Have you ever realized that if you didn't wake up late yesterday something would be different?
what if you took a different way to work last week, something might be different right now.
Every single decision you made made you into who you are right this second
Every move you've made has brought you to this moment.
Ive been thinking how my life would be different if i never switched classes if i never sat where i sat if i never talked to you if i liked someone else if i never gave you the time of day if i never knew you
If i never did any of these things I wouldn't be heartbroken right now I wouldn't be alone and i would still be giving guys a chance
but no i made those decision and i am here im where i am because of this
Every single decision you make makes you into who you are supposed to be and where you are supposed to be
I tried to forget, but you grew roots around my rib cage and spouted flowers just below my collar bones. all day i pluck their petals, but i have not yet ascertained whether you love me or not.
no one understands that i can't be myself around a stranger it takes time for me to be comfortable and open up
no one understands that when i say give it time and ill be myself i mean what i say
no one understands that i can't control it i can't tell myself to not be shy my personality is weird like that
no one understands that when they make jokes like "you never talk" "you're so shy ***" i take that personally
no one understands that i am self conscious about that i cant help but beat myself up when i say the wrong things or don't say anything at all
no one understands that i am shy for a reason God made me this way He gave me this unique personality
I am shy so i don't make the wrong friends so i don't say the wrong things so guys mess with me because i'm too nice God protected me when he formed me in my mother's womb i am forever grateful to have a God who loves me unconditionally i am glad i'm shy i wouldn't be myself if i weren't
i felt nothing you looked at me with those deep blue eyes and smiled normally i would get butterflies but i felt nothing i just smiled back
i admit i felt a little happy but you are nothing to obsess over any more you're just an old friend i feel closer to you when far apart i see you as better than you really are
once i realize that you are not who i created you to be i will be free free from these chains free from drowning just free
I could've'e sworn i saw something in your eyes those radiant blue eyes had purpose the look you gave me had to contain something i might be crazy but your words and your eyes did not coincide I thought i knew what your eyes were expressing but i could not ascertain whether or not you loved me
when you touched me even the slightest trace of your hand on my arm something was happening deep in my core your simple embrace illuminated my heart i had the tingling sensation of love i would give anything to feel your heart on mine i crave your touch i became addicted to the feeling you gave me only then did i feel connected to you
I saw you every day in second period we talked when we were supposed to be reading i always sat half turned around in my seat we always played footsies we always hugged at the end of class i always glanced at you at break when you were with your friends i always stopped at your locker before 5th we always walked to class we always got stares from the teacher like she knew what was up we always sat together in chapel we always sat close and nudged each other we always exchanged glances before 6th you always walked me to my car after school we always texted 24/7 we alway hung out before your practices we always went out on fridays we always kissed passionately we always cuddled in the movies we always had fun we were always together
now we don't speak now we don't make eye contact now we sit on opposite rooms and read along in class now i try to sneak glances at you now i just hope you look back now i try not to look at you and her at break now i walk past your locker now we pretend to not see each other when we walk by now we sit apart in chapel now we don't text now we hang out with our own friends on fridays now we talk to our friends after school now we sit solitarily in movies now we are never together
but the only thing that hasn't changed is my love for you that will always remain i hope you know that