I take a deep breath
but I felt a pang on my chest
and I couldn't breathe
as if the world is suffocating me
the darkness is everywhere
I have nowhere to hide
I feel the hopelessness overtake my body
and all I can do is watch everything fall apart

i used to cradle her bleach-cracked hands in mine
and decode the stardust resting within her fingerprints
     up until the day that i lost touch with the art of reading braille
     and she stopped slinging tall-tales for me to fetch
and rest the plot-twist at her feet

often in the post-script
i'd find my train of thought highjacked by the sunlight illuminating the rainbow of earth-tones ablaze
in her frizz-ridden curls
as if she'd been washing her hair with the damaged case of beer
she'd gotten for half-price at liqour depot
     she never did quit drinking
          but neither did i

at least we tried

though sometimes
in the middle of the night when nothing was alright
and we'd barely survived another fight
her face would catch my glance
cast aglow by a flood of lava-lamp light
    
     the sea of freckles resting at the crest of her cheeks
     rose lips perma-pursed in half tilt
     her resting heart-rate so high that i could almost see it
          pirouetting within her chest

it was then that i'd love her best
     amidst the ruins of who we were
     just moments before

****** in a crinoline,
****** of Solitude,
spreading immensely
like a tulip-flower.

In your boat of light,
go -
through the high seas
of the city;
through turbulent singing,
through crystalline stars.
****** in a crinoline
through the roadway's river
you go,
down to the sea!