My friends.
They used to help me
Expand my imagination
explore new worlds
maybe learn something on the way.

But now my friends are a crutch
They help pull me away from this broken world
instead of taking in a new imagination
I sprint through the different worlds
hungry for more, more, more
My friends keep feeding me release
and I keep needing more

More and more places to run to
worlds that can me only mine for a short time

Places to escape to

Anywhere is fine

Anywhere but here

I'm exploring this new landscape everyday
and everyday I find something new

Every crevasse of your personality
Each word you say

Your blue eyes...

and open smile

I may not like what I end up finding
but this journey of discovery
is a change in pace
and new and exciting adventure

Come join me
and maybe what I will find

Is happiness

Everyday is spent fighting against the current.

Then we are expected to spend a few more hours
treading water

But it's good for us because it's in a different sea, right?

Wrong

This forced trial is one we never wanted to be entered in
And it's wearing us down.

No one sees the aching muscles, the half-dead eyes.
Can't they see that this is slowly killing us?
Killing our spirit, our joy of life.

I'm tired.
Not angry.
I have no energy to be anymore.
We all fight hard at first until we realize,
you cannot hurt water, it will not change for anyone.

Unless we are allowed to put our feet on land

We are just going to waste away in the current

slowly drowning as we are  swept away

So maybe I don't need to have it all figured out all ready.
Apparently I'm not the only one trying to grab a future.

I was so sure that high school would have solidified my dreams
instead it messed up my mind, and what I thought I wanted.

Once I step back and really look at everyone flowing through the halls
it become evident that I'm not the only one that is confused.

Maybe it's alright that I don't know what I'm doing
that I want to stop this rushing train before it runs into a wall.

But then again

I've been wrong before

The walls keep turning to sand around me
I try to hold the crumbling pieces up
but they slip through my blistering fingers

Every fiber of my being is working
trying to force the walls around me to stay up.

Human bodies are not meant to support heavy rocks and heavy sand

Even though everyone knows it is physically impossible
I'm still expected to support the world around me

And I'm failing in the eyes of the world
I can't hold up my world as they sit on it
shaking their heads at my failure

They only see letters and test scores
Not me.

They will never see me.


They don't care if they don't.

I'm so alone
drowning in my own thoughts

While they gossip and act their age
I listen
While letting my mind digest the mysteries of life

When did I become so old?
So detached from what it means to act my age.

Normal conversations for me involve the future.
They are so normal - gossiping and joking around

So isolated among my own age group
What am I doing with my life? With the now?

I really should be in bed
Letting dreams taking me to different realities

But there's a fire in the living room
and the flames are dancing to a silent song

So I stay awake staring at the flickering light
Trying to listen to a song with no melody