and
                                    as the flowers wilted
so did my love
                          for you
and you were thrown away
                and forgotten about
                                                           until the new you came along

*{r.s.}

I first saw you in a coffee shop:

you were a few feet away from me. your feet tapped absentmindedly underneath your crooked chair while black and blue pen ink residue resided on your fingers. Your eyes were reading a newspaper yet your mind was paying no attention to the words. I was in such deep thought studying you that my heart skipped a beat when I saw your eyes glance up at mine. You started studying me instead of the crinkled worn out paper in your hands. A smiled played across your face as the radiant warmth of it touched my eyes—

Bleeding inside
Like a clock, each tick
A silent sob, converted to noise
Noise that isn’t sound
Isn’t important
All it is
Is relief from the silence.

We want to be loved
We want to be found.
Each of us, alone as we are,
Unique, longing to be the same,
Longing to be together.
We love each other,
Give all we have away
Fall in love with everything
We lay our desperate eyes on --
The hills, the sky, the sea
We forget the spin of the earth
And the scythe of the end
And the burning words has been
For a little while
Consumed in the beauty
Of a soft summer evening
Glowing in the palace of memory,
Locked away for safekeeping.
We are misers of happiness
We bargain for empty joy
All we are, fleeting
Hollow.
Echoing in the winds of time,
Singing and laughing
Silently.

We are unique.
We want to fit in.
To be inside, to be known.
And so we act like we are.
Like everything’s okay.
Like a little girl dresses up like a princess,
Because that’s what she wants to be.
And for a little while, we’re happy.
But then we have to grow up,
Then we have to change, and find
Something different.
But we want something that lasts
Through the years
Through the centuries and eons,
Because our immortal souls
Long for the solid horizon
Of this storm-tossed sea.

What keeps you here?
Why do you keep treading water,
Keep looking around,
Like a ship will come soaring out of the fog
To rescue you?
Do you want to be rescued?
Or is the silence of the summer day
Locked away inside you
Good enough?
Are you good enough?
Is that all you want to be?

I want to be known.
Knowing is not enough anymore
Anyone can know something, can look in.
I want to be inside
Accepted, held
To know what I’ve never known
To walk along a glassy shore
With one who loves me.
To be forgiven, always and completely
Forgiven what I am.

But I don’t know how to say it
It feels heavy and immaterial
Like the silence in between the words
When the words don’t say anything
But suddenly they have meaning.
Between the moments you’re
Totally immersed in the living world
With all those people
Suddenly you stop
Suddenly you’re alive
You breathe
And see
You’re not alone.

Like a monolith I am,
Entrapped.
Screeching for air,
I take a plunge,
losing my,
conscience.

As a bird stranded in a chimney,
or a fly glued to a web,
I am,
constantly,
smitten,
for my opinions.

I’ve saw through the eye of time,
gazing at earth’s crystal glow,
as the souls will die,
and the blood will flow,
forever.

Alas, I am but an old seer,
I carry my prophecies along,
to death’s cradle,
No one will sing a song,
of my,
failure.

It is saddening to think,
That mankind will face the brink,
Soon writing their prayers in ****** ink,
As the worlds population quickly shrinks,
and humanity disappears,
just like their ancestors,
when the meteor comes crashing down,
screaming will be the only sound,
Terminus.

©Ben McCretton 2009

In silver box that’s lined with broken gold
these papers tell of old forgotten nights;
of cooler air than this that filled my chest
surrounding my whole being with such care
One story here was written under stars,
with hints of sentiment engraved so deep

When lovers break the bonds that dig so deep,
their hearts both crumble into darkened gold
A duo surely crafted by the stars
Eternal fate that dies within a night
I’d like to tell this story with great care
to stop this tight sensation in my chest

She held a special place within my chest
her love was bitter black and buried deep
I’d like to think, perhaps, she maybe cared
enough to give me years of solid gold
She gave me lovely dreams most every night
of places even higher than the stars

But now I only look up to the stars
and feel that awful feeling in my chest
What waste to give my hours all those nights
to mellow waves of sadness moving deep
Of all the colors flowing, none are gold
And nowadays I doubt she even cared

I followed the illusion that she cared
and ended up so lost below the stars
The heart she gave was made of phony gold
it sat and festered deep inside my chest
A shallow love that struck within so deep,
and now I only wish that it was night

Perhaps if I could spend just one more night
with someone else who gave such love and care
I’d feel the warm sensation fill me deep,
the charity and kindness of the stars
Another head to lie upon my chest,
a faithful love of real authentic gold

Another night goes by under the stars,
and all the care dies slowly in my chest
so deep within a prison made of gold

am i just a rod of rain water?
caressing the details of
a spacious and silent ocean?

am i just a voice in a choir?
as good as having mouth a phrase
mouthed by a hundred other?

am i just a single stroke of paint?
a superfluous, artistic finishing touch
to a masterpiece of colours?  

am i?

can i ever be a single word in poetry?
singular yet serious?
and not:

inconsequential?