Hand between my legs,
Lips against my neck.
You might think this is the best feeling,
but it will fade.
You'll go too far or
they'll get bored.
Feelings will be hurt and
hearts will be broken
because good things always come to an end.
A promise is the highest form of commitment
yet people throw them around like a paper airplane.
You don't mean anything to them
and it doesn't matter if you "love" them.
You are young,
they don't want to be tied down for life,
they just want to feel good now.
But what i think is
that if you love someone,
then you can feel good with them forever.
So don't cry over someone
who got bored,
doesn't like having *** with you,
or found someone "better".
You are awesome
and you will find someone who thinks so too.
I *promise.

It's amazing how
every time you mess up,
I always end up saying sorry.

it hurts because
you don't care anymore

it hurts because
when i get mad
you don't try to fix it

it hurts because
when i walk away
you dont run after me anymore

and it hurts because
you don't care anymore
and i care even more than before.

I tried to forget, but you grew roots around my rib cage and spouted flowers just below my collar bones. all day i pluck their petals, but i have not yet ascertained whether you love me or not.

I am so in love with you
and I didn't know this was possible.
They say its easy to love someone when they are happy
and hard to love them when they are sad.
I think whoever said that wasn't really in love because
Loving you when you're happy is easy,
but my love for you grows when you're sad.

sometimes its not worth it
love isn't worth the risk
when you try for love
and the infatuation only lasts for a while

its not worth it in the end
the heart-wrenching pain you feel after
lasts so much longer than the happiness

i knew it wasn't worth it
but i gave it a shot anyways

one year.
it took one year for you to realize that you don't want me.
I'm not sure if you ever did.
we were best friends first, lovers second.
I was there for you and you were there for me.
I tried to help you, but I'm not good with words, you see,
but i tried so so hard--- and that has to count for something, right?
It hurt so bad when you said i couldn't understand, because I did,
I understood you so well.
I couldn't emotionally support you how you wanted
and I think in the end, that was what broke us
Along with other things.
We had so much fun together,
I felt alive with you.
You took me places I've never heard about, let alone ever been to.
You broadened my horizons,
You valued me and believed there was something special about me.
But that's all someone wants, right? to be wanted?
For most of the time I felt wanted by you.
In the beginning, I was so sure we would work.
I felt it in the way you looked at me
and I wanted you so badly.
Summer was great and then we had a scare.
You were more scared than me
and I think that was because I knew I loved you
and you knew you didn't.
I couldn't tell you I did because I was so scared of losing you.
So I detached myself, for my own protection
and we drifted.
I thought we had ended and you would only think of me as a best friend,
but then I told you I was going on a date.
You couldn't let me be happy for one second,
you couldn't let me out of your selfish grip.
The very next day you told me you loved me
and I was still so scared.
So scared of being vulnerable, so scared of what would come next.
But I told you I loved you too, but that didn't seem to be enough.
You treated me like dirt and I think I figured out why you are verbally abusive.
It's because your dad was like that with you.
You never learned how to properly love someone,
and I desperately hope you figure it out soon.
We reconnected for two weeks,
and me being a hopeless romantic that won't let my guard down so easily,
I knew it wouldn't work, despite all hopes.
After that reconnection, I felt empty.
I tried to come up with an explanation why and I couldn't figure it out.
Although we did love each other, we weren't "in love".
All I wanted was to be wanted.
And only by you.
But we decided to remain friends.
Then I changed my mind.
You could never commit to me, I figured that out after that one time you asked me to be your girlfriend and then took it back the next day.
After almost a year,
you finally figured out what you wanted.
Not me.
"I'm not your type"
I will never understand how you can love someone who isn't your "type"
but I will always wonder what's so wrong with me that you couldn't keep loving me.
And I will always wonder what's so wrong with me that I could love someone who I knew could never treat me the way I deserve.
I will always love you, and I will always be there for you.
But I will also never be able to be myself with you again.
I showed you my most vulnerable parts and you denied me
and I am so ashamed I let myself get that close without a commitment.
My mom recently said, "Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free"
and I took that to heart.
I will find someone better, I know I will.
and they will want me for me,
not for my body, nor my money, nor because they think they can take advantage of the shy girl with her heart on her sleeve.

Just like that, I never saw you again.

Just like that, I lost my best friend.

Just like that, you cut off all contact.

Just like that, I was nothing to you.

Just like that, you didn't need me anymore.

Just like that, our love disappeared.

Just like that, I never got to kiss you again.

Just like that, I never got to tell you I loved you again.

Just like that, you decided you could live without me.

Just like that, our present became the past.

And just like that, I was left broken while you were fine.

waiting for you to ring my doorbell
with flowers in hand and a scared look on your face
asking me to wait for you.
I would get close to your face and whisper "I promise"
followed by a deep kiss showing you how much I love you

I think if i told you that I'm still in love with you
and that my love has grown an immense amount
that it would ruin our friendship.
And something is better than nothing, i guess,
so ill keep it in.

kiss me gently
like you did that night

kiss me softly
and make everything right

help me remember what it felt like

i want to feel that spark
i want electricity running through my heart

your kisses left me speechless
dead in the night
like a hopeful girl thinking it would last

i miss your soft caress
your tender touch

i miss your heavenly gaze
perched onto my face
your eyes pierced my heart
and i have never felt the same

kiss me gently
make me forget the ending

kiss me softly
get my heart starting

I love hearing you laugh hard, it makes me happy
I love watching you drive, it makes me feel protected
I love driving with you, it makes me feel infinite
I love when you tickle me, it makes me think you like my smile
I love when you wake me up with a call, its the only thing that gets me up
I love when you let me cry on you, I can't do that with anyone else
I love you, and I'm in love with you.

You don't have to be in a relationship to love someone,
and you don't have to love someone to be in a relationship.
#thesadtruth

Love isn't possible with you
Love isn't when you won't hug me in front of your friends
Love isn't when you stop doing what it took to get me
Love isn't when you look at other girls
Love isn't when you criticize how i stand
Love isn't when you pressure me after i say no
This just isn't love
Love is when I text you sweet messages
Love is when I can just look at you from afar and feel a zoo in my stomach
Love is when I can still miss you after you break my heart
Love is when I hope you are doing okay
Love is when I just want you to be happy again
Love is wanting your smile back
But also, love is wanting my smile back too
This is love.

Maybe I leave with them because I can’t come home to you.

thank you
for teaching me
not to follow my heart.

that is the best thing
you could've told me.

somehow you knew
that i tend to go with
what my heart is telling me.

but what i've come to realize is
that hearts are reckless.

hearts can't think about the future,
they want what they want now.

hearts don't know what'll happen in the end,
but they sure feel it when they are breaking.

i think
after every breaking,
while they heal,
they get harder.

they callous as a reminder
to never make the same mistake
and end up with regrets
again.

this is why we shouldn't follow our hearts,
no matter how appealing it may seem.
we must think smart to not get hurt.

so thank you
for teaching me
not to follow my heart.

i fall in love with people
in moments of innocence

last night
after dinner with my parents
in the car ride back home
i realized i love you

you were playing with my hair
because you knew my head hurt
simple things like this
mean a lot to me

then i started running my fingers through your hair
and i just looked at you
while doing that
and i thought to myself
"i love you"

it was something so innocent
like this
that made me want to take care of you

then on your own
you sat up and said it was my turn again

you could've been selfish
but instead you wanted to make me happy

you're my best friend
and i've fallen in love with you

Love #1
He liked me, i liked him.
This lasted for a while.
Summer came, he left.
He got a girlfriend, and forgot about me.

The next school year,
We made eye contact in the hall all the time
He texted me and apologized
I forgave him
and when he and his girlfriend were over
He came running back to me
I welcomed him with open arms.
This only lasted part of the summer.
Things were getting tense
and we stopped contacting each other.

A year later
When i was "talking" to someone new
He apologized again
I think he was jealous, to be honest.

We never spoke again.


Love #2
I thought he was cute
I only fantasized about him liking me
Then it came true
He pursued me, and i liked it.
We went on a date before our first date

He held my hand that day
and forced his lips upon mine.
Not how i imagined my first kiss.

We went on dates
but stayed in the car most of the time
I thought i could control things
and not go too far.
I tried to stop multiple times
yet somehow he just kept enticing me.
After he got what he wanted (not what you are thinking)
He dumped me.
He said we could still be friends
but i mean, that was unrealistic.

We never spoke again.


Love #3
He makes me happy
We are best friends
He held my hand at the beach
and kissed me on the cheek.
That was only for one day.

We continued to be best friends
We went out by ourselves and
he made no indication that we were more than friends.
Weeks went by.

Then after our AP test we went to eat together.
We also went on an adventure.
That was the best day of my life.
We went up a mountain and went on a little hike.
It was hailing and we were sitting close under a towel for protection.

That would have been the perfect time to kiss me.
But he didnt.
And i respect that.

He takes things slow
unlike Love #2.
patience means you're in it for the long run.
Things are going well
and I think we could actually have a good future together.
Im excited for it, love.

I have a feeling
deep inside me
that keeps growing
every time I see you.

It starts in my stomach
now it's in my heart
the feeling changed
and it's ripping me apart
slowly
you broke my heart
but I should've known
I saw it coming
the day I met you.

You led me on
just to leave me hanging
trying to get by
day by day
I can't go much longer
If  I have to see you with her
it tears me apart
that you don't care anymore
I thought you were the one
that we'd be happy
but I was wrong
I was never an option.

You do things with her
that I wish you did with me
but I guess I wasn't special enough,
I have to earn love.

That's not normal.
Im done with this.
I don't need you,
I need a real man.
Who shows me off to his friends,
who will hold man hand even if it's just for a few minutes,
who will hug me for hours,
who will kiss me in the rain,
who will comfort me when I'm down,
but most importantly,
who will love me when there is nothing left to love.

wrong person,
right time.

right person,
wrong time.

either way,
it hurts in the end.

Homeschooled boy
Tall, blonde
with acne,
holding a lunch pale.
He gives you that
mesmerizing,
innocent,
sweet smile
as you pass in the hallway.
He makes you blush.
He makes you feel special.
never fall for someone like this
They aren't what they seem.

They aren't innocent,
AT ALL.
All they want from a sweet,
Christian girl
is ***.
All he wanted was to tell his friends
what he did with me.
He didn't care about me.
He just cared about his image.

He was the new, homeschooled kid
and he wanted to fit in.
Oh but he fit in just fine.
He smoked ****.

Little did I know,
because he lied to me
about everything.

In the beginning,
he told me he was an honest person.
Of course I believed him
because I want to see the good in people.
He also asked if I was honest,
I said yes because that was the truth.

One month later,
I found out the truth.
At first I didn't want to believe it,
but he played me.

He lied to me
about who he was,
what he did,
and who he told about us.

This absolutely crushed me.
He was my first boyfriend.
He was just an innocent,
lunch pale-carrying,
boy, right?
all wrong.

I wish I saw the red flags
and never committed to a relationship.
He broke me just as fast as he got me.
and i will never trust again.

i felt nothing
you looked at me with those deep blue eyes
and smiled
normally i would get butterflies
but i felt nothing
i just smiled back

i admit i felt a little happy
but you are nothing to obsess over any more
you're just an old friend
i feel closer to you when far apart
i see you as better than you really are

once i realize
that you are not who i created you to be
i will be free
free from these chains
free from drowning
just free

Her heart was being torn apart inside her ribcage,
what filled her heart was desolation,
tumbleweeds rolling down the abandoned streets of empty love,
vanquished remains of her hopes and dreams clutter the streets,
leafless trees all about, hosting homes for vultures eating her alive,
there is a brick wall being built slowly so no one could get in,
and a neon sign that read NO VACANCY.

woke up wanting you.

Words can't describe the burning passion inside
yearning to come alive
feel like a bag full of sh¡t on some man's porch
left there to be slipped into the trash.

I can't take this anymore,
ready to pull the line, can I call a friend
to help me finish the rhyme?
please sir, I need another life-line
running out of time.

I want you to miss me
I want you to want me
I want you to stay
and I want you to love me
All this time
Ive been waiting and waiting
for what?
for you to kiss me like you miss me as much as i miss you
these last five months have been unbearable
i can't go anywhere without thinking of you
you were emotionally detached when i knew you
you seem to have more emotions now than ever
i don't know if that a signal
but if it is, i'm getting it loud and clear
Im too shy to tell you how i feel
so please tell me you miss me
ill tell you i miss you too
just tell me whats wrong
i promise ill be there for you
Please just come back to me
you've been gone for so long
i love you differently now
i think i can love you better than ever

I feel as though my life is not moving
as i indulge in these meaningless tasks

it is after these life pushing efforts
that i feel my future getting brighter

and not staying dull.

Pushing you away
because everything I've ever wanted
is now becoming a reality.

Can *** really ruin a friendship by making you not like who the other person is?

Recently i was starting to move on
Recently he told he loves me
Recently i've told him i love him too
Recently i had *** for the second time
Recently i've felt empty
Recently i told my best friend i'm not a ******
Recently i figured out the difference between love and being in love
Recently i realized im not in love with him
Recently i've started to follow my head, not my heart
Recently i've felt alone
Recently i've had to make a decision
Recently i've decided not to be in a relationship with him
Recently i've realized that love is not enough
Recently i've felt numb
Recently i've decided not to have *** until marriage
Recently i've decided to work on myself and my relationship with God
Recently i've realized that worldly desires don't satisfy
Recently i've decided to put God before everything

Safe
there is nowhere I feel more safe than
in your arms.
you value me
you cherish me

you support me
you respect me

you love me
you complete me

I'm getting tired of always being second best.
I don't want to compete with her anymore
And I shouldn't have to.

loving someone
who is incapable of love
is self destructive.

short and sweet
you don't deserve me
but i don't care
i will love you anyways

no one understands
that i can't be myself around a stranger
it takes time for me to be comfortable
and open up

no one understands
that when i say give it time
and ill be myself
i mean what i say

no one understands
that i can't control it
i can't tell myself to not be shy
my personality is weird like that

no one understands
that when they make jokes like
"you never talk"
"you're so shy ***"
i take that personally

no one understands
that i am self conscious about that
i cant help but beat myself up when i say the wrong things
or don't say anything at all

no one understands
that i am shy for a reason
God made me this way
He gave me this unique personality

I am shy
so i don't make the wrong friends
so i don't say the wrong things
so guys mess with me
because i'm too nice
God protected me
when he formed me in my mother's womb
i am forever grateful
to have a God who loves me unconditionally
i am glad i'm shy
i wouldn't be myself if i weren't

Most people don't make it past my shyness
to see that i am a pretty cool person

Im actually really funny and am a loyal friend
but you will never know
because you gave up on me

your loss.

I am not a ******* parrot,
you ******* *******.
Dont tell me to repeat after you
don't hush the room so everyone can hear me
dont ******* tell me i need a beer so ill speak more.

you are the biggest ******* i have ever met.

Not everyone is outgiong
not everyone feels comfortable in a large group of  people
not everyone is able to yell over your drunk ***

im not sorry i can't speak very loudly
im not sorry im shy
im not sorry i am who i am
but i am sorry that you can't have fun without getting drunk
i am sorry that you can't treat your wife with respect
i am sorry your kids had to put up with you as a father
i am sorry i met you.

whoever falls in love first
looses

and i am a sore loser

and you are a sore winner

stop gloating  
so i can stop crying

I could've'e sworn i saw something in your eyes
those radiant blue eyes had purpose
the look you gave me had to contain something
i might be crazy but your words and your eyes did not coincide
I thought i knew what your eyes were expressing
but i could not ascertain whether or not you loved me

It's been five months
It comes back in flashes
Talking with friends, reading a book, writing a paper
I can't get away from my memories
I can't stop thinking about you
You flood my mind day in and day out
I cry because Im ashamed
I let myself down
I said I wouldn't fall for you
I said I wouldn't get hurt
You seemed so interested
I was so naiive
I thought you would be the one to end up heartbroken
I was wrong
You broke my heart without looking back
I know you don't think it hurt me because I didn't cry in front of you
But it did
It hurt so bad
What hurts more is that i am still here,
completely infatuated with you months later
and you have already moved on
You're into another girl
I miss you so bad that ive convinced myself that im in love with you
I fantasize about you kissing me in the rain haphazardly
I can only dream about that happening
You can't even look at me let alone muster up the courage to kiss me
I don't know how to get over you and move on
I just wish forgetting you was as easy as you forgot about me

I saw you every day in second period
we talked when we were supposed to be reading
i always sat half turned around in my seat
we always played footsies
we always hugged at the end of class
i always glanced at you at break when you were with your friends
i always stopped at your locker before 5th
we always walked to class
we always got stares from the teacher like she knew what was up
we always sat together in chapel
we always sat close and nudged each other
we always exchanged glances before 6th
you always walked me to my car after school
we always texted 24/7
we alway hung out before your practices
we always went out on fridays
we always kissed passionately
we always cuddled in the movies
we always had fun
we were always together

now we don't speak
now we don't make eye contact
now we sit on opposite rooms and read along in class
now i try to sneak glances at you
now i just hope you look back
now i try not to look at you and her at break
now i walk past your locker
now we pretend to not see each other when we walk by
now we sit apart in chapel
now we don't text
now we hang out with our own friends on fridays
now we talk to our friends after school
now we sit solitarily in movies
now we are never together

but the only thing that hasn't changed
is my love for you
that will always remain
i hope you know that

I tried so hard to resist the taste of your lips again.
Saying no to the chance to feel happiness for a few fleeting seconds
is a very difficult thing.
I felt a strong pull in my chest to connect to you
and I tried to pull back
but the heart wants what it wants.
I gave in.
The next day you were all that I could think of
but I knew you weren't still thinking of me
so I snapped out of it.
and I went on my first date with him.
And I kissed him that night,
but it wasn't the same because I wasn't madly in love with him,
like I am with you.

youre slowly putting a band-aid on my heart
now im just waiting for you to rip it off when im not looking

He made me feel pretty
with no makeup on
at the grocery store.

Softly outlining my hand with your gentle fingertips
Released a thousand butterflies in my stomach.

I love you because**...
There is more than one layer to you.
You have feelings.
You tell me the truth, even if it hurts.
You try to make me stronger.
You treat me like I am better than I really am.
You reassured me when I was in doubt.
You are nerdy.
You have problems.
You take care of me.
I want to take care of you too.
You make time for me.
You want to spend time with me.
You believe there is more to me than my shyness may mislead.
You trust me.
You call me in the middle of the night to tell me about your nightmares.
You're not sappy all the time.
You are my best friend.
and this is why I love you.

Im tired of crying in my bed in the middle of the night
I want to find love, and I want everything to be alright.

You are the groggy mornings after you kept me up because you needed me to get through the night.
You are the worry lines forming on my face from the constant anxiety that you might hurt yourself.
You are the deep ache in my heart because I know you will never love me like you loved her.
You are the tears on my pillow case because you are so beyond amazing and I want to be yours but can't.
You are the struggle I face because there is so much good in you but you insist on only seeing the bad.
You are the breath that leaves my lungs every time I imagine my life without you.
You are the pride in my heart because I see that all you want to do is help people.
You are the smile on my face because you make me so happy just seeing you.
You are the best friend in my introverted life.
And you are the the greatest love I will ever experience.