc.
orașul un amalgam de cărămidă prăfoasă, poduri rabatabile și geamuri pustii și luminate atât de frumos
nu înțeleg de ce nu *** să trăiesc
mai îndeajuns.
în soare cu dinți și în ploaie torențială, mamă
trăiesc o viață pentru amândouă.
mă salut cu toată lumea necunoscută de pe stradă și îmi cumpăr flori odată pe săptămână eu și sănătatea mea puerilă.
stau și fumez 3, 4, 5 țigări pe zi câteodată niciuna și admir umbrele nopții.
cand tremur seara parcă nu mai sunt singură.

wine straight to belly
warm, plunging.
what a tragedy.
i want to feel you because i never got to
now tell me
you want your love to come and heal this damage, scarring
you want your love needed because you want me
like this wine, straight to the gut, drowning me.
ive despised and adored this meshed life, never knowing how to surveille love
how to portray it how to embody it.
ive given and taken yet somewhere i fear ive never loved, only thirsted over voidal instincts, over sentimental lacks.
dust these lids for the lights
frame these hips, arch my back keeping my basin
sawed through these bedsprings, i fear my own pain interests me
i fear this is all that life could ever be
exhilarating breath to soundless screech to foster me.
you say sometimes i belong a little too much to my thoughts and i tell everyone i live in my head- what a pair
if i can't figure me out why would you even  dare?
what's worse?
knowing your love is poured, another stain in this emptiness or not loving at all?
knowing you love a flowering corpse or searching for its rebirth?
is this love?
the one you tell me i so generously deserve?

No-one taught me how to be a lover
But it mustn't be this complex...
ill take in this lisanthium breath and make a lover out of myself again.
No-one taught me how to be a lover and yet,
I want you to touch me like an inkspill
To touch me as thirst would sip
Touch me like I'm heavenly and you're burdened in sin
Touch and seek the lover in me.
I may never be your lover to keep
But im so tender and warm and in need
Oh im so unheld please give yourself to me,
I'll show you how a real lover breathes.