My body heaves and convulses
while tears stream down my face
blurring my vision
like a camera lens in fog.

My mind was sick.
I had just watched the movie
The Pianist about the Holocaust.
The Holocaust was sick.
A man in a wheelchair fell
from a tenth story window,
dumped out by the SS.
Sickness.

My body was sick.
I could not speak.
I could barely cry for that matter.
All I could do was sob.

My spirit was sick.
I hadn't prayed in a whole month
and God and I were floating
farther   and         farther            apart.

My soul was moved.
I heard the real star in The Pianist
Wladyslaw Szpilman play
Chopin's Nocturne in C# Minor.
(that is NOT a hashtag)

That was when I broke down.

I get most of my clothes from
hand-me-downs or thrift stores.

So what?

What if I like being unique?

We love a good introspection.
A lot of thinking-outside-the-box
a dash of sponaneity with a pinch
of romance.
A lot of pondering, wandering
wondering and pandering.
We crave intimacy and to woo we say,

"Look at my poetry."

Our minds are wired differently.
We tend to see things not as they are
but what they can be.
We are silently affectionate but rarely
spout off our poems in public.
We love deeply, fall hard and
live out our lives according to our
composition books.

Stop thinking that you are too much
this or that
too ugly or too fat
because you are worth
much more
than a number.

No jean size, person or society
can dictate how you live your life.
No failure or mistake can ever
define you.

You are only defined by your character.

I feel like I'll never understand
The idea of one's appeal
What causes us to hate someone
And think of someone else as 'ideal'

How can we go through our lives
Making decisions every day
When we don't even understand
Why we think this way

Are we simply born this way
Programmed with our opinions
Are we traveling though our lives
Just acting as our emotion's minions

But if that if that truly is case
Then I find it very strange
How at some points in our lives
Our opinions start to change

What causes us to change
What causes this mental shift
Why is it after a certain time
Our old self starts to drift

Do our feelings ever really die?
Can our beliefs so easily sway?
And if our thoughts are what define us
Do our old selves fade away?

What happens when you can't decide
What you think is the right way
Yes, what happens then?
*Maybe we just fade away

Late at night is when I think
And try to I clear my head
I often stay awake all night
Just laying in my bed

As soon as I get comfy
Thoughts start racing in
I start to question everything
and regret my every sin

At first the thoughts are gentle
Like what will I do tomorrow
But as time crawls by; they escalate
Till I'm drowning in my sorrow

I think of all my failures
Every detail of what I did wrong
After hours of reliving pain
I convince myself I don't belong

I suddenly feel isolated
and like the silence will never end
I feel like I will never escape
There's too much I just can't mend

I feel overpowered and worthless
Like I'll never do anything right
I hide till the world fades away
And I'm awoken by the light

I realize a new day has come
It's time to put on a brave face
I put those negative thoughts away
Until I return to this place