waking up is hard.
a coffee mug filled with *** can make it a little easier
yet if you're sad enough, it doesn't **** the pain.
it fogs your vision but it can't end the desolation
school in a drunken haze
tripping down stairways, colliding with passerbys
but somehow with or without medication, school remains painful
all the people you love and have loved. all the people you hate. all the people you care not to know.
all gathered in one place.
so many faces bring back memories and regrets.
they are impossible to avoid.
some hurt.
many do.
and when you see him, from the corner of your eye and he grabs her waist and pulls her in
you can actually feel everything inside of you drop.
you pull out another cigarette. maybe two more, maybe three, because there is no way you can make it through another moment without them.
you push the tears back into your eyes, put a smile on your face, and even when a tear happens to leak, you tell people you had only just yawned.
And you carry on, another empty day.

my name rolled off your tongue
in the same calculated way
that waves roll to the shore
and your eyes pierced my soul
in the same deadly way
that an animal stalks its prey
and i knew from then
that i would soon be your victim
and you would be
nothing but my murderer

I used to be obsessed with the idea
that the stars we saw at night were
mostly already dead
Like everything was as lost
and as inevitably hopeless
as I felt I was
But this turned out to be another legend
Most of them are still there
and won't explode
for some time
and maybe I was disappointed
that the universe
wasn't as dark
as it appears to me.
What I like most about you
is that you
can turn things like that around
when you explain
how we're made up of materials
from some primordial
atomic cataclysm
that sent particles
in a billion different directions
until they reformed
and made
the sun
and the stars
and the planets
and that the entire spectrum
of our existence
was brought forth
from these events
and
I should consider myself lucky
that the universe
went to all that trouble
to make you for me.

I am being watched from every angle.
I don't know what to do and I am scared.
I want to be left alone.
Not helpless and afraid, no,
Just step back!
I don't need to go, I don't want to go,
Stop reading the words I write specifically to escape from
The world you brought me into!

Just stop....

The nightmare has awoken,
The demons are back.
Where am I headed?
I'm on the wrong track.

Darkness looms over me,
Threatening to break me again.
I have to fight it.
I can't let it win.

The demons they are strong,
What can I do now?
I don't know how I can win,
I feel like I'm drowning.

Take a deep breath,
Take back control.
Find the fight within you,
Don't let it go.

Wipe away your tears,
Hide away your fears,
Don't let the darkness take you.
Hold on to the light,

Stand up tall and proud
Smile to yourself and say
You didn't beat me this time,
I live to fight another day.